Funny Life Quotes - Page 10

• Life is a maze in which we take the wrong turning before we have learned to walk.

  Cyril Connolly

  Life, Mazes, Walks

  25 Copy quote

• As I get older, I just prefer to knit.

  Tracey Ullman

  Funny, Witty, Recycling

  Interview with Nicki Gostin, www.newsweek.com. September 19, 2004.

  46 Copy quote

  Show source

• It's a funny old world. A man's lucky if he gets out of it alive.

  W. C. Fields

  Men, Lucky, Alive

  You're Telling Me (motion picture) (1934).

  18 Copy quote

  Show source

• Life isn't a cabaret. It's a dive bar.

  Woody Paige

  Bars, Cabaret

  4 Copy quote

• Life is a crowded superhighway with bewildering cloverleaf exits on which a man is liable to find himself speeding back in the direction he came.

  Peter De Vries

  Men, Exit, Life Is

  14 Copy quote

• I intend to live forever, or die trying.

  Groucho Marx

  Death, Forever, Trying

  52 Copy quote

• It was almost funny. Life seemed downright accidental in its brevity, and death a punch line to a lousy joke.

  Maureen Johnson

  Lines, Brevity, Jokes

  Maureen Johnson (2011). “The Name of the Star”, p.139, Penguin

  4 Copy quote

  Show source

• You'll be richer in the end than a prince, if you're a friend.

  Edgar Guest

  Funny, Smile, Ends

  Edgar Guest (1916). “A Heap o' Living'”

  15 Copy quote

  Show source

• Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven.

  W. C. Fields

  Christmas, Drinking, House

  11 Copy quote

• it's a funny life. Either you don't make a red cent and you have all the time in the world, or else you get double the money and you don't have a moment to spend a penny of it.

  Gabrielle Roy

  Time, Money, World

  8 Copy quote

• In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out.

  Joey Lauren Adams

  Life, Anniversary, Wife

  4 Copy quote

• A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore.

  Yogi Berra

  Funny, Baseball, Money

  Yogi Berra (1998). “The Yogi Book”, p.26, Workman Publishing

  31 Copy quote

  Show source

• Life is painful, nasty and short.. in my case it has only been painful and nasty.

  Djuna Barnes

  Funny, Life Is Short, Bad Day

  Djuna Barnes, Phillip F. Herring, Osias Stutman (2005). “Collected Poems: With Notes Toward the Memoirs”, p.285, Univ of Wisconsin Press

  7 Copy quote

  Show source

• Planned obsolescence is not really a new concept. God used it with people.

  Robert Orben

  People, Used, Obsolescence

  91 Copy quote

• Airplanes may kill you, but they ain't likely to hurt you.

  Satchel Paige

  Funny, Sports, Witty

  8 Copy quote

• I'm spending a year dead for tax reasons.

  Douglas Adams

  Money, Years, Taxes Funny

  10 Copy quote

• Anybody can win - unless there happens to be a second entry.

  George Ade

  Hilarious, Sarcastic, Laughter

  Fables in Slang (1900) p. 133

  16 Copy quote

  Show source

• Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.

  Fred Allen

  Life, Men, Objectivity

  8 Copy quote

• Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.

  Dave Barry

  Funny, Life, Humorous

  11 Copy quote

• Life is funny. Life isn’t categorized into comedy, drama, action, is it?So I don’t know why they try to categorize everything. It drives me crazy-why it would have to be just a romantic comedy or…I want to have a little integrity, a little story, you know

  Jennifer Aniston

  Integrity, Crazy, Drama

  Primetime interview, January 2004.

  5 Copy quote

  Show source