Sarcastic Quotes - Page 24

• I’ve noticed that one thing about parents is that no matter what stage your child is in, the parents who have older children always tell you the next stage is worse.

  Dave Barry

  Funny, Children, Kids

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• It is after you have lost your teeth that you can afford to buy steaks.

  Pierre-Auguste Renoir

  Inspirational, Sarcasm, Teeth

  19 Copy quote

• I always like to know everything about my new friends, and nothing about my old ones.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, New Relationship, Friends Forever

  Oscar Wilde (2007). “The Collected Works of Oscar Wilde”, p.27, Wordsworth Editions

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• Oh, look at me! I'm making people happy! I'm the Magical Man from Happy-Land, in a gumdrop house on Lollipop Lane! Oh, by the way, I was being sarcastic.

  Homer

  Men, Land, People

  84 Copy quote

• Cookbooks bear the same relation to real books that microwave food bears to your grandmother?s.

  Andrei Codrescu

  Real, Book, Grandmother

  Andrei Codrescu (1989). “Raised by puppets, only to be killed by research”, Addison Wesley Publishing Company

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• For hearts that are kindly, with virtue and peace, and not seeking blindly a hoard to increase; for those who are grieving o'er life's sordid plan; for souls still believing in heaven and man; for homes that are lowly with love at the board; for things th

  Walter Mason Camp

  Inspirational, Thanksgiving, Believe

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• I see when men love women. They give them but a little of their lives. But women when they love give everything.

  Oscar Wilde

  Love, Funny, Boyfriend

  Oscar Wilde (2007). “The Collected Works of Oscar Wilde”, p.452, Wordsworth Editions

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• It is quite untrue that British people don't appreciate music. They may not understand it but they absolutely love the noise it makes.

  Thomas Beecham

  Sarcasm, People, Appreciate

  32 Copy quote

• So, have a little fun. Soon enough you'll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.

  George Carlin

  Funny, Witty, Humorous

  George Carlin (1998). “Brain Droppings”, Hyperion

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• Death and taxes may be inevitable, but they shouldn't be related.

  J. C. Watts

  May, Inevitable, Taxes

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• The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

  David Letterman

  Funny, Writing, White

  54 Copy quote

• If you don't advertise yourself you will be advertised by your loving enemies.

  Elbert Hubbard

  Funny, Sarcasm, Enemy

  Elbert Hubbard (1929). “Advertising and Advertisements”

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• I always get the better when I argue alone.

  Oliver Goldsmith

  Funny, Sarcasm, Arguing

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• The true God, the mighty God, is the God of ideas.

  Alfred de Vigny

  Funny, Ideas, Mighty God

  56 Copy quote

• There are more bad musicians than there is bad music.

  Isaac Stern

  Sarcasm, Musical, Musician

  28 Copy quote

• Since I started making films, I've been a nut for dialogue. When I first saw Star Wars when I was 12 years old, I came home and recited all of the lines from it. Before I talked about Death Stars exploding and Tie Fighters I was talking about how funny Princess Leia was and how sarcastic Han Solo was. So to me that's always the most important thing, and I love hearing great actors say great lines.

  Bryan Singer

  Stars, War, Princess

  Source: collider.com

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• No, Groucho is not my real name. I am breaking it in for a friend.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Real, Humor

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• I've been fortunate - I haven't had too many auditions. I slept with the right people.

  Pamela Anderson

  Funny, People, Auditions

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• If I didn't kick his ass every day? he wouldn't be worth anything.

  Hillary Clinton

  Funny, Ass, Kicks

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• What difference does it make how much you have? What you do not have amounts to much more.

  Seneca the Younger

  Funny, Inspiring, Money

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• Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't driving around on a bus and having a campfire kind of adding to the environment problem?

  Will Smith

  Funny, Driving, Kind

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• Manuel will show you to your rooms - if you're lucky.

  John Cleese

  Funny, Lucky, Rooms

  John Cleese, Connie Booth (2001). “The Complete Fawlty Towers”

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• Folks always look good in their coffins.

  Elvis Presley

  Funny, Coffins, Looks

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• There have been many definitions of hell, but for the English the best definition is that it is the place where the Germans are the police, the Swedish are the comedians, the Italians are the defense force, Frenchmen dig the roads, the Belgians are the pop singers, the Spanish run the railways, the Turks cook the food, the Irish are the waiters, the Greeks run the government, and the common language is Dutch.

  David Frost

  Running, Government, Greek

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• What do you call 500 lawyers lying on the bottom of the Ocean? A good start.

  Danny DeVito

  Funny, Lying, Ocean

  11 Copy quote