The only mothers it is safe to forget on Mother's Day are the good ones.
If the pain wanders, do not waste your time with doctors.
A car is useless in New York, essential everywhere else. The same with good manners.
I wish I'd said it first, and I don't even know who did: The only problems that money can solve are money problems.
Nobody ever loved anybody like everybody wants to be loved.
Don't look for God where He is needed most; if you didn't bring Him there, He isn't there.
Anywhere you go liking everyone, everyone will be likeable.
Only where children gather is there any real chance of fun.
How tired God must be of guilt and loneliness, for that is all we ever bring to Him.
Albert Einstein when asked what he considered to be the most powerful force in the universe answered: Compound interest!
After he has had his tantrum, the neurotic expects those around him to feel friendly and relaxed; after all, he does.
Revenge leads to an empty fullness, like eating dirt.
Few women care what a man looks like, and a good thing too.
A woman ought to look up to her husband, if only a half-inch.
What a shame that allowances have to stop with the teens: both those that are paid to us and those that are made for us.
You can't truthfully explain your smallest action without fully revealing your character.
Philosophy teaches a man that he can't take it with him; taxes teach him he can't leave it behind either.
We are like people with short-term leases on summer cottages; we can never seem to make our provisions come out even with our stay.
In the theater, as in life, we prefer a villain with a sense of humor to a hero without one.
A woman will do anything to keep a pretty figure, but hardly anything to get one.
Neurotics always feel as though they were going way up or way down, which is odd in people going sideways.
When the pressures really mount, the neurotic must choose: Shall he have a good cry, or set fire to his neighbor's house?
Humiliation is a vast country of imprecise boundaries. If you think you're there, you are. The neurotic rule: when in doubt, go ahead and feel humiliated.
It's impossible to be loyal to your family, your friends, your country, and your principles, all at the same time.
Spiritual sloth, or acedia, was known as The Sin of the Middle Ages. It's the sin of my middle age, too.
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