Find out what you like doing best, and get someone to pay you for it.
The wind of change, whatever it is, blows most freely through an open mind.
The main purpose of children's parties is to remind you that there are children more awful than your own.
One reason you are stricken when your parents die is that the audience you've been aiming at all your life - shocking it, pleasing it - has suddenly left the theater.
The easiest way for your children to learn about money is for you not to have any.
In my next life I want to be a pessimist. Then other people could spend all their time cheering me up.
It might be marvelous to be a man - then I could stop worrying about what's fair to women and just cheerfully assume I was superior, and that they had all been born to iron my shirts. Better still, I could be an Irish man - then I would have all the privileges of being male without giving up the right to be wayward, temperamental and an appealing minority.
Why do born-again people so often make you wish they'd never been born the first time?
The rule is not to talk about money with people who have much more or much less than you.
A good marriage is like Dr Who's Tardis: small and banal from the outside but spacious and interesting from within.
Filing is concerned with the past; anything you actually need to see again has to do with the future.
I am all for people having their heart in the right place; but the right place for a heart is not inside the head.
It is a pity that so often the only way to treat girls like people seems to be to treat them like boys.
I blame Rousseau, myself. "Man is born free", indeed. Man is not born free, he is born attached to his mother by a cord and is not capable of looking after himself for at least seven years (seventy in some cases).
Whereas a lot of men used to ask for conversation when they really wanted sex, nowadays they often feel obliged to ask for sex even when they really want conversation.
As anyone who has ever fallen foul of an airport, a conventional hospital or a bad restaurant knows, misery is made up of little things.
Have you ever taken anything out of the clothes basket because it had become, relatively, the cleaner thing?
Being young is not having any money; being young is not minding not having any money.
Any committee that is the slightest use is composed of people who are too busy to want to sit on it for a second longer than they have to.
American patriotism is generally something that amuses Europeans, I suppose because children look idiotic saluting the flag and because the constitution contains so many cracks through which the lawyers may creep.
It has long been my boast that I can read or eat anything. But unfortunately, although I eat like a Hoover, I read so slowly that I am always on the smart book three years after everyone else has finished.
There are some circles in America where it seems to be more socially acceptable to carry a hand-gun than a packet of cigarettes.
When it comes to housework the one thing no book of household management can ever tell you is how to begin. Or maybe I mean why.
I just wish, when neither of us has written to my husband's mother, I didn't feel so much worse about it than he does.
People get a bad impression of it [the English climate] by continually trying to treat it as if it was a bank clerk, who ought to be on time on Tuesday next, instead of philosophically seeing it as a painter, who may do anything so long as you don't try to predict what.
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