Funny Drinking Quotes - Page 3

• God invented whiskey to keep the Irish from ruling the world.

  Ed McMahon

  Drinking, Drunk, Alcohol

  65 Copy quote

• My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Drinking, Doctors, Mirrors

  Rodney Dangerfield (2009). “It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs”, p.88, Zondervan

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• Champagne, if you are seeking the truth, is better than a lie detector. It encourages a man to be expansive, even reckless, while lie detectors are only a challenge to tell lies successfully.

  Graham Greene

  Truth, Lying, Drinking

  Graham Greene (1980). “Travels with my aunt”

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• I think a man ought to get drunk at least twice a year just on principle, so he won't let himself get snotty about it.

  Raymond Chandler

  Drinking, Beer, Men

  Raymond Chandler (2014). “The World of Raymond Chandler: In His Own Words”, p.87, Vintage

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• There is no bad whiskey. There are only some whiskeys that aren't as good as others.

  Raymond Chandler

  Drinking, Alcohol, Whiskey

  55 Copy quote

• My rule of life prescribed as an absolutely sacred rite smoking cigars and also the drinking of alcohol before, after and if need be during all meals and in the intervals between them.

  Winston Churchill

  Drinking, Beer, Funny Sarcastic

  Uttered during a lunch with the Arab leader, Ibn Saud

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• A good heavy book holds you down. It's an anchor that keeps you from getting up and having another gin and tonic.

  Roy Blount, Jr.

  Book, Anchors, Gin And Tonic

  "Summer Reading; Reading And Nothingness, Of Proust In The Summer Sun" by Roy Blount, Jr., www.nytimes.com. June 2, 1985.

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• I don't know what reception I'm at, but for God's sake give me a gin and tonic.

  Denis Thatcher

  Giving, Sake, Gin And Tonic

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.

  W. C. Fields

  Ambition, Orange Trees, Glasses

  54 Copy quote
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  Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.

  George Bernard Shaw

  Funny, Life, Drinking

  119 Copy quote

• First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.

  F. Scott Fitzgerald

  Funny, New Year, Drinking

  F. Scott Fitzgerald (2011). “On Booze (New Directions Pearls)”, p.92, New Directions Publishing

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• I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I had lost exactly two weeks.

  Joe E. Lewis

  Funny, Drinking, Humor

  22 Copy quote

• Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.

  Ambrose Bierce

  Motivational, Drinking, Beer

  The Devil's Dictionary

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• If you drink don't drive. Don't even putt.

  Dean Martin

  Retirement, Drinking, Book

  "Famous drinkers" by Rob Parker, www.theguardian.com. April 18, 2004.

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  An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.

  Dylan Thomas

  Funny, Drinking, Food

  Dictionary of 20th Century Quotations quoted by Nigel Rees. Fontana London (1987)

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• There's nothing wrong with sobriety in moderation.

  John Ciardi

  Drinking, Beer, Sobriety

  62 Copy quote

• You can tell German wine from vinegar by the label.

  Mark Twain

  Drinking, Wine, Labels

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.

  W. C. Fields

  Drinking, Beer, Reality

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• A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.

  W. C. Fields

  Funny, Drinking, Book

  93 Copy quote

• I don't have a drinking problem 'Cept when I can't get a drink.

  Tom Waits

  Drinking, Alcohol, Problem

  Song: Bad Liver And A Broken Heart, Album: Small Change

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• I was a sober as the next guy. The only problem is the next guy was Dean Martin

  Red Skelton

  Drinking, Guy, Next

  43 Copy quote

• I'm not a heavy drinker, I can sometimes go for hours without touching a drop.

  Noel Coward

  Drinking, Beer, Alcohol

  34 Copy quote

• I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.

  W. C. Fields

  Funny, Time, Drinking

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• I had to stop drinkin, cuz I got tired of waking up in my car driving ninety.

  Richard Pryor

  Funny, Drinking, Tired

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• Health - what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.

  Phyllis Diller

  Falling In Love, Drinking, Alcohol

  Phyllis Diller (1981). “The joys of aging--and how to avoid them: can sex keep you young? And other silly questions”, Doubleday Books

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