Sarcasm Quotes - Page 15

• The poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese.

  Gilbert K. Chesterton

  Funny, Food, Poetry

  "Alarms And Discursions". Book by Gilbert K. Chesterton, 1910.

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• Detection is, or ought to be, an exact science, and should be treated in the same cold and unemotional manner. You have attempted to tinge it with romanticism, which produces much the same effect as if you worked a love-story or an elopement into the fifth proposition of Euclid.

  Arthur Conan Doyle

  Humorous, Science, Stories

  The Sign of the Four ch. 1 (1890)

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• A fine horse or a beautiful woman, I cannot look at them unmoved, even now when seventy winters have chilled my blood.

  Arthur Conan Doyle

  Beautiful, Horse, Humorous

  Stephen Crane, Ambrose Bierce, Rudyard Kipling, Philip K. Dick, Jules Verne (2011). “The Military MEGAPACK ®: 25 Great Tales of War”, p.295, Wildside Press LLC

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• My uncle, Mr. Stephen Maple, had been at the same time the most successful and the least respectable of our family, so that we hardly knew whether to take credit for his wealth or to feel ashamed of his position.

  Arthur Conan Doyle

  Uncles, Humorous, Successful

  Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (2013). “Delphi Complete Works of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (Illustrated)”, p.6226, Delphi Classics

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• I am engaged in answering that Italian buffoon, Mazotti, whose views upon the larval development of the tropical termites have excited my derision and contempt . . .

  Arthur Conan Doyle

  Humorous, Italian, Views

  Arthur Conan Doyle (2013). “Professor Challenger II”, p.215, Lulu.com

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• "I have seen those symptoms before," said Holmes, throwing his cigarette into the fire. "Oscillation upon the pavement always means an affaire de coeur."

  Arthur Conan Doyle

  Humorous, Mean, Fire

  Arthur Conan Doyle (2013). “The Complete Sherlock Holmes”, p.195, Race Point Publishing

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• My two souls, the socially conscious one and the lighthearted one, are always in my movies because they find a perfect habitat in my grotesque style, which combines tragedy and humor, irony and sarcasm, comedy and drama. I also feel that rules are made to be broken, especially in art! I prefer creative disorder to strict rules.

  Lina Wertmuller

  Art, Drama, Broken

  Source: www.interviewmagazine.com

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• If you're choking in a restaurant you can just say the magic words, 'Heimlich maneuver,' and all will be well. Trouble is, it's difficult to say 'Heimlich maneuver' when you're choking to death.

  Eddie Izzard

  Sarcastic, Magic, Trouble

  "Eddie Izzard: Dress to Kill". www.imdb.com. 1999.

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• The National Rifle Association says, 'Guns don't kill people. People do'. But I think the gun helps.

  Eddie Izzard

  Sarcastic, Gun, Thinking

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• I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.

  A. J. Liebling

  Witty, Powerful, Humorous

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• One dumb-bell, Watson! Consider an athlete with one dumb-bell. Picture to yourself the unilateral development - the imminent danger of a spinal curvature. Shocking, Watson, shocking!

  Arthur Conan Doyle

  Humorous, Athlete, Dumb

  Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (2015). “Sherlock Holmes: The Novels: (Penguin Classics Deluxe Edition)”, p.303, Penguin

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• Exactly. She does not shine as a wife even in her own account of what occurred. I am not a whole-souled admirer of womankind, as you are aware, Watson, but my experience of life has taught me that there are few wives having any regard for their husbands who would let any man's spoken word stand between them and that husband's dead body. Should I ever marry, Watson, I should hope to inspire my wife with some feeling which would prevent her from being walked off by a housekeeper when my corpse was lying within a few yards of her.

  Arthur Conan Doyle

  Husband, Lying, Humorous

  Arthur Conan Doyle, General Press (2016). “The Complete Sherlock Holmes: All 56 Stories & 4 Novels”, p.1192, GENERAL PRESS

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• I can do only one thing at a time, but I can avoid doing many things simultaneously.

  Ashleigh Brilliant

  Sarcastic, Can Do, One Thing At A Time

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• Well, I'm a bacteriologist, you know. I live in a nine-hundred-diameter microscope. I can hardly claim to take serious notice of anything that I can see with my naked eye.

  Arthur Conan Doyle

  Humorous, Eye, Naked

  Arthur Conan Doyle (2015). “The Lost World: Professor Challenger #1”, p.13, Zillmann Publishing

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• If you love someone set them free. If they come back, set them on fire.

  George Carlin

  Sarcastic, Fire, If You Love Someone

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• There's a good sarcasm and a camaraderie that comes after being in a band. And we've known each other forever. We've never been a band that fought or argued. As a songwriter, I'm really happy that the boys support me and contribute and that, but I've always wanted to be under the band Stereophonics.

  Kelly Jones

  Boys, Support, Forever

  Source: time.com

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• Whom the gods wish to destroy they first call promising.

  Cyril Connolly

  Sarcastic, Intelligence, Promise

  Enemies of Promise ch. 13 (1938)

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• As you get older, the pickings get slimmer, but the people don't.

  Carrie Fisher

  Funny, People, Old Age

  Carrie Fisher (2012). “Shockaholic”, p.26, Simon and Schuster

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• Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.

  Friedrich Nietzsche

  Inspirational, Dog, Witty

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• Bureaucracy defends the status quo long past the time when the quo has lost its status.

  Laurence J. Peter

  Sarcastic, Time, Past

  1978 In the San Francisco Chronicle, 29 Jan.

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• What the country needs is dirtier fingernails and cleaner minds.

  Will Rogers

  Funny, Country, Cowboy

  "Creative Leadership: Mining the Gold in Your Workforce". Book by A. S. Migs Damiani, p. 168, 1998.

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• I don't like food that's too carefully arranged; it makes me think that the chef is spending too much time arranging and not enough time cooking. If I wanted a picture I'd buy a painting.

  Andy Rooney

  Sarcastic, Food, Thinking

  "Eating Out With Andy Rooney; With Every Course, an Opinion" by Bryan Miller, www.nytimes.com. October 04, 1989.

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• When those waiters ask me if I want some fresh ground pepper, I ask if they have any aged pepper.

  Andy Rooney

  Sarcastic, Peppers, Want

  "Eating Out With Andy Rooney; With Every Course, an Opinion" by Bryan Miller, www.nytimes.com. October 04, 1989.

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• I don't mind what language an opera is sung in so long as it is the language I don't understand.

  Edward Victor Appleton

  Funny, Music, Sarcastic

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• There should be a rule against your own inner monologue throwing around that much sarcasm.

  Jim Butcher

  Should, Throwing, Monologues

  Jim Butcher (2011). “Ghost Story: A Novel of the Dresden Files”, p.237, Penguin

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