Funny Drinking Quotes

• I drink to make other people more interesting.

  Ernest Hemingway

  Funny, Life, Drinking

  "How To Be Interesting: Simple Ways to Increase Your Personal Appeal". Book by David Gillespie, Mark Warren, 2013.

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• I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.

  David Lee Roth

  Funny, Life, Sports

  "Roth Army" by Oliver Hurley, www.theguardian.com. August 27, 2004.

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• I went to the worst of bars hoping to get killed but all I could do was to get drunk again.

  Charles Bukowski

  Funny, Suicide, Drinking

  Charles Bukowski, “The Suicide Kid”

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• A lady came up to me one day and said 'Sir! You are drunk', to which I replied 'I am drunk today madam, and tomorrow I shall be sober but you will still be ugly.

  Winston Churchill

  Humorous, Party, Drinking

  20 Copy quote

• Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.

  W. C. Fields

  Inspirational, Funny, Party

  70 Copy quote

• A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

  Albert Einstein

  Drinking, Alcohol, Inventory

  121 Copy quote

• What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?

  W. Clement Stone

  Funny, Witty, Humorous

  59 Copy quote

• Here's to alcohol, the rose colored glasses of life.

  F. Scott Fitzgerald

  Drinking, Glasses, Drunk

  "The Beautiful and Damned". Book by F. Scott Fitzgerald, pitchfork.com. 1922.

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• People who drink to drown their sorrow should be told that sorrow knows how to swim.

  Ann Landers

  Drinking, Swimming, Beer

  28 Copy quote

• Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

  Kinky Friedman

  Beauty, Philosophy, Drinking

  30 Copy quote

• A perfect martini should be made by filling a glass with gin then waving it in the general direction of Italy.

  Noel Coward

  Glasses, Perfect, Martini

  "The Martini: the epitome of cocktail-hour refinement" by Henry Jeffreys, www.theguardian.com. June 5, 2015.

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  The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.

  Humphrey Bogart

  Drinking, Book, Beer

  172 Copy quote
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  An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.

  Ernest Hemingway

  Book, Drinking, Beer

  Ernest Hemingway (2008). “The Good Life According to Hemingway”, Ecco

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• Ho! Ho! Ho! To the bottle I go To heal my heart and drown my woe Rain may fall, and wind may blow And many miles be still to go But under a tall tree will I lie And let the clouds go sailing by

  J. R. R. Tolkien

  Lying, Drinking, Rain

  J.R.R. Tolkien (2012). “The Fellowship of the Ring: Being the First Part of The Lord of the Rings”, p.72, Houghton Mifflin Harcourt

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  Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

  Ernest Hemingway

  Funny, Witty, Clever

  Ernest Hemingway (2008). “The Good Life According to Hemingway”, Ecco

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• I'm too drunk to taste this chicken

  Colonel Sanders

  Funny, Drunk, Entrepreneur

  112 Copy quote

• Not everyone who drinks is a poet. Some of us drink because we're not poets.

  Dudley Moore

  Drinking, Beer, Alcohol

  19 Copy quote

• The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact that a drunken man is happier than a sober one.

  George Bernard Shaw

  Life, Religious, Atheist

  George Bernard Shaw (1993). “The Complete Prefaces: 1914-1929”, Viking Adult

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• Champagne for my real friends and real pain for my sham friends.

  Tom Waits

  Friends, Pain, Real

  13 Copy quote

• Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.

  Wilhelm II

  Funny, Kings, Women

  150 Copy quote

• Drink today, and drown all sorrow; You shall perhaps not do it tomorrow; Best, while you have it, use your breath; There is no drinking after death.

  Ben Jonson

  Drinking, Sorrow, Use

  Ben Jonson, Francis Beaumont, John Fletcher (1811). “The Dramatic Works of Ben Jonson, and Beaumont and Fletcher”, p.149

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• I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

  W. C. Fields

  Funny, Witty, Drinking

  98 Copy quote

• There are two kinds of people I don't trust: people who don't drink and people who collect stickers.

  Chelsea Handler

  Party, Drinking, Two

  Chelsea Handler (2005). “My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands”, p.84, Bloomsbury Publishing USA

  9 Copy quote

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• I am a drinker with writing problems.

  Brendan Behan

  Drinking, Writing, Problem

  22 Copy quote

• I went out with a guy who once told me I didn’t need to drink to make myself more fun to be around. I told him, I’m drinking so that you’re more fun to be around.

  Chelsea Handler

  Funny, Drinking, Humor

  8 Copy quote