Toilets Quotes - Page 4

• The word crap is actually another word that's very, very old. It was taken over from 17th century England by the pilgrim fathers and Americans were talking about things being crap in the 17th and 18th centuries. What Sir Thomas Crapper – complete coincidence – does is not invent the flushing toilet, as many, many people believe, but was a great promoter for it. He ran a business marketing other people's products and that's why his name was on them. When the American soldiers came over in the First World War, they all thought it was hilarious that it said 'crapper' on them.

  Lucy Worsley

  Father, War, Believe

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• Almost 4.25 lakh toilets were built in 2.62 schools nationwide in one year; this gives self-confidence that we can do what we want.

  Narendra Modi

  School, Self Confidence, Years

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• Cleanliness and sanitation were closest to Gandhiji's heart. We will launch a 'Clean India' campaign and by Gandhiji's 150th birth anniversary, all schools in the country should have toilets with separate toilets for girls.

  Narendra Modi

  Girl, Country, Heart

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• The [sexual harassment] situation has gotten so out of hand that, in 1993, in one of the first British cases, a plumber was fired for continuing to use the traditional term "ballcock" for the toilet flotation unit, instead of the new politically correct term, sanitized of sexual suggestiveness. This is insane. We are back to the Victorian era, when table legs had to be draped lest they put the thought of ladies' legs into someone's dirty mind.

  Camille Paglia

  Dirty, Hands, Mind

  "No Law in the Arena: A Pagan Theory of Sexuality". Camille Paglia, Vamps and Tramps, 1994.

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• It took me over a couple of months to find the right piece of transparent paper for a section near the centre, on the right side of the Garden of Nebuchadnezzar. When I did find it, it was on a bottle of my wife's toilet water.

  Harold Town

  Couple, Garden, Water

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• Admittedly, I do have several bones... whole war fields full of bones, in fact... to pick with organised religion of whatever stripe. This should be seen as a critique of purely temporal agencies who have, to my mind, erected more obstacles between whatever notion of spirituality and Godhead one subscribes to than they have opened doors. To me, the difference between Godhead and the Church is the difference between Elvis and Colonel Parker... although that conjures images of God dying on the toilet, which is not what I meant at all.

  Alan Moore

  War, Doors, Differences

  "Correspondence: From Hell". Alan Moore and Dave Sim, "Cerebus" #220 (comic book series by Dave Sim), July 1, 1997.

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• I am preparing myself for death. When I go to sleep, I try to keep myself smiling. So that when I die, I have a smile on my lips. I want an electric cremation. I don't want any poems or fuss after that. And for heaven's sake, don't bring back my ashes. Flush them down the toilet if the crematorium refuses to keep them. If they tell you that I am dead, I want you to give a big laugh.

  Zohra Sehgal

  Sleep, Giving, Laughing

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• I'm probably more famous for sitting on the toilet than for anything else that I do.

  Frank Zappa

  Sitting

  Interview on Nationwide, July 1, 1983.

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• It's probably not love if you don't press your face to the toilet seat after they've used it to feel their warmth.

  Rob Delaney

  Love, Relationship, Laughing

  Twitter post from Oct 4, 2013

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• The film studios learned to our dismay but to their pleasure that if they spent $200 million making a film they could make half a billion on it. So they were not interested anymore in quality films... They can't afford to be that risky at those prices. Consequently you're getting a lot of remakes, sequels, dopey comedies full of toilet jokes...

  Woody Allen

  Quality, Half, Comedy

  "Woody Allen on Film Funding + Thoughts on Change". BBC Interview, www.youtube.com. 2011.

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• Don't get married in a house where there is no toilet.

  Jairam Ramesh

  House, Married

  "Indian sanitation minister tells young women not to get married into families who don't own toilets" By Amy Silverstein, www.huffingtonpost.com. October 22, 2012.

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• Since the invention of the flush toilet and the vacuum carpet cleaner, the modern man seems to judge a man's moral standards by his cleanliness, and thinks a dog the more highly civilized for having a weekly bath and a winter wrapper round his belly.

  Lin Yutang

  Dog, Winter, Men

  Yutang Lin (1939). “My country and my people”

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• Right now I'm scoring goals and I'm the king of the world. And a couple weeks ago I was almost in the toilet. So maybe you just forget to flush me.

  Alexander Ovechkin

  Kings, Couple, Hockey

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• There is no knowing beyond that membrane, the meniscus of death. What can be seen from here is distorted, refracted. All we can know are those untrustworthy glimpses--that and rumour. The prattle. The dead gossip: it is the reverberation of that gossip against the surface tension of death that the better mediums hear. It is like listening to whispered secrets through a toilet door. It is a crude and muffled susurrus.

  China Mieville

  Death, Knowing, Doors

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• When my kids were younger, I used to avoid them. I used to sit on the toilet 'til my legs fell asleep. You want to know why your father spends so long in the toilet? Because he's not sure he wants to be a father.

  Louis C. K.

  Fathers Day, Kids, Long

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• People say there's delays on flights. Delays, really? New York to California in five hours, that used to take 30 years, a bunch of people used to die on the way there, have a baby, you would end up with a whole different group of people by the time you got there. Now you watch a movie and [go to the toilet] and you're home.

  Louis C. K.

  Inspirational, Funny, Baby

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• When you're a father in a marriage, you sort of become the mother's assistant, and you sort of get a list from her every day, and you do, you know, you run down the list, and it feels very much like a chore. And a lot of fathers live in kind of an avoidance. They sit on the toilet for several hours a day... Oh, honey, it took me 40 minutes to go to the post office... But once you become a dad without the mom there, you have to take it all on, and you sort of activate male skills that you didn't know you could apply to fatherhood.

  Louis C. K.

  Mother, Running, Dad

  "Comedian Louis C.K.: Finding Laughs Post-Divorce". "Fresh Air" with Terry Gross, www.npr.org. July 7, 2010.

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• Can't nobody [mess] with me. I'm like toilet paper, Pampers and toothpaste. I'm definitely proven to be effective.

  Shaquille O'Neal

  Basketball, Paper, Toothpaste

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• Some jobs are worse than actual wives. Ad agency vs. Matrimony, for instance: Even the most capricious and demanding spouse is not going to divorce you for refusing to spend forty hours a week making up lies about toilet paper.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Jobs, Lying, Humorous

  P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “The Bachelor Home Companion: A Practical Guide to Keeping House Like a Pig”, p.42, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

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• A cat is the only domestic animal I know who toilet trains itself and does a damned impressive job of it.

  Joseph Epstein

  Jobs, Cat, Animal

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• I was swinging like a toilet door on a prawn trawler.

  David Feherty

  Golf, Doors, Prawns

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• I don't know if he needs a tic tac or toilet paper.

  Jerry Lawler

  Wwe, Tic Tacs, Needs

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• How can you put on a meaningful drama when every fifteen minutes proceedings are interrupted by twelve dancing rabbits with toilet paper?

  Rod Serling

  Meaningful, Drama, Dancing

  "American Masters (Rod Serling: Submitted for Your Approval)". TV Series, November 29, 1995.

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• I'd grown up thinking that a [sanitary toilet] was my right, when in fact it's a privilege - 2.5 billion people worldwide have no adequate toilet.

  Rose George

  Thinking, People, Privilege

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• Did you ever notice that America is shaped like one big, giant toilet bowl?

  Bret Hart

  Wwe, America, Giants

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