Chelsea Handler Quotes About Mothers

Quotes about: Mothers

• My mother told me that life isn't always about pleasing yourself and that sometimes you have to do things for the sole benefit of another human being. I completely agreed with her, but reminded her that that was what blow jobs were for.

  Chelsea Handler

  Funny, Mother, Jobs

• I definitely don't want to have kids ... I don't think I'd be a great mother. I'm a great aunt or friend of a mother ... I don't want to spend that kind of time. I don't want to have a kid and have it raised by a nanny. I don't have time to raise a child.

  Chelsea Handler

  Mother, Children, Kids

  "11 Female Celebrities Who Are Happy Without Kids" y Emma Gray, www.huffingtonpost.com. May 8, 2013.

• Are you there vodka? It's me, Chelsea. Please get me out of jail and I promise I will never drink again. Drink and drive. I will never drink and drive again. I may even start my own group fashioned after MADD, Mothers Against Drunk Driving, but I'll call it AWLTDASH, Alcoholics Who Like to Drink and Stay Home.

  Chelsea Handler

  Funny, Mother, Home

  "Are You There Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea". Book by Chelsea Handler, 2008.

• Seeing your mother naked is not something you easily recover from. Seeing your mother naked and jumping from one side of a king-sized bed to the other with a nurse's hat on while your father, who is also naked, is chasing her with a bandanna around his neck, is reason to put yourself up for adoption.

  Chelsea Handler

  Mother, Kings, Father

  Chelsea Handler (2005). “My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands”, p.2, Bloomsbury Publishing USA

• Amy Winehouse's mother wrote an open letter to the News of the World newspaper telling Amy she's worried about her and to please call her. I doubt this is the best way to communicate with Amy - she should try spelling it out in lines of cocaine.

  Chelsea Handler

  Mother, Doubt, Trying

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