Hilarious Quotes - Page 10

• The limited circle is pure.

  Franz Kafka

  Circles, Pure

  Franz Kafka (1979). “The Basic Kafka”, p.259, Simon and Schuster

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  Sometimes you just have to put on lip gloss and pretend to be psyched.

  Mindy Kaling

  Inspirational, Funny, Life

  Mindy Kaling (2011). “Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns)”, p.7, Three Rivers Press

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• It was a typically British birth... I was three at the time. They had a strike in the maternity ward... I came out in sympathy.

  Bob Hope

  Funny, Witty, Humorous

  Bob Hope (2004). “Bob Hope”, Hyperion

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• Dude, are my eyes seeing what my brain is telling my eyes that they're seeing?

  James Roday

  Funny, Witty, Eye

  "Fictional character: Shawn Spencer". Psych (TV Series) Let's Get Hairy, www.imdb.com. 2009.

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• I never knew what an engineer did for a living when I was a kid. I still don't.

  Scott Adams

  Funny, Witty, Kids

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• I am a tender, beautiful and loving guy that happens to slap a photographer now and then because they get in my way.

  Liam Gallagher

  Beautiful, Guy, Way

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

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• I went out with a promiscuous impressionist. She did everybody.

  Jay London

  Funny, Women, Promiscuous

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• One possible reason that I don't believe in fate is that I wasn't fated to.

  Ashleigh Brilliant

  Believe, Fate, Reason

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• I like stepping into the future. Therefore, I look for doorknobs.

  Marc Rosen

  Looks

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• I think god gave us talent because he screwed up our hair

  Dolly Parton

  Inspiring, Thinking, Hair

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• A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.

  Joan Rivers

  Funny, Mistake, Women

  "Funny Ladies" by B. Adler, (p. 147), 2001.

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• Its easy to have kids, people try to scare you into thinking "oh its hard to have kids" Its not. I have two, and I have no idea where they are right now. Kids are adorable, someone will always take care of them.

  Dan Cummins

  Kids, Thinking, Ideas

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• I believe that the government that governs best is a government that governs least, and by these standards we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq.

  Stephen Colbert

  Believe, Government, Iraq

  "Two Years Ago: When Stephen Colbert Mocked Bush — To His Face" by Greg Mitchell, www.huffingtonpost.com. April 26, 2008.

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• This woman did not fly to extremes; she lived there.

  Quentin Crisp

  Extremes

  1968 The Naked Civil Servant, ch.3.

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• When children are doing nothing, they are doing mischief.

  Henry Fielding

  Witty, Children, Doing Nothing

  Henry Fielding (1780). “The history of Tom Jones, a foundling”, p.71

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• Psychiatry is a pseudoscience.... You don't know the history of psychiatry. I do...Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, you don't even -you're glib. You don't even know what Ritalin is.

  Tom Cruise

  Pseudoscience, Ritalin, Psychiatry

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• It was like hiking into a Hemingway story; everything was sepia-toned and bristling with subtext.

  Leslie What

  Hiking, Stories, Subtext

  Leslie What (2008). “Crazy Love: Stories”

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• A conglomerate heap of trash, that's what I am. But it burns with a high flame.

  Ray Bradbury

  Flames, Trash, Self Deprecating

  Ray Bradbury, Sam Weller (2012). “Listen to the Echoes: The Ray Bradbury Interviews”, p.291, Melville House

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• I can't imagine going back to long hair. Cutting it was the greatest thing I ever did

  Robin Wright

  Inspiring, Cutting, Hair

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• I am truly not one to give advice. I'm divorced and I stole my best friend's husband.

  Denise Richards

  Husband, Giving, Advice

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• Bryant Gumbel's ego has applied for statehood. And if it's accepted, it will be the fifth-largest.

  Willard Scott

  Ego, Accepted, Fifth

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• When mice run, cats give chase.

  Rachel Vincent

  Running, Cat, Giving

  Rachel Vincent (2016). “Stray”, p.16, MIRA

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• If you're a kid who was not especially a star in your high school, I recommend going to a college in the middle of nowhere. I got all the attention I could ever have wanted.

  Mindy Kaling

  Stars, Kids, School

  Mindy Kaling (2011). “Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns)”, p.48, Three Rivers Press

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• What are you looking at sugar-tits?

  Mel Gibson

  Sugar

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• Is this chicken or is this fish?

  Jessica Simpson

  Chickens, Fishes

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