Toilet Paper Quotes

• It is difficult to produce a television documentary that is both incisive and probing when every twelve minutes one is interrupted by twelve dancing rabbits singing about toilet paper.

  Rod Serling

  Funny, Dance, Humor

  64 Copy quote

• Success is like toilet paper, it only seems important when you don't have it.

  Richard Jeni

  Important, Paper, Toilets

  16 Copy quote

• I've learned that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

  Andy Rooney

  Life, Paper, Toilets

  47 Copy quote

• Problems are like toilet paper. You pull on one and ten more come.

  Woody Allen

  Paper, Toilets, Problem

  37 Copy quote

• I propose a limitation be put on how many squares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting.

  Sheryl Crow

  Squares, Sitting, Paper

  "Singer's toilet paper musings leave Rove untouched" by Dan Glaister, www.theguardian.com. April 23, 2007.

  18 Copy quote

  Show source

• Today you can go to a gas station and find the cash register open and the toilets locked. They must think toilet paper is worth more than money.

  Joey Bishop

  Money, Thinking, Gas Stations

  18 Copy quote

• Life before toilet paper was not worth living.

  Sherrilyn Kenyon

  Paper, Toilets, Worth Living

  Sherrilyn Kenyon (2013). “Styxx”, p.866, Macmillan

  4 Copy quote

  Show source

• Endangered forests are being slaughtered for toilet paper

  Daphne Zuniga

  Paper, Toilets, Forests

  16 Copy quote

• If you want to avoid heated arguments, never discuss religion, politics, or whether the toilet paper roll should go over or under.

  Al Yankovic

  Political, Paper, Toilets

  28 Copy quote

• It's not hard to tell we was poor - when you saw the toilet paper dryin' on the clothesline.

  George Lindsey

  Stupidity, Paper, Toilets

  17 Copy quote

• Before you rip off three feet of toilet paper, consider that each year 500,000 acres of virgin boreal forest in northern Alberta and Ontario are being clear-cut to make the stuff. These forests are home to some 500 First Nation communities, as well as caribou and bears, moose and wolves, and, in the summertime, billions of songbirds.

  Alex Shoumatoff

  Rip, Home, Cutting

  21 Copy quote

• When somebody follows you 20 blocks to the pharmacy, where they watch you buy toilet paper, you know your life has changed.

  Jennifer Aniston

  Block, Watches, Paper

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

  58 Copy quote

  Show source

• I like getting toilet paper thrown at me.

  Joel Madden

  Paper, Toilets, Thrown

  16 Copy quote

• France is a place where the money falls apart in your hands but you can't tear the toilet paper.

  Billy Wilder

  Travel, Money, Fall

  Billy Wilder, Robert Horton (2001). “Billy Wilder: Interviews”, p.23, Univ. Press of Mississippi

  24 Copy quote

  Show source

• You can almost judge how screwed up somebody is by the kind of toilet paper they use. Go in any rich house and it's some weird coloured embossed stuff.

  Don Van Vliet

  Umpires, Judging, House

  16 Copy quote

• You've no idea how wonderful toilet paper is until it's taken away from you by an unfeeling universe. I think it's the defining characteristic of human civilization, the ability to manufacture something decent to wipe your ass on.

  Peter F. Hamilton

  Taken, Thinking, Civilization

  Peter F. Hamilton (2009). “Judas Unchained”, p.906, Pan Macmillan

  9 Copy quote

  Show source

• The last time I was in Spain I got through six Jeffrey Archer novels. I must remember to take enough toilet paper next time.

  Bob Monkhouse

  Funny, Archer, Humor

  "They're not laughing now". www.theguardian.com. December 29, 2003.

  18 Copy quote

  Show source

• I can say with a solid degree of authority that I am a selfish person. I spontaneously forget the names of more people than not, unless I want to make out with them. I will take the last square of toilet paper off the roll without thinking twice. I tip taxi drivers so poorly I'm amazed none of them have run over my foot while speeding off.

  Sloane Crosley

  Running, Selfish, Thinking

  Sloane Crosley (2012). “I Was Told There'd Be Cake”, p.99, Portobello Books

  16 Copy quote

  Show source

• Leaders win through logistics. Vision, sure. Strategy, yes. But when you go to war, you need to have both toilet paper and bullets at the right place at the right time. In other words, you must win through superior logistics.

  Tom Peters

  War, Winning, Leader

  56 Copy quote

• We buy our own toilet paper even here in the White House.

  Barack Obama

  White, House, Paper

  Source: www.cbsnews.com

  5 Copy quote

  Show source

• You know you're lazy when you run out of toilet paper and use the cardboard roll to wipe with.

  Dane Cook

  Running, Lazy, Use

  5 Copy quote

• One of the most jolting days of adulthood comes the first time you run out of toilet paper. Toilet paper, up until this point, always just existed. And now it's a finite resource, constantly in danger of extinction, that must be carefully tracked and monitored, like pandas?

  Kelly Williams Brown

  Running, Pandas, Paper

  27 Copy quote

• My aunt in Knoxville would bring newspapers up, which we used for toilet paper. Before we used it, we'd look at the pictures.

  Dolly Parton

  Aunt, Looks, Paper

  Dolly Parton, Randy Schmidt (2017). “Not Dumb, Not Blonde: Dolly In Conversation”, p.86, Omnibus Press

  9 Copy quote

  Show source

• You might be a redneck if you've ever stolen toilet paper from a public restroom.

  Jeff Foxworthy

  Redneck, Paper, Toilets

  9 Copy quote

• Let me tell you, people go on and on about what a great idea electricity was, but I'm going to put toilet paper right next to the wheel and say those are the best ideas anyone's ever had. Scoff at it if you will, but try living for two millennia without it and then we'll talk.

  Kevin Hearne

  Ideas, Two, People

  Kevin Hearne (2014). “The Iron Druid Chronicles 6-Book Bundle: Hounded, Hexed, Hammered, Tricked, Trapped, Hunted”, p.293, Del Rey

  7 Copy quote

  Show source