Dennis Miller Quotes About Football

Quotes about: Football

• Big deal, so he scored. The last time I saw someone dance like that I had to pay her $20 and have my pants dry cleaned the next day.

  Dennis Miller

  Football, Next Day, Dry

• Somebody call Janet Reno - I think I just saw Donato dragging Doug Flutie into a locker room closet!

  Dennis Miller

  Football, Thinking, Lockers

• He lasted about as long as the dessert tray at Rosie O'Donnell's house.

  Dennis Miller

  Football, Long, House

• Nervous? He's tighter than Pat Buchanan's sphincter muscle at a 4th of July soiree on Fire Island.

  Dennis Miller

  Football, 4th Of July, Fire

• Of *course* he needs to renegotiate his salary - the guy buys more snow than Seward did when he bought Alaska from the Russians.

  Dennis Miller

  Football, Alaska, Snow

• The Cowboy's defense has more holes in it than Ronny Milsapp and Jose Feliciano after a game of lawn darts.

  Dennis Miller

  Football, Cowboy, Games

• Is it just me, or are the 49ers doing an awful lot of ass-patting today?

  Dennis Miller

  Football, Awful, Today

• Ouch! And Marino goes down quicker than his Boonesfarm-infused sister in the back of my '68 Cutlass on our first date after watching 'Love Story' at the drive-in.

  Dennis Miller

  Football, Stories, Ouch

• That receiver was as wide open as Annabel Chong.

  Dennis Miller

  Football, Receiver, Wide

• That field goal attempt was so far to the left it nearly decapitated Lyndon LaRouche.

  Dennis Miller

  Football, Goal, Fields

• Hey Deion, Bubbelah - maybe you'd better pay a little less attention to those unfairly Draconian salary caps that only allowed you to acquire four of the five remaining 1932 Aston Martins still in road-worthy condition after you'd paid for life's little necessities like hookers and weed, get your medulla oblongata out of your duodenum for a few milliseconds, and make a tackle or two, okay, Babe?

  Dennis Miller

  Football, Weed, Two

• Warner had more hands in his face than an OB-GYN delivering Vishnu's triplets!

  Dennis Miller

  Football, Hands, Faces

• I haven't seen anyone rely on the ground game this much since the battle of Verdun.

  Dennis Miller

  Football, Games, Battle

• The punt returner got smacked like Nancy Kerrigan's knee on souvenir pipe night.

  Dennis Miller

  Football, Night, Knees

• Their offense is shakier than Katherine Hepburn after an all-night espresso bender at Starbucks.

  Dennis Miller

  Football, Night, Espresso

• With Browns' ticket prices what they are, you just know that all those dads who brought the entire family to sit in the 'dog pound' are secretly calculating how much blood they're going to have to sell next week to put groceries on the table.

  Dennis Miller

  Football, Dog, Dad

• I haven't seen someone so overmatched since Mike Tyson tried to recite the alphabet.

  Dennis Miller

  Football, Alphabet, Tyson

• When the hell is Warren Moon going to retire? I mean, this guy is older than the cuneiform in Nebuchadnezzar's tomb.

  Dennis Miller

  Football, Mean, Moon

• The quarterback's spending so much time behind the center that he may jeopardize his right to lead a Boy Scout troop.

  Dennis Miller

  Football, Boys, May

• That secondary provides worse coverage than a Guatemalan HMO.

  Dennis Miller

  Football, Coverage

• Check out the helmet hair on Randy Moss, babe! He looks like some freakish anti-Mr. T after a long evening sleeping through 'Aida.'

  Dennis Miller

  Football, Sleep, Hair

• Ray Lewis knifed through those offensive linemen like a sucker-punch switchblade slicing between the ribs of some inebriated trash-talking punk outside a sports bar.

  Dennis Miller

  Sports, Football, Talking

• Hey, Cunningham - Andy Warhol called. You're at 14:55 and we're tickin' big-time here, Chachi.

  Dennis Miller

  Football, Hey, Cunninghams

• That punt was higher than Marion Berry on a fact-finding tour of Cartagena.

  Dennis Miller

  Football, Berries, Facts

• I've seen better coverage at an Alan Keyes press conference.

  Dennis Miller

  Football, Conferences, Coverage

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