Sloane Crosley Quotes

Quotes about:

• I never asked my mother where babies came from but I remember clearly the day she volunteered the information....my mother called me to set the table for dinner. She sat me down in the kitchen, and under the classic caveat of 'loving each other very, very much,' explained that when a man and a woman hug tightly, the man plants a seed in the woman. The seed grows into a baby. Then she sent me to the pantry to get placemats. As a direct result of this conversation, I wouldn't hug my father for two months.

  Sloane Crosley

  Mother, Baby, Sex

  "I Was Told There'd Be Cake". Book by Sloane Crosley, books.google.ru. 2008.

  46 Copy quote

• There are two kinds of people in this world: those who know where their high school yearbook is and those who do not.

  Sloane Crosley

  School, Yearbook, Two

  Sloane Crosley (2012). “I Was Told There'd Be Cake”, p.119, Portobello Books

  37 Copy quote

• Our brains are like bonsai trees, growing around our private versions of reality.

  Sloane Crosley

  Reality, Tree, Brain

  99 Copy quote

• Life starts out with everyone clapping when you take a poo and goes downhill from there.

  Sloane Crosley

  Clapping

  Sloane Crosley (2012). “I Was Told There'd Be Cake”, p.110, Portobello Books

  60 Copy quote

• No affair that begins with such an orchestrated overture can end on a simple note.

  Sloane Crosley

  Simple, Affair, Ends

  Sloane Crosley (2012). “I Was Told There'd Be Cake”, p.9, Portobello Books

  12 Copy quote

• If you have to ask someone to change, to tell you they love you, to bring wine to dinner, to call you when they land, you can't afford to be with them.

  Sloane Crosley

  Love You, Being Single, Being Alone

  Sloane Crosley (2010). “How Did You Get This Number”, p.132, Granta Books

  36 Copy quote

• I like to try to do a little work before I do anything in the morning, even if it's a paragraph.

  Sloane Crosley

  Morning, Trying, Littles

  9 Copy quote

• Sometimes we don't know what we want until we don't get it.

  Sloane Crosley

  Want, Sometimes, Knows

  Sloane Crosley (2012). “I Was Told There'd Be Cake”, p.73, Portobello Books

  4 Copy quote

• Who do you have to sleep with to get laid in this town?

  Sloane Crosley

  Sleep, Towns, Imperfect

  Sloane Crosley (2012). “I Was Told There'd Be Cake”, p.91, Portobello Books

  4 Copy quote

• Our culture's obsession with vintage objects has rendered us unable to separate history from nostalgia. People want heart. They want a chaser of emotion with their aesthetics.

  Sloane Crosley

  Heart, Vintage, People

  4 Copy quote

• In every woman's wardrobe, there are certain accessories that cannot be separated from their back stories.

  Sloane Crosley

  Accessories, Stories, Certain

  7 Copy quote

• I do want to get married. It's a nice idea. Though I think husbands are like tattoos--you should wait until you come across something you want on your body for the rest of your life instead of just wandering into a tattoo parlor on some idle Sunday and saying, 'I feel like I should have one of these suckers by now. I'll take a thorny rose and a "MOM" anchor, please. No, not that one--the big one.

  Sloane Crosley

  Tattoo, Mom, Husband

  Sloane Crosley (2008). “I Was Told There'd Be Cake”, p.120, Penguin

  7 Copy quote

• I thought I was going to write fiction but I fell backwards into non-fiction. It started when I got locked out of two apartments in one day and I told the story to some friends, one of whom worked in the 'Village Voice' and asked me to turn it into an essay.

  Sloane Crosley

  Writing, Two, Voice

  "Book Talk: Sloane Crosley hits brothels and clowns in new essays". Interview with Belinda Goldsmith, www.reuters.com. June 23, 2010.

  7 Copy quote

• I got out on the street and started crying the kind of hysterical tears made justifiable only by turning off one’s cell phone, putting it to the ear, and pretending to be told of a death in the family.

  Sloane Crosley

  Phones, Cells, Tears

  Sloane Crosley (2008). “I Was Told There'd Be Cake”, p.35, Penguin

  4 Copy quote

• I used to think that nails-down-a-chalkboard was the worst sound in the world. Then I moved on to people-eating-cereal-on-the-phone. But only this week did I stumble across the rightful winner: it's the sound of a baggage carousel coming to a grinding halt, having reunited every passenger on your flight with their luggage, except for you.

  Sloane Crosley

  Travel, Thinking, Phones

  37 Copy quote

• I was compiling a list in my head titled 'Reasons to Get Up: You Don't Have to Leave, but You Can't Pee Here.

  Sloane Crosley

  Lists, Reason, Get Up

  Sloane Crosley (2010). “How Did You Get This Number”, p.134, Penguin

  4 Copy quote

• Because this is the beauty of strangers: we're all just doing our best to help each other out, motivated not by karma but by a natural instinct to help the greater whole.

  Sloane Crosley

  Karma, Natural Instinct, Helping

  Sloane Crosley (2012). “I Was Told There'd Be Cake”, p.79, Portobello Books

  5 Copy quote

• My mother is a special education teacher but also an artist, and my father an advertising executive. They are about as wacky as you can get without being alcoholics.

  Sloane Crosley

  Mother, Teacher, Father

  "Book Talk: Sloane Crosley hits brothels and clowns in new essays". Interview with Belinda Goldsmith, www.reuters.com. June 23, 2010.

  4 Copy quote

• I thought I'd had another few decades before my noise complaint years.

  Sloane Crosley

  Years, Noise, Refreshing

  Sloane Crosley (2012). “I Was Told There'd Be Cake”, p.58, Portobello Books

  4 Copy quote

• We all deserve to be congratulated, but sadly that would mean there's no one left to do the congratulating.

  Sloane Crosley

  Mean, Left, Deserve

  Sloane Crosley (2012). “I Was Told There'd Be Cake”, p.110, Portobello Books

  5 Copy quote

• Kids across the country have grown up accepting the idea that no one can harm your family if at least one of its adult members is in the shower. No one knows why.

  Sloane Crosley

  Country, Kids, Ideas

  Sloane Crosley (2012). “I Was Told There'd Be Cake”, p.62, Portobello Books

  4 Copy quote

• You know what they say: 'Why sit at a table that doesn't have key lime pie on it if you don't have to?'

  Sloane Crosley

  Keys, Pie, Tables

  8 Copy quote

• I was diagnosed with a severe temporal spatial deficit, a learning disability that means I have zero spatial relations skills. It was official: I was a genius trapped in an idiot's body.

  Sloane Crosley

  Zero, Mean, Skills

  Sloane Crosley (2010). “How Did You Get This Number”, p.24, Penguin

  7 Copy quote

• In my lame pescetarian defense, it's very hard to be a girl and say you won't eat something. Refuse one plate of bacon-wrapped pork rinds and you're anorexic. Accept them and you're on the Atkins. Excuse yourself to go to the bathroom and you're bulimic. Best to keep perfectly still and bring an IV of fluids with you to dinner.

  Sloane Crosley

  Girl, Pork, Defense

  7 Copy quote

• I love to bake, so I made vanilla bean and blueberry muffins for sick hospital children. Just kidding! All of that is true except the sick children part.

  Sloane Crosley

  Children, Sick, Muffins

  18 Copy quote

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