Funny Love Quotes - Page 9

• A lover tries to stand in well with the pet dog of the house.

  Moliere

  Dog, Teenage Love, Alaska

  17 Copy quote

• On the secret to a lasting marrige: One of you has to be sane, and the other one is only allowed to be insanne occasionally. We take turnes on who gets to be wich person

  Christopher Meloni

  Love, Funny, Secret

  5 Copy quote

• Birds do it, bees do it, even educated fleas do it; let's do it, let's fall in love.

  Cole Porter

  Love, Fall, Bird

  "Let's Do It" (song) (1954). These words were added to the original 1928 song, replacing lines including "Chinks do it, Japs do it" because Porter realized that those lyrics were offensive.

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• My wife said, 'Can my mother come down for the weekend?' So I said, 'Why?' And she said, 'Well, she's been up on the roof two weeks already.'

  Bob Monkhouse

  Love, Funny, Mother

  "They're not laughing now". www.theguardian.com. December 29, 2003.

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• The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.

  Groucho Marx

  Marriage, Wedding, Husband

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with some one long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.

  Chelsea Handler

  Funny, Women, Love You

  Chelsea Handler (2009). “Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea”, p.112, Simon and Schuster

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• What once were two, are one

  George Saunders

  Love, Funny, Two

  4 Copy quote

• One good husband is worth two good wives, for the scarcer things are, the more they are valued.

  Benjamin Franklin

  Love, Anniversary, Thank You

  Benjamin Franklin (2008). “The Way to Wealth and Poor Richard's Almanac”, Nayika Publishing

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• Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.

  Benjamin Franklin

  Family, Marriage, Wedding

  Poor Richard's Almanack, June 1738

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• To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.

  Oscar Wilde

  Love, Life, Confidence

  "Phrases and Philosophies for the Use of the Young" (1894)

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• 

  If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married.

  Katharine Hepburn

  Marriage, Wedding, Sex

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• I love you like a fat kid loves cake!

  Scott Adams

  Love, Valentines Day, Food

  86 Copy quote

• Then there was a man who said, 'I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; by then it was too late'

  Oscar Wilde

  Anniversary, Real, Men

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• Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke.

  Lynda Barry

  Love, Funny Valentines Day, Best Love

  58 Copy quote

• When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second.

  Albert Einstein

  Love, Girl, Funny Inspirational

  7 Copy quote

• When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.

  Albert Einstein

  Funny, Girl, Witty

  "News Chronicle" (March 14, 1949), as cited by "The Columbia World of Quotations", 1996.

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• Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.

  Albert Einstein

  Inspirational, Funny, Change

  Albert Einstein (2010). “The Ultimate Quotable Einstein”, p.482, Princeton University Press

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• Love is only a dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species.

  W. Somerset Maugham

  Love, Sarcastic, Depressing

  83 Copy quote

• The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Life, Marriage

  135 Copy quote

• Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.

  Jackie Mason

  Marriage, Cheating, Love You

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

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• You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

  Henny Youngman

  I Love You, Marriage, Married

  26 Copy quote

• Marriage is the most advanced form of warfare in the modern world.

  Malcolm Bradbury

  Love, Sexy, Warfare

  Malcolm Bradbury (1976). “The history man: a novel”, Houghton Mifflin Harcourt (HMH)

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• Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Relationship, Anniversary

  88 Copy quote

• I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.

  Steve Martin

  Love, Funny, Witty

  FaceBook post by Steve Martin from Sep 22, 2011

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• No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy.

  Henry A. Kissinger

  Love, Funny, Leadership

  41 Copy quote