Toilets Quotes - Page 15

• Is there a phone I can use? (Talon) In the kitchen. (Sunshine) Could you please bring it to me? (Talon) It’s not cordless. I always lose those things or I drop them someplace and break them. The last one I had ended up drowning in the toilet. (Sunshine)

  Sherrilyn Kenyon

  Sunshine, Phones, Kitchen

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• The miracle of modern science. The LEP pours millions into your department, Foaly, and all you can do is send Mud Boys to the toilet.

  Eoin Colfer

  Boys, Miracle, Mud

  Eoin Colfer (2005). “Artemis Fowl: The Eternity Code - Book #3”, Miramax

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• I wasn't paying attention," said Myrtle dramatically. "Peeves upset me so much I came in here and tried to kill myself. Then, of course, I remembered that I'm -- that I'm --" "Already dead," said Ron hopefully. Myrtle gave a tragic sob, rose up in the air, turned over, and dived headfirst into the toilet, splashing water all over them and vanishing from sight, although from the direction of her muffled sobs, she had come to rest somewhere in the U-bend.

  J. K. Rowling

  Sight, Air, Water

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• It's the mortal cup Jace, not the mortal toilet bowl.

  Cassandra Clare

  Cups, Bones, Jace

  Cassandra Clare (2011). “Cassandra Clare: The Mortal Instrument Series (4 books): City of Bones; City of Ashes; City of Glass; City of Fallen Angels”, p.310, Simon and Schuster

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• The most work he did on [the urinals] was to run a brush once or twice apiece, singing some song as loud as he could in time to the swishing brush; then he'd splash in some Clorox and he'd be through. ... And when the Big Nurse...came in to check McMurphy's cleaning assignment personally, she brought a little compact mirror and she held it under the rim of the bowls. She walked along shaking her head and saying, "Why, this is an outrage... an outrage..." at every bowl. McMurphy sidled right along beside her, winking down his nose and saying in answer, "No; that's a toilet bowl...a TOILET bowl.

  Ken Kesey

  Running, Song, Mcmurphy

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• If a life goes down the toilet, it comes out in a river and meets the sea.

  Carol Plum-Ucci

  Sea, Rivers, Ifs

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• Angela had done a marvelous job, I tell you. The puke was everywhere except the toilet. The walls, the floor, the sinks - even on the ceiling, though don't ask me how she did that. So there I was, perched on all fours, cleaning up the puke at the homecoming dance in my best blue suit, which was exactly what I had wanted to avoid in the first place. And Jamie, my date, was on all fours, too, doing exactly the same thing.

  Nicholas Sparks

  Jobs, Wall, Blue

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• Whasthat!" "Um ... those are the toilets.

  Rick Riordan

  Rick Riordan (2008). “Percy Jackson and the Sea of Monsters”, p.42, Penguin UK

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• This is the man who called the fire department when the toilet backed up, and I'm asking him for help. What was I thinking? Why am I attracted to weak men?

  Christopher Moore

  Men, Thinking, Fire

  Christopher Moore (2009). “Bloodsucking Fiends: A Love Story”, p.17, Simon and Schuster

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• There were other stories and other names. Second Base Stace, who had breasts in fourth grade and let some of the boys feel them. Vincent, who took acid and tried to flush a sofa down the toilet. Sheila, who allegedly masturbated with a hot dog and had to go to the emergency room. The list went on and on.

  Stephen Chbosky

  Dog, Boys, Names

  Stephen Chbosky (2013). “The Perks of Being a Wallflower YA edition”, p.152, Simon and Schuster

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• We're living in a funny world kid, a peculiar civilization. The police are playing crooks in it, and the crooks are doing police duty. The politicians are preachers, and the preachers are politicians. The tax collectors collect for themselves. The Bad People want us to have more dough, and the good people are fighting to keep it from us. It's not good for us, know what I mean? If we had all we wanted to eat, we'd eat too much. We'd have inflation in the toilet paper industry. That's the way I understand it. That's about the size of some of the arguments I've heard.

  Jim Thompson

  Mean, Kids, Fighting

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• The burden of keeping three people in toilet paper seemed to me rather a heavy one.

  Barbara Pym

  People, Three, Paper

  Barbara Pym (2006). “Excellent Women”, p.16, Penguin

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• Don't, Ginny, we'll send you loads of owls. We'll send you a Hogwarts toilet seat. George! Only joking, Mum.

  J. K. Rowling

  Owl, Hogwarts, Toilet Seat

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• Timmy, who made a daring escape, also made a mistake of paying the taxi driver with a check made out of toilet paper.

  Janet Frame

  Mistake, Paper, Checks

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• And of course, when you see your brother in the toilet bowl...there's a little voice that say, 'I wonder where he would go...'...if it hadn't been for his head.

  Bill Cosby

  Brother, Voice, Littles

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• I still have a fondness for books. Many a time I will be antiquing, and I'll say, 'What's that old-timey curio over there? What is that, a candlestick telephone, one of those old pull-chain toilets? Oh no, it's a book. I used to help make those things! I will buy it and use it to decorate my chain of casual family-dining restaurants.

  John Hodgman

  Book, Dining, Use

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• If his drunkenness had legs, it would be Alexander the Great and conquer the known world. Then it would puke for a week into a solid gold toilet it stole from Zeus's guest room.

  Richard Kadrey

  Gold, Rooms, Would Be

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• I smoke so much weed that you wouldn't believe and I get more ass then a toilet seat.

  Nate Dogg

  Weed, Believe, Rap

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• You might be a redneck if you've ever stolen toilet paper from a public restroom.

  Jeff Foxworthy

  Redneck, Paper, Might

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• Most people in America want an easy read. I call it McFiction - books which pass right through you without you even digesting them. I don't mean a book that has two-syllable words. I mean chapters you can read in a toilet break. Happy endings. We are more of a TV culture.

  Jodi Picoult

  Book, Mean, Two

  "The great unknown". Interview with Louise France, www.theguardian.com. April 14, 2007.

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• I really can't be bothered going to a barber. And shaving every morning, that's nightmarish. I spent my teenage years covered in tiny little bits of toilet paper.

  Alan Moore

  Morning, Teenage, Years

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• You know you're lazy when you run out of toilet paper and use the cardboard roll to wipe with.

  Dane Cook

  Running, Lazy, Use

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• The winner of the Westminster Dog Show gets to drink champagne - out of the toilet.

  David Letterman

  Dog, Winner, Drink

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• Wichita Falls, Texas is considering using toilet water for drinking. And a dog there today said, 'White people's problems.'

  Bill Maher

  Dog, Drinking, Fall

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• Tell me why it is that a toddler will gag over a perfectly wonderful breakfast of ham, eggs, biscuits, juice, and jelly. But then he will enthusiastically drink the dog's water and play in the toilet. Truly, he is his mother's greatest challenge...; and her most inexpressible joy.

  James Dobson

  Mother, Dog, Play

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