Sarcastic Quotes - Page 3

• Martyrdom covers a multitude of sins.

  Mark Twain

  Funny, Inspiration, Cynical

  Mark Twain (2012). “Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations”, p.257, Courier Corporation

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• He has no enemies, but he is intensely disliked by his friends.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Friendship, Witty

  "The Works of Oscar Wilde".

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• A good listener is usually thinking about something else.

  Kin Hubbard

  Sarcasm, Thinking, Silence

  34 Copy quote

• Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.

  Ashleigh Brilliant

  Life, Wisdom, Witty

  49 Copy quote

• Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

  Mark Twain

  Inspirational, Funny, Witty

  Quoted in More Maxims of Mark, ed. Merle Johnson (1927)

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• Women's intuition is the result of millions of years of not thinking.

  Rupert Hughes

  Women, Thinking, Years

  "Personal Quotes/ Biography". www.imdb.com.

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• We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.

  Vince Lombardi

  Sports, Football, Sarcasm

  90 Copy quote
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  A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

  Bob Hope

  Funny, Hilarious, Witty

  Quoted in Alan Harrington, Life in the Crystal Palace (1959).

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• Fine words! I wonder where you stole them.

  Jonathan Swift

  Fine Words, Wonder, Plagiarism

  'Whitshed's Motto on his Coach' (1724) (Libertas... Freedom and the land of my birth)

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• A fool and his money are soon elected.

  Will Rogers

  Funny, Money, Stupid People

  79 Copy quote

• He has the attention span of a lightning bolt.

  Robert Redford

  Personality, Lightning, Attention

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• Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody, and they meet at the bar.

  Drew Carey

  Funny, Jobs, Hate

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• Some people approach every problem with an open mouth.

  Adlai E. Stevenson

  Inspirational, Sarcasm, People

  "The Wordsworth Dictionary of Quotations". Book by Connie Robertson, 1996.

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• If you love someone set them free. If they come back, set them on fire.

  George Carlin

  Sarcasm, Fire, If You Love Someone

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• A brain of feathers, and a heart of lead.

  Alexander Pope

  Heart, Brain, Feathers

  'The Dunciad' (1742) bk. 2, l. 44

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  I have never killed any one, but I have read some obituary notices with great satisfaction.

  Clarence Darrow

  Life, Death, Witty

  "The Story of My Life". Book by Clarence Darrow, 1932.

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• I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

  A. Whitney Brown

  Funny, Hate, Humorous

  46 Copy quote

• Why are we honoring this man? Have we run out of human beings?

  Milton Berle

  Running, Men, Humans

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• A gentleman is one who never hurts anyone's feelings unintentionally.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Witty, Hurt

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• He is as good as his word - and his word is no good.

  Seumas MacManus

  Seumas MacManus (1950). “Heavy Hangs the Golden Grain”

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• Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

  George Carlin

  Funny, Witty, Humorous

  240 Copy quote

• He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.

  George Bernard Shaw

  Thinking, Careers, Political

  Major Barbara (1907) act 3

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• A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's: She changes it more often.

  Oliver Herford

  Funny, Laughter, Men

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• The fact that a man is a newspaper reporter is evidence of some flaw of character.

  Lyndon B. Johnson

  Character, Men, Presidential

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• Little things affect little minds.

  Benjamin Disraeli

  Work, Teaching, Two Nations

  1845 Sybil, bk.3, ch.2.

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