Paper Quotes - Page 28

• I am a veteran of the War on Christmas. I am just emerging from a battlefield strewn with dead trees and torn shreds of brightly colored wrapping paper.

  Henry Rollins

  War, Tree, Wrapping Paper

  24 Copy quote

• I think a lot of people overlook the importance of the menu as a marketing tool and a way of communicating to the customer what the ambition of their restaurant is. Not only the typeface and the design, but what is it printed on? Is it cheap-looking? Is it the right kind of paper for that restaurant?

  Joe Bastianich

  Ambition, Thinking, People

  4 Copy quote

• Look, it's very easy to sit here right now with some films in the bank that I like and think I have a shot and feel pretty cocky. But, you know, three years from now, I could very easily be saying, 'Paper or plastic?'

  George Clooney

  Cocky, Thinking, Years

  7 Copy quote

• I was never molested by any person but those who represented the State. I had no lock nor bolt but for the desk which held my papers, not even a nail to put over my latch or windows. I never fastened my door night or day, though I was to be absent several days; not even when the next fall I spent a fortnight in the woods of Maine. And yet my house was more respected than if it had been surrounded by a file of soldiers.

  Henry David Thoreau

  Fall, Night, Jail

  Henry David Thoreau (2013). “The Essential Thoreau”, p.104, Simon and Schuster

  4 Copy quote

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• Problems are like toilet paper. You pull on one and ten more come.

  Woody Allen

  Toilets, Problem, Ten

  36 Copy quote

• Child molestation is a touchy subject... Read the papers! Half the country's doing it!

  Woody Allen

  Country, Children, Half

  12 Copy quote

• [A 2005 response to doping allegations] Unfortunately, the witch hunt continues and tomorrow's article is nothing short of tabloid journalism. The paper even admits in its own article that the science in question here is faulty and that I have no way to defend myself. They state: 'There will therefore be no counter-exam nor regulatory prosecutions, in a strict sense, since defendant's rights cannot be respected.' I will simply restate what I have said many times: I have never taken performance enhancing drugs.

  Lance Armstrong

  Taken, Rights, Drug

  5 Copy quote

• Noah's wife, who said to him after 40 days and 40 nights, It's your turn to spread the papers on the floor! Never got a dinner!

  Red Buttons

  Night, Wife, Dinner

  14 Copy quote

• Ponce de Leon, who said when he discovered the Fountain of Youth, Where the hell are the paper cups? Never got a dinner!

  Red Buttons

  Dinner, Cups, Youth

  11 Copy quote

• I hear the headlines on the radio, see them on TV and read them in the paper. When I hear from the men out there, I sometimes don't believe they are talking about the same situation.

  Lyndon B. Johnson

  Believe, Men, Talking

  4 Copy quote

• Automatic paper towel dispensers are a solution to something that was never a problem in the first place.

  Demetri Martin

  Towels, Firsts, Problem

  14 Copy quote

• I still like paper books. Like, book is a flammable object. After you read it, you could use it to get warm. Or it could become a pile of napkins.

  Demetri Martin

  Book, Use, Napkins

  5 Copy quote

• Every new routine I have ever written and performed probably occurred extemporaneously. Then after you have fleshed it out and tried it out in front of a number of audiences and it works, you put it down on paper.

  Bob Newhart

  Numbers, Routine, Audience

  4 Copy quote

• Your idea of bliss is to wake up on a Monday morning knowing you haven't a single engagement for the entire week. You are cradled in a white paper cocoon tied up with typewriter ribbon.

  Edna Ferber

  Monday, Morning, Typewriters

  Edna Ferber (1939). “A Peculiar Treasure”

  5 Copy quote

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• My sister gained 80 pounds expecting her baby. Well, you get nervous, waiting for those adoption papers to clear.

  Emo Philips

  Baby, Adoption, Waiting

  11 Copy quote

• I got a letter from the IRS. Apparently I owe them $800. So I sent them a letter back. I said, If you'll remember, I fastened my return with a paper clip, which according to your very own latest government pentagon spending figures will more than make up for the difference.

  Emo Philips

  Government, Differences, Irs

  4 Copy quote

• I believe that every paper in the country should have one headline that when you read it, you laugh so hard you can't stand it. It has to be that way. What about a headline like this: 'Hippo Eats Dwarf'? How good is that? You read that headline, and you immediately close the paper and say, 'Wow, it's gonna be a great day.

  Lewis Black

  Country, Believe, Dwarves

  9 Copy quote

• A piece of paper or a photograph is as much an object, or as 'material' as a ton of lead.

  Lucy R. Lippard

  Pieces, Photograph, Materials

  Lucy R. Lippard (1973). “Six Years: The Dematerialization of the Art Object from 1966 to 1972 ...”, p.5, Univ of California Press

  15 Copy quote

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• When everything that is called art was well and truly riddled with rheumatism, the photographer lit the thousands of candles whose power is contained in his flame, and the sensitive paper absorbed by degrees the blackness cut out of some ordinary object. He had invented a fresh and tender flash of lightning.

  Tristan Tzara

  Art, Cutting, Flames

  16 Copy quote

• In 1916, when Johnny Heartfield and I invented photomontage in my studio at the south end of the town at five o'clock one May morning, we had no idea of the immense possibilities, or of the thorny but successful career, that awaited the new invention. On a piece of cardboard we pasted a mishmash of advertisements for hernia belts, student song books and dog food, labels from schnaps and wine bottles, and photographs from picture papers, cut up at will in such a way as to say, in pictures, what would have been banned by the censors if we had said it in words.

  George Grosz

  Song, Dog, Morning

  17 Copy quote

• You know you're lazy when you run out of toilet paper and use the cardboard roll to wipe with.

  Dane Cook

  Running, Lazy, Use

  5 Copy quote

• George Burns, what a man. He read in the paper that it takes ten dollars a year to support a kid in India. So he sent his kids there.

  Red Buttons

  Kids, Men, Years

  16 Copy quote

• You might be a redneck if you've ever stolen toilet paper from a public restroom.

  Jeff Foxworthy

  Redneck, Toilets, Might

  9 Copy quote

• People are like, Hey, Jeff, lemme tell you... I'm like, Hold on, let me get a pen and a piece of paper.

  Jeff Foxworthy

  People, Hey, Pieces

  9 Copy quote

• Every time you open the paper now, there seems to be another celebrity getting arrest for masturbation. First, it was Peewee Herman and then George Michael. If masturbation's a crime, I should be on death row.

  Gilbert Gottfried

  Firsts, Crime, Masturbation

  24 Copy quote