Toilet Seat Quotes

• Online, you're providing each other with the good aspects of being together as far as communication and support, but you don't have to deal with the realities of paying bills together, or being annoyed when they leave the toilet seat up or don't put the food away in the fridge.

  Nev Schulman

  Communication, Reality, Support

  "Q&A: Catfish's Nev Schulman on How Real the Show Is". Interview with Anna Peele, www.esquire.com. June 25, 2013.

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• I believe your friends Misters Fred and George Weasley were responsible for trying to send you a toilet seat. No doubt they thought it would amuse you.

  J. K. Rowling

  Believe, Doubt, Trying

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• Eric Schmidt looks innocent enough, with his watercolor blue eyes and his tiny office full of toys and his Google campus stocked with volleyball courts and unlocked bikes and wheat-grass shots and cereal dispensers and Haribo Gummi Bears and heated toilet seats and herb gardens and parking lots with cords hanging to plug in electric cars.

  Maureen Dowd

  Volleyball, Eye, Garden

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• Sensitive. That killed me. That guy Morrow was about as sensitive as a toilet seat.

  J. D. Salinger

  Guy, Toilets, Sensitive

  J. D. SALINGER (1951). “THE CATCHER IN THE RYE”

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• We'll send you a Hogwarts toilet seat!

  J. K. Rowling

  Toilets, Hogwarts, Weasley

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• Don't, Ginny, we'll send you loads of owls. We'll send you a Hogwarts toilet seat. George! Only joking, Mum.

  J. K. Rowling

  Owl, Hogwarts, Toilets

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• Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in.

  Rita Rudner

  Funny, Fall, Humor

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• I smoke so much weed that you wouldn't believe and I get more ass then a toilet seat.

  Nate Dogg

  Weed, Believe, Rap

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• I will go to the Opening of Anything, including a Toilet Seat

  Andy Warhol

  Toilets, Opening, Including

  Andy Warhol, Bob Colacello (1979). “Andy Warhol's exposures”

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• I have always stated I designed the stadium as a toilet seat. I don't care if this is a great cultural event or a national symbol. It has nothing to do with me. It deals with the city.

  Ai Weiwei

  Cities, Events, Toilets

  Interview with Claudine Ko, www.mcsweeneys.net. 2007.

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• When I got my Oprah money, the first thing I bought was a really nice electronic bidet toilet seat. It just feels like this is what we should be doing. For everybody who uses it, it's like there's no goin' back.

  Zach Anner

  Nice, Use, Toilets

  Source: abilitymagazine.com

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• Don't get me started on cold toilet seats.

  Zach Braff

  Toilets, Cold, Seats

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• All that matters to me is the man in front of me right now. (Tory) I’m not a man, Soteria. (Acheron) I know. But if you think your godhood excuses you from putting the toilet seat down, think again. (Tory)

  Sherrilyn Kenyon

  Men, Thinking, Excuse You

  Sherrilyn Kenyon (2008). “Acheron: A Dark-Hunter Novel”, p.698, Macmillan

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• I like to play pranks on my girlfriend, you know, keep things fresh for me, make me laugh, you know? She hates it. But like, the other night, I put Saran wrap over the toilet seat, you know, which doesn't sound that original, but she's bulimic.

  Anthony Jeselnik

  Girlfriend, Hate, Night

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• If you want to play a cool punk club, that's great - but punk clubs don't have any toilet seats. After a while, little things like that become big issues.

  Joe Casey

  Play, Issues, Toilets

  Source: thequietus.com

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• Bad writing is not easier than good writing. It's just as hard to make a toilet seat as it is a castle window. Only the view is different.

  Ben Hecht

  Writing, Views, Castles

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• I don't think the press has done a very good job dealing with government spending.The Defense Department with the $9,500 toilet seat, that's not the problem anymore. Medicare and Medicaid and Social Security are the problem. That's us. That's our generation. There the press never says a word.

  Dave Barry

  Jobs, Thinking, Government

  ""All I Think Is That It's Stupid": An Interview with Dave Barry". Interview with Glenn Garvin, reason.com. December, 1994.

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• There is an apocalyptic view to this that is actually kind of appealing, which is the only way to kill big government is to let it kill itself. It's suicide by gluttony. Right now, the government is approaching Fat Elvis during those years in the '70s right before he croaked on the toilet seat. Basically ObamaCare is a huge tray of bacon and banana sandwiches. And it could happen in our lifetimes.

  Greg Gutfeld

  Suicide, Views, Years

  Source: www.foxnews.com

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• Each civilization may choose one of two roads to travel, that is, either fret itself to death, or pet itself to death. And in the course of doing one or the other, it eats its way into the Universe, turning cinders and flinders of stars into toilet seats, pegs, gears, cigarette holders and pillowcases, and it does this because, unable to fathom the Universe, it seeks to change that Fathomlessness into Something Fathomable.

  Stanislaw Lem

  Stars, Two, Civilization

  "The Cyberiad: Fables for the Cybernetic Age". Book by Stanisław Lem, translated by Michael Kandel. "Tale of the Three Storytelling Machines of King Genius", §10, 1974.

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• We imagine much more appropriately an artisan on his toilet seat or on his wife than a great president, venerable by his demeanorand his ability. It seems to us that they do not stoop from their lofty thrones even to live.

  Michel de Montaigne

  Imagination, Wife, President

  Michel de Montaigne (1958). “Complete Essays”, p.615, Stanford University Press

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• Tell me something, Adron. Sometime you’ve never shared with anyone else. Not even Thia. (Livia) I’m the one who glued Zarina to the toilet seat when she was seven. (Adron)

  Sherrilyn Kenyon

  Toilets, Seven, Seats

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• It's probably not love if you don't press your face to the toilet seat after they've used it to feel their warmth.

  Rob Delaney

  Love, Relationship, Laughing

  Twitter post from Oct 4, 2013

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• Im shy. I can go on a trip for days and not go because I wont sit on a toilet seat on a plane. Im certainly not going to go on somebodys lawn. Could you imagine, in a cocktail dress?

  Farrah Fawcett

  Dresses, Shy, Goes On

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• You're asking the government to control individual morality. This is a government that can't buy a toilet seat for under $600.

  Peter McWilliams

  Government, Individual Morality, Asking

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