Peter Kay Quotes

• Garlic bread - it's the future, I've tasted it.

  Peter Kay

  Garlic, Bread

  "Phoenix Nights". www.imdb.com. 2001-2002.

  41 Copy quote

• Why does mineral water that 'has trickled through mountains for centuries' have a 'use by' date?

  Peter Kay

  Water, Mountain, Doe

  29 Copy quote

• Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.

  Peter Kay

  Food, Squares, Sandwiches

  26 Copy quote

• You never know where to look when eating a banana.

  Peter Kay

  Clever, Looks, Bananas

  32 Copy quote

• One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.

  Peter Kay

  Awkward, Toilets, Stranger

  29 Copy quote

• I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.

  Peter Kay

  Thinking, Animal, Ideas

  64 Copy quote

• I'm not homophobic. I'm not scared of my house.

  Peter Kay

  House, Scared, Homophobic

  Peter Kay (2009). “The Sound of Laughter”, p.135, Random House

  28 Copy quote

• You ever dip your biscuit in your tea and it breaks. I swear now, you never get used to that.

  Peter Kay

  Tea, Biscuits, Dip

  "Mum Wants A Bungalow". Stand-up comedy tour by Peter Kay, 2003.

  33 Copy quote

• There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when your hand or head is stuck in something.

  Peter Kay

  Hands, Panic, Stuck

  37 Copy quote

• Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp no one would eat?

  Peter Kay

  Toasters, Horrible, Settings

  25 Copy quote

• Amarillio, just turn to the left and 500 yards down

  Peter Kay

  Fake People, Yards, Turns

  15 Copy quote

• Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.

  Peter Kay

  Family, Uncles, Noses

  16 Copy quote

• Is French kissing in France just called kissing?

  Peter Kay

  Kissing, France, French Kiss

  21 Copy quote

• The most painful household accident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.

  Peter Kay

  Painful, Plugs, Sock

  17 Copy quote

• It's impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.

  Peter Kay

  Style, Looks, Impossible

  13 Copy quote

• I might be collecting wheely bins in 12 months time but at least they'll be wheely bins outside back gates that I know, in a part of the country that I love. There's no place like home!

  Peter Kay

  Country, Home, Might

  19 Copy quote

• If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth?

  Peter Kay

  Land, Pieces, Earth

  20 Copy quote

• The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.

  Peter Kay

  Opportunity, Looks, Monkeys

  18 Copy quote

• Old women with mobile phones look wrong.

  Peter Kay

  Phones, Looks, Old Woman

  12 Copy quote

• No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.

  Peter Kay

  Coats, Coat Hangers, Metals

  14 Copy quote

• Some days you see lots of people on crutches.

  Peter Kay

  People, Disability, Crutches

  11 Copy quote

You May Also Like:

Michael McIntyre

Matt Lucas

Susan Boyle

Lee Evans

Danny Baker

Billy Connolly

Pete Waterman

Cat Deeley