Only where children gather is there any real chance of fun.
If your children spend most of their time in other people's houses, you're lucky; if they all congregate at your house, you're blessed.
Your children tell you casually years later what it would have killed you with worry to know at the time.
A parent who has never apologized to his children is a monster. If he's always apologizing, his children are monsters.
Children lack morality, but they also lack fake morality.
The ideal home: big enough for you to hear the children, but not very well.
Likely as not, the child you can do the least with will do the most to make you proud.
Your children vividly remember every unkind thing you ever did to them, plus a few you really didn't.
Most of us become parents long before we have stopped being children.
Women gather together to wear silly hats, eat dainty food, and forget how unresponsive their husbands are. Men gather to talk sports, eat heavy food, and forget how demanding their wives are. Only where children gather is there any real chance of fun.
Hot dogs always seem better out than at home; so do French-fried potatoes; so do your children.
Every American child should grow up knowing a second language, preferably English.
There's only one person who needs a glass of water oftener than a small child tucked in for the night, and that's a writer sitting down to write.
If you see in your children most of your own faults, you have failed as a parent, but succeeded as a neurotic.
It must infuriate our children to see us always so much more forbearing with everybody else's.
When their children fail to charm others, few parents can stay neutral.
It's easy enough to get along with a loved and loving child - at least till you try to get him to do something.
Says the rude child: "No, I won't do it." Says the courteous grown-up: "Yes, I won't do it.
Even in the same family, one child will always instinctively know when to ask for things, and another won't.
There are children born to be children, and others who must mark time till they can take their natural places as adults.
No matter how many Christmas presents you give your child, there's always that terrible moment when he's opened the very last one. That's when he expects you to say, 'Oh yes, I almost forgot,' and take him out and show him the pony.
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