Dennis Miller Quotes

Quotes about:

• There is a chalk outline slowly being drawn around common sense and most people can't identify the victim.

  Dennis Miller

  Fear, People, Common Sense

  43 Copy quote

• It's foolish to be prejudiced. There are so many reasons to hate people on an individual basis.

  Dennis Miller

  Hate, People, Reason

  38 Copy quote

• Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese.

  Dennis Miller

  Lying, Cheesy, Washington Dc

  "America's Cheesiest Ex-Cop". Interview with Elena Ferretti, www.foxnews.com. July 26, 2010.

  56 Copy quote

• Maybe democrats will eventually turn on Obamacare when they realize you might need a photo I.D. to participate in the program.

  Dennis Miller

  Obamacare, Needs, Politics

  FaceBook post by Dennis Miller from Sep 25, 2013

  53 Copy quote

• And quit bringing up our forefathers and saying they were civil libertarians. Our founding fathers would have never tolerated any of this crap. For God's sake, they were blowing peoples' heads off because they put a tax on their breakfast beverage. And it wasn't even coffee.

  Dennis Miller

  Father, Coffee, Breakfast

  42 Copy quote

• You know there is a problem with the education system when you realize that out of the 3 R's only one begins with an R.

  Dennis Miller

  Educational, Comedy, Problem

  24 Copy quote

• The left promises abortion rights and cradle to the grave protection, so the trick is to make it to the cradle.

  Dennis Miller

  Rights, Abortion, Promise

  7 Copy quote

• Liberals always feel your pain. Unless of course, they caused it.

  Dennis Miller

  Pain, Feels, Courses

  34 Copy quote

• Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they're the ones who can sign you into the nursing home.

  Dennis Miller

  Inspirational, Children, Home

  8 Copy quote

• It takes zero politically correct people to screw in a lightbulb because they are perpetually in the dark.

  Dennis Miller

  Zero, Dark, People

  25 Copy quote

• Yeah, this country's founding fathers are a bunch of dead rich white men, but they did set things up so you could come and sit at the table, so don't piss in the finger bowls, all right? Thank you. In return for unfettered economic opportunity and no government death squads, try to get along with your new stepmotherland, and don't be resentful if there's a set of house rules already in place.

  Dennis Miller

  Country, Father, Opportunity

  Dennis Miller (2011). “Ranting Again”, p.31, Main Street Books

  26 Copy quote

• You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven.

  Dennis Miller

  Funny, Humor, Use

  Dennis Miller (2011). “Ranting Again”, p.83, Main Street Books

  55 Copy quote

• My fear of flying starts as soon as I buckle myself in and then the guy up front mumbles a few unintelligible words then before I know it I'm thrust into the back of my seat by acceleration that seems way too fast and the rest of the trip is an endless nightmare of turbulence, of near misses. And then the cabbie drops me off at the airport.

  Dennis Miller

  Inspirational, Funny, Travel

  23 Copy quote

• I think we have to help the helpless. The clueless? I don't give a rat's ass about the clueless.

  Dennis Miller

  Clueless, Thinking, Giving

  7 Copy quote

• American's could be any more self absorbed if they were made of equal parts water and paper towel.

  Dennis Miller

  Self, Water, Paper Towels

  24 Copy quote

• Xenophobia doesn't benefit anybody unless you're playing high-stakes Scrabble.

  Dennis Miller

  Xenophobia, Tolerance, Scrabble

  Dennis Miller (2011). “Ranting Again”, p.30, Main Street Books

  54 Copy quote

• The world is so ass-backwards it almost makes you wish you were dyslexic.

  Dennis Miller

  Wish, World, Ass

  "Dennis Miller: The Raw Feed". Documentary, Comedy, www.imdb.com. April 12, 2003.

  22 Copy quote

• A good rule of thumb is if you've made it to 35 and your job still requires you wear a nametag, you've probably made a serious vocational error.

  Dennis Miller

  Jobs, Funny Work, Errors

  11 Copy quote

• A developer is someone who wants to build a house in the woods. An environmentalist is someone who already has a house in the woods.

  Dennis Miller

  House, Want, Woods

  Dennis Miller (2010). “Rants”, p.127, Main Street Books

  7 Copy quote

• They have an amazing proliferation of TV channels now: The all-cartoon channel, the 24-hour-science fiction channel. Of course, to make room for these they got rid of the Literacy Channel and the What's Left of Civilization Channel.

  Dennis Miller

  Civilization, Cartoon, Fiction

  24 Copy quote

• A recent police study found that you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run.

  Dennis Miller

  Funny, Running, Humor

  26 Copy quote

• Other than the bombs they strap to their chests, Ive got no idea what makes the Palestinians tick.

  Dennis Miller

  Ideas, Bombs, Tick

  23 Copy quote

• He lasted about as long as the dessert tray at Rosie O'Donnell's house.

  Dennis Miller

  Football, Long, House

  8 Copy quote

• The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse.

  Dennis Miller

  Jobs, Work, People

  56 Copy quote

• A third myth is that men think that women like guys who are dangerous. As a result, guys will often smoke cigarettes, drink too much, and ride a motorcycle without a helmet. The reality? Women don't like guys who are dangerous. Women want us to think that because women are trying to kill us.

  Dennis Miller

  Reality, Men, Thinking

  27 Copy quote

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