Sarcastic Quotes - Page 22

• The word aerobics comes from two Greek words: aero, meaning “ability to,” and bics, meaning “withstand tremendous boredom.

  Dave Barry

  Fitness, Sarcasm, Blessing

  Dave Barry (1985). “Dave Barry's Stay Fit and Healthy Until You're Dead”, p.13, Rodale

  53 Copy quote

  Show source

• How marriage ruins a man! It is as demoralizing as cigarettes, and far more expensive.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Marriage, Wedding

  Oscar Wilde (2013). “Lady Windermere's Fan”, p.55, Courier Corporation

  13 Copy quote

  Show source

• It isn't what I do, but how I do it. It isn't what I say, but how I say it, and how I look when I do it and say it.

  Mae West

  Witty, Humorous, Looks

  Mae West (1967). “The wit and wisdom of Mae West”

  9 Copy quote

  Show source

• Love thy neighbor - and if he happens to be tall, debonair and devastating, it will be that much easier.

  Mae West

  Love, Funny, Anniversary

  Mae West (1967). “The wit and wisdom of Mae West”

  97 Copy quote

  Show source

• There is nothing so difficult to marry as a large nose.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Noses, Difficult

  Oscar Wilde (2013). “An Ideal Husband: Second Edition, Revised”, p.36, A&C Black

  7 Copy quote

  Show source

• A dame that knows the ropes isn't likely to get tied up.

  Mae West

  Relationship, Confidence, Witty

  Mae West (1967). “The wit and wisdom of Mae West”

  74 Copy quote

  Show source

• Experts say that Iraq may have nuclear weapons. That's bad news - they may have a nuclear bomb. Now the good news is that they have to drop it with a camel.

  David Letterman

  Funny, Iraq, Camels

  18 Copy quote

• Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

  David Letterman

  Funny, New York, Traffic

  "Late Show with David Letterman",

  55 Copy quote

  Show source

• Last night the United States dropped four 2,000 pound bombs on Saddam Hussein. I don't know anything about explosives, but, my God, do those things even need to explode?

  David Letterman

  Funny, Night, Usa

  10 Copy quote

• I see you're a man with ideals. I better be going before you've still got them.

  Mae West

  Witty, Humorous, Men

  4 Copy quote

• I'm a woman of very few words, but lots of action.

  Mae West

  Witty, Humorous, Sassy

  Mae West (1967). “The wit and wisdom of Mae West”

  19 Copy quote

  Show source

• The best way to hold a man is in your arms.

  Mae West

  Inspirational, Witty, Humorous

  Mae West (1967). “The wit and wisdom of Mae West”

  32 Copy quote

  Show source

• Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly.

  Mae West

  Funny, Witty, Humorous

  97 Copy quote

• If the world should blow itself up, the last audible voice would be that of an expert saying it can't be done.

  Peter Ustinov

  Future, Sarcasm, Blow

  "Ustinov's comic touch". BBC obituary, news.bbc.co.uk. March 29, 2004.

  44 Copy quote

  Show source

• Action speaks louder than words but not nearly as often.

  Mark Twain

  Inspirational, Success, Sarcasm

  23 Copy quote

• The good ended happily, and the bad unhappily. That is what fiction means.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Change, Mean

  The Importance of Being Earnest act 2 (1895)

  8 Copy quote

  Show source

• I have found men who didn't know how to kiss. I've always found time to teach them.

  Mae West

  Love, Funny, Witty

  Mae West (1959). “Goodness Had Nothing to Do with it: Autobiography”, Chelsea House

  11 Copy quote

  Show source

• My mom was sarcastic about men. She would tell me Adam was the rough draft and Eve was the final product. She was a feminist minister, an earth mom who wore a bra only on Sundays.

  Daphne Zuniga

  Mom, Sunday, Men

  8 Copy quote

• People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily.

  Zig Ziglar

  Inspirational, Funny, Life

  FaceBook post by Zig Ziglar from Sep 22, 2016

  86 Copy quote

  Show source

• I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.

  Henny Youngman

  Love, Funny, Anniversary

  19 Copy quote

• Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

  Steven Wright

  Cat, Sarcasm, Curiosity

  "I Have A Pony". Comedy album by Steven Wright, 1985.

  89 Copy quote

  Show source
• 

  There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Sports, Humor

  91 Copy quote

• The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby.

  Natalie Wood

  Funny, Success, Hilarious

  91 Copy quote

• Now that the House of Commons is trying to become useful, it does a great deal of harm.

  Oscar Wilde

  House, Political, Trying

  Oscar Wilde, General Press (2016). “The Complete Works of Oscar Wilde: Novel, Short Stories, Poetry, Essays and Plays”, p.1159, GENERAL PRESS

  7 Copy quote

  Show source

• Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.

  Mark Twain

  Sarcasm, Stubborn, Statistics

  80 Copy quote