Jerry Seinfeld Quotes - Page 5

Quotes about:

• See, you know how to take the reservation, you just don't know how to hold the reservation and that's really the most important part of the reservation, the holding. Anybody can just take them.

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Important, Reservations, Know How

  "Customer Service Suffers on Black Friday". "Day to Day" with Madeleine Brand, www.npr.org. November 23, 2007.

  6 Copy quote

• Have you ever noticed how they keep improving your laundry detergent, but they still can't get those blue flakes out? Why do we trust them to get our clothes clean? These guys can't even get the DETERGENT white!

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Blue, White, Clothes

  12 Copy quote

• The Beatles created something that never trailed off. What a gift that was to their fans. If you're into the Beatles, you loved them from beginning to end.

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Fans, Ends, Ifs

  4 Copy quote

• That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Funny, Christmas, People

  12 Copy quote

• All I ever wanted to do is make people laugh.

  Jerry Seinfeld

  People, Laughing, Making People Laugh

  9 Copy quote

• I can't eat chicken and look at strippers at the same time.

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Looks, Chickens, I Can

  "Nothing Really Matters". Interview with Joe La Puma, www.complex.com. December 2014 /January 2015.

  6 Copy quote

• There's nothing more fun than entertaining kids.

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Fun, Kids, Entertaining

  "Jerry Seinfeld on Bee Movie". Roundtable conversation, editorial.rottentomatoes.com. October 30, 2007.

  4 Copy quote

• Everybody in New York City knows there's way more cars than parking spaces. You see cars driving in New York all hours of the night. Its like musical chairs except everybody sat down around 1964.

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Funny, New York, Humorous

  8 Copy quote

• We want to do a lot of stuff; we're not in great shape, we didn't get a good night's sleep, we're a little depressed. Coffee solves all these problems in one delightful little cup.

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Good Night, Coffee, Sleep

  "So Jerry Seinfeld Called Us To Talk About Coffee". "Morning Edition" with Steve Inskeep, www.npr.org. April 26, 2013.

  12 Copy quote

• Let's face it, the human body is like a condominium apartment. The thing that keeps you really enjoying it is the maintenance. There's a tremendous amount of daily, weekly, monthly and yearly work that has to be done. From showering to open heart surgery, we're always doing something to ourselves. If your body was a used car, you wouldn't buy it.

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Heart, Car, Faces

  5 Copy quote

• Why does McDonald's have to count every burger that they sell? What is their ultimate goal? Do they want cows to surrender voluntarily?

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Mcdonalds, Goal, Want

  4 Copy quote

• I hate the waiting room. Because it's called the waiting room, there's no chance of not waiting. It's built, designed, and intended for waiting. Why would they take you right away when they've got this room all set up?

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Hate, Waiting Rooms, Chance

  5 Copy quote

• Comedy is just complaining in an entertaining way, Enterplaining.

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Complaining, Way, Comedy

  Twitter post from Aug 06, 2011

  8 Copy quote

• Having fun is a very particular skill. And not everyone has that skill.

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Fun, Skills, Having Fun

  4 Copy quote

• You know what I never get with the limo? The tinted windows. Is that so people don't see you? Yeah, what a better way not to have people notice you than taking a thirty foot Cadillac with a TV antenna and a uniformed driver. How discreet. Nobody cares who's in the limo. You see a limo go by, you know it's either some rich jerk or fifty prom kids with $1.75 each.

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Kids, Feet, People

  9 Copy quote

• Then, finally, the third year, begging the parents, I got the Superman Halloween costume. Cardboard box, self-made top, mask included. Remember the rubber band on the back of that mask? That was a quality item there, wasn't it? That was good for about 10 seconds before it snapped out of that cheap little staple they put it in there with.

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Halloween, Self, Years

  7 Copy quote

• Why is commitment such a big problem for a man? I think that for some reason when a man is driving down that freeway of love, the woman he's with is like an exit, but he doesn't want to get off there. He wants to keep driving. And the woman is like, "Look, gas, food, lodging, that's our exit, that's everything we need to be happy... Get off here, now!" But the man is focusing on the sign underneath that says, "Next exit 27 miles," and he thinks, "I can make it."

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Funny Love, Commitment, Thinking

  9 Copy quote

• Boy, I miss the days they made toys that could kill a kid.

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Kids, Boys, Missing

  "Fictional character: Jerry Seinfeld". 'Seinfeld' ('The Seven'), Season 7, Episode 13, February 01, 1996.

  6 Copy quote

• Elaine: Ugh, I hate people. Jerry: Yeah, they're the worst.

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Hate, People, Ugh

  12 Copy quote

• With any kind of physical test, I don't know what it is, I always seem to get competitive. Remember when you were in school and they'd do those hearing tests? And you'd really be listening hard, you know? I wanted to do unbelievable on the hearing test. I wanted them to come over to me after and go, 'We think you may have something close to super-hearing. What you heard was a cotton ball touching a piece of felt. We're sending the results to Washington, we'd like you to meet the President.'

  Jerry Seinfeld

  School, Thinking, Touching

  4 Copy quote

• I'll tell you what I like about Chinese people: they're hanging in there with the chop sticks, aren't they? You know they've seen the fork. They're staying with the sticks.

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Funny, People, Chinese

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• They seal the subway change-booth guy up inside this thing with bullet-proof glass, closed in on all sides, it's like some kind of Houdini torture tank of doom. How do you breathe in there? It looks like if you put your hand over the change slot, you could suffocate him in thirty seconds.

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Funny, Glasses, Hands

  4 Copy quote

• One day I was watching these construction workers go back to work. I was watching them kind of trudging down the street. It was like a revelation to me. I realized these guys don’t want to go back to work after lunch. But they’re going. That’s their job. If they can exhibit that level of dedication for that job I should be able to do the same. Trudge your ass in.

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Jobs, Dedication, Construction Workers

  8 Copy quote

• There's no downside to fame and people who whine about it make me sick. It's the greatest thing in the world.

  Jerry Seinfeld

  People, Sick, World

  4 Copy quote

• Maybe if we lie down our brains will work.

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Lying, Brain, Ifs

  6 Copy quote

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