Toilets Quotes - Page 11

• The former police chief of Houston once said of me: "Frank Abagnale could write a check on toilet paper, drawn on the Confederate States Treasury, sign it 'U.R. Hooked' and cash it at any bank in town, using a Hong Kong driver's license for identification."

  Frank Abagnale

  Writing, Police, Houston

  "Catch Me if You Can: The True Story of a Real Fake". Book by Frank W. Abagnale, 1989.

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• There is only one immutable law in life - in a gentleman's toilet, incoming traffic has the right of way.

  Hugh Leonard

  Hilarious, Funny Life, Law

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• You act like getting pregnant is a disease you can catch from public toilets.

  Rainbow Rowell

  Disease, Pregnant

  Rainbow Rowell (2011). “Attachments”, p.17, Hachette UK

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• I sat on a toilet watching the water run thinking what an odd thing tourism is. You fly off to a strange land, eagerly abandoning all the comforts of home and then expend vast quantities of time and money in a largely futile effort to recapture the comforts you wouldn’t have lost if you hadn’t left home in the first place.

  Bill Bryson

  Running, Travel, Home

  "Neither Here Nor There". Book by Bill Bryson, 2012.

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• I must break out...
  ...start a new life...
  been here for years...
  might be getting into a rut...
  something a bit more exciting...
  more adventurous...
  something with more of a challenge...
  There's not much opportunity for self-advancement in toilets.

  Raymond Briggs

  Opportunity, Self, Years

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• Stay humble as a writer: write on toilet paper.

  Jonas Eriksson

  Writing, Humble, Paper

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• THESE ARE BEAUTIFUL PROPERTIES with basketball courts, bathroom facilities, toilet facilities. Many young people would love to get the hell out of cities

  Carl Paladino

  Basketball, Beautiful, Cities

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• Clean water is only as far away as the nearest tap, and there are taps everywhere. There's a faucet everywhere. But the reality is, the water in our toilets is cleaner than the water that most people are drinking.

  Matt Damon

  Drinking, Reality, People

  "Actor Matt Damon's Clean Water Mission" by Imtiyaz Delawala and Cindy Smith, abcnews.go.com. November 27, 2011.

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• It's a topsy-turvy world in which a country can import the same amount of ice-cream, toilet paper and other goods to trading partners as it exports, and where top bankers are paid millions for destroying economic value, while hospital cleaners create value many times their pay

  Andrew Simms

  Country, Ice Cream, Economic Value

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• I refuse to go into a fast-food outlet - to use the toilet even - in case anyone got the wrong idea and thought I was sneaking in a quick burger.

  Jonny Wilkinson

  Ideas, Burgers, Use

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• It's expensive to keep communism alive today. I've already got a huge foreign debt staring me in the face, and I can't reduce it by exporting tomatoes or toilet paper. We should be making dollars any way we can. And we should be exporting arms any way and every way, openly and secretly, legally or by smuggling, I don't care how.

  Nicolae Ceausescu

  War, Live For Today, Dollars

  "Red Horizons: Chronicles of a Communist Spy Chief". Book by Ion Mihai Pacepa, p. 119, 1987.

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• I'm here with Howard Millar and Michael Cawley, our two deputy chief executives. But they're presently making love in the gentleman's toilets, such is their excitement at today's results.

  Michael O'Leary

  Two, Making Love, Gentleman

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• It takes a minimum of six people, working in close harmony, to successfully flush a nautical toilet. That's why those old ships carried such large crews.

  Dave Barry

  Funny, People, Sailing

  Dave Barry (2010). “Dave Barry Talks Back”, p.90, Crown Archetype

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• There is nothing as relaxing as being out on the open sea, listening to the waves and the wind and the sails and voices downstairs yelling "HOW DO YOU FLUSH THESE TOILETS?"

  Dave Barry

  Funny, Yelling, Wind

  Dave Barry (2010). “Dave Barry Talks Back”, p.90, Crown Archetype

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• The games haven't even started yet and already there are people complaining about the horrible accommodations at the Sochi Olympic village. Toilets don't flush. The faucets spew discolored water. They say it's like being on a Royal Caribbean cruise.

  Jay Leno

  Games, People, Water

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• One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.

  Peter Kay

  Awkward, Stranger, Pubs

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• A couple must agree on the following topics: 1) Do they want kids? 2) Do they want a dog? 3) Do they want sex? 4) Do they want sleep? (If they answer yes to 3 and 4, then they must answer no to 1.) And finally, 5) Who mixes the cocktails before they both don the sexy rubber gloves and clean the toilet?

  E. Jean Carroll

  Sexy, Dog, Couple

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• Maybe I've moved to the dark side, but it's clean and nice and we never run out of toilet paper.

  Jen Lancaster

  Running, Nice, Dark

  Jen Lancaster (2012). “Jeneration X: One Reluctant Adult's Attempt to Unarrest Her Arrested Development; Or, Why It's Never Too Late for Her Dumb Ass to Learn Why Froot Loops Are Not for Dinner”, p.13, Penguin

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• You notice how they always put the fruit and veg at the entrance to the supermarket? You go in thinking 'this is a fresh shop, everything in here is FRESH! I will do well to shop here'. You never go straight to the bit with the toilet paper, loo brushes and such do you? You'd think 'this is a POO shop! Everything in here is themed on POO!

  Eddie Izzard

  Thinking, Paper, Fruit

  "Eddie Izzard: Definite Article ", www.imdb.com. 1996.

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• Sensitive. That killed me. That guy Morrow was about as sensitive as a toilet seat.

  J. D. Salinger

  Guy, Toilet Seat, Sensitive

  J. D. SALINGER (1951). “THE CATCHER IN THE RYE”

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• Nobody should have to clean up what goes on around the base of most toilets.

  T Cooper

  Should Have, Goes On, Clean

  Source: therumpus.net

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• When I was little, my friends would gush over wedding gowns and honeymoons. But I saw too many people flush decades together down the toilet over money or kids or meaningless flings. My own parents chose to stay married, which I think is rather funny, since they show about as much affection for each other as pit bulls in a ring. Tying the knot means slipping a noose around love and choking it to death.

  Ellen Hopkins

  Mean, Kids, Thinking

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• I could be worse, you know." "How?" I asked, teasing. "I mean, I have a work of calligraphy over my toilet that reads, 'Bathe yourself in the comfort of God's words,' Hazel. I could be way worse." "Sounds unsanitary," I said.

  John Green

  Mean, Sound, Comfort

  John Green (2012). “The Fault in Our Stars”, p.169, Penguin

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• But, dear God, don't listen to me. I'm an old lady in the middle of nowhere without a real toilet.

  Deb Caletti

  Real, Middle Of Nowhere, Dear God

  Deb Caletti (2011). “Stay”, p.309, Simon and Schuster

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• Trust me-that toilet and me were best friends for the first few days I was here.

  Alexander Gordon Smith

  Firsts, Trust Me

  Alexander Gordon Smith (2010). “Escape from Furnace 1: Lockdown”, p.55, Faber & Faber

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