Comedian Quotes - Page 21

• Will Rogers used to say he wouldn't run for president no matter how badly the country needed a comedian.

  Will Rogers

  Running, Country, President

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• I'm an entertainer, not a commentator. If you're a comedian your job is to make people laugh.

  Johnny Carson

  Jobs, People, Laughing

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• The mother-in-laws themselves weren't natural jokes but most comedians used to use that.

  Allen Toussaint

  Mother, Law, Use

  "'Fresh Air' Remembers Hit Songwriter, Pianist And Producer Allen Toussaint". "Fresh Air" with Dave Davies, www.npr.org. November 13, 2015.

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• I try to be personal, but that's not me, either. What seems to work best, and the tweets I enjoy reading the most, are when comedians just give jokes. It's a great joke of the day thing, especially revolving around current events. But that's not my forte either, so I find myself in no man's land with Twitter. I don't particularly enjoy giving me out to everyone.

  John Cho

  Reading, Men, Land

  Source: collider.com

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• One of the problems I see with these comics on television, particularly cable television, is, since you can say anything in terms of sex and scatological references and so on, therefore, you should do it. So they all limit themselves to these subjects and this vocabulary. My objection is that it is a lack of articulateness. Irreverence is easy, but what is hard is wit. Wit is what these comedians lack.

  Tom Lehrer

  Sex, Vocabulary, Say Anything

  Sydney Morning Herald interview, www.smh.com.au. March 1, 2003.

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• Only black people in the whole neighborhood, so let's break it down: Me, I'm a decent comedian, I'm a'ight. Mary J. Blige, one of the greatest R&B singers to ever walk the Earth. Jay-Z, one of the greatest rappers to ever live. Eddie Murphy, one of the funniest actors to ever, ever do it. Do you know what the white man that lives next door to me does for a living? He's a f*****g dentist.

  Chris Rock

  Men, Rapper, Doors

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• Those who say that Serena isn't serious about tennis; she wants to go Hollywood. That's true, about Hollywood. I would love to get a lot of acting gigs. But you wouldn't believe the stuff I've turned down because of my tournament schedule...I would do well beside (comedian) Chris Tucker.

  Serena Williams

  Believe, Tennis, Acting

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• As comedians, we have the opportunity to convey a message that will have an effect. The best can make you laugh and cry, the way musicians and actors can.

  Jay Pharoah

  Opportunity, Laughing, Musician

  Source: www.esquire.com

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• Eddie Murphy is to comedians what Nicki Minaj is to Spanx.

  Chris Rock

  Spanx, Murphy

  "Eddie Murphy awarded Mark Twain Prize: Here are the parts you might not see on the PBS special" by Peggy McGlone, www.washingtonpost.com. October 19, 2015.

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• For me, comedians are like the epitome for everything great, and they terrify me. I just want to be them. I want to be like them.

  Tatiana Maslany

  Want, Epitome

  Source: collider.com

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• I've seen comedians make people laugh by being either really dark and sad and touching, or really strange and bizarre and creepy. You can take the format and do whatever you want with it, and that seemed interesting to me.

  Amy Seimetz

  Dark, People, Laughing

  Source: www.interviewmagazine.com

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• I knew I wanted to be a performer and do comedy at 5 years old. My dad's wife, Marlene Rosenbaum, was boiling water and she goes, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" I said, "A comedian." And she laughed and laughed because she thought that was the cutest, funniest thing.

  Sandra Bernhard

  Growing Up, Dad, Years

  Source: www.interviewmagazine.com

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• I think comedians should focus on what makes them happy, what art form fulfills them the most. Don't be calculated about it and say, 'Okay, I'm gonna tweet, and I'm gonna podcast, and I'm gonna do standup, and one of those things is going to lead me to my own TV show.' I don't think that should be the goal.

  Scott Aukerman

  Art, Thinking, Tv Shows

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• If you're trying to cast the widest possible net to attract the largest selection of men or women, the last thing you should do is to start listing your income, political views, and the like. Avoid mentioning specific comedians, shows, or movies unless those are top-tier attributes on your list.

  Amy Webb

  Men, Views, Political

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• There's this other world where all comedians want to do is make funny videos. Typically what's happened in the past is that a comedian gets a standup career and over the course of 20 years builds it up to the point where Comedy Central gives them a sketch show.

  Gavin McInnes

  Past, Years, Other Worlds

  Source: www.interviewmagazine.com

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• I find comedians to be the biggest cocksuckers, because they don't want people to know how easy it is.

  Gavin McInnes

  People, Want, Easy

  Source: www.interviewmagazine.com

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• They're the darkest people I know, comedians.

  Jake Gyllenhaal

  People, Knows

  "10 Years After 'Brokeback,' Jake Gyllenhaal Remembers Heath Ledger: "Way Beyond His Years as a Human"". Interview with Stephen Galloway, www.hollywoodreporter.com. November 25, 2015.

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• I come from the stage. I started my career as a stand-up comedian and then later on became an actor.

  Patrick Huard

  Careers, Actors, Stage

  Source: collider.com

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• I think most comedians go through that (period), where you have to change or evolve. You don't want to just keep doing variations on the same themes. And, besides, it would look kinda creepy for a guy my age to be doing stuff that, like, a 20-year-old would do. 'Yeah, this is bullshit!' It's, like, 'Really? You don't have bigger concerns at this point in your life?'

  Patton Oswalt

  Thinking, Years, Bullshit

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• I don't really consider myself to be a comedian. I mean, it's not like I'm sitting around writing jokes or anything. I just like dressing up and pretending to be other people.

  Amy Sedaris

  Writing, Mean, Dressing Up

  Interview with Will Harris, www.bullz-eye.com. January 7, 2009.

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• Johnny Carson is a comedian who is seen every night in millions of bedrooms all over America...and that's why his last wife left him.

  Dean Martin

  Night, America, Wife

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• By elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

  George Carlin

  Honesty, Second Best, Elimination

  George Carlin (1998). “Brain Droppings”, Hyperion

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• We [me and my husband] both had our things. Seth was the artist, I was the singer. We were like "You do your thing, I'll do my thing and never the two shall meet." I think we had a healthy competition going through our childhood. But I sort of left the funny stuff to him, I said "You're the comedian, you're the jokester, you do that I'll be the more serious one." You need that kind of balance in the family.

  Rachael MacFarlane

  Husband, Artist, Thinking

  Source: collider.com

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• I'm not a comedian. I'm what you call a good, old-fashioned working actor who has had delusions of grandeur for my entire career and has known what I want to do.

  Chris Diamantopoulos

  Careers, Actors, Want

  Source: collider.com

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• Whoever calls and asks me to do stuff and obviously, with having your own TV show, people want you to get involved. They know you're a stand-up comedian so they're always looking for somebody funny to host an event.

  Chelsea Handler

  Tv Shows, People, Events

  "Chelsea Handler: Gay rights is no joke". Interview with Jessica Abramson, www.nbcnews.com. June 22, 2011.

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