Red Buttons Quotes

Quotes about:

• Alexander the Great, who said on his wedding night, It's only a nickname. Never got a dinner!

  Red Buttons

  Night, Nicknames, Dinner

  19 Copy quote

• Orville Wright said to his brother, "Wilbur, you were only in the air for 12 seconds. How could my luggage be in Cleveland?"

  Red Buttons

  Funny, Travel, Brother

  29 Copy quote

• Goliath's mother, who said to Goliath, Stop running around with David! You're always coming home stoned! Never got a dinner!

  Red Buttons

  Mother, Running, Home

  26 Copy quote

• George Washington, who said to his father, Dad, if I never tell I lie, how am I ever gonna become President? Never got a dinner!

  Red Buttons

  Dad, Father, Lying

  24 Copy quote

• Sure, I've gotten old. I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees... I've fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, and take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. I have bouts with dementia, poor circulation, hardly feel my hands or feet anymore, can't remember if I'm 85 or 92, but... thank God, I still have my Florida driver's license!

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  Cancer, Feet, Florida

  52 Copy quote

• King Solomon, who said to his thousand wives, Who doesn't have a headache tonight? Never got a dinner!

  Red Buttons

  Kings, Wife, Tonight

  29 Copy quote

• Moses, who said to the children of Israel, Wear your galoshes; I never did this trick before. Never got a dinner!

  Red Buttons

  Children, Israel, Dinner

  42 Copy quote

• Jack the Ripper's mother, who said to Jack, How come I never see you with the same girl twice? Never got a dinner!

  Red Buttons

  Girl, Mother, Dinner

  28 Copy quote

• Aladdin, who said to his wife, I know it's not a lamp, keep rubbing! Never got a dinner!

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  Wife, Lamps, Dinner

  34 Copy quote

• Eve said to the serpent, “You know I could go for a bite to eat, but I don't know you from Adam.”

  Red Buttons

  Adam, Said, Serpent

  13 Copy quote

• Adam, who said to Eve, What do you mean you have nothing to wear? Never got a dinner!

  Red Buttons

  Mean, Dinner, Adam

  15 Copy quote

• When people ask me if Dean Martin drank, let me put it this way. If Dracula bit Dean in the neck, he'd get a Bloody Mary.

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  People, Way, Necks

  83 Copy quote

• Noah's wife, who said to him after 40 days and 40 nights, It's your turn to spread the papers on the floor! Never got a dinner!

  Red Buttons

  Night, Wife, Paper

  14 Copy quote

• King Henry VIII, who said to his lawyer, Forget the alimony, I've got a better idea. Never got a dinner!

  Red Buttons

  Kings, Ideas, Dinner

  9 Copy quote

• Donald Trump's mother, who said, Donnie! Stop playing Monopoly and get in that barber's chair! Never got a dinner!

  Red Buttons

  Mother, Dinner, Chairs

  41 Copy quote

• Queen Elizabeth, who said, Not now, I'm on the throne. Never got a dinner!

  Red Buttons

  Queens, Thrones, Dinner

  19 Copy quote

• George Burns, what a man. He read in the paper that it takes ten dollars a year to support a kid in India. So he sent his kids there.

  Red Buttons

  Kids, Men, Years

  16 Copy quote

• Amelia Earhart, who said, Stop looking for me; see if you can find my luggage! Never got a dinner!

  Red Buttons

  Dinner, Amelia, Said

  37 Copy quote

• The captain of the Titanic, who said to room service, Who sent for all this ice? Never got a dinner!

  Red Buttons

  Ice, Dinner, Captains

  12 Copy quote

• Joe Torre, who switched to first base because he didn't want to go through life as Chicken Catcher Torre. Never got a dinner!

  Red Buttons

  Want, Dinner, Firsts

  17 Copy quote

• Maid Marion, who said to Robin Hood, I will not live in a house with a Little John. Never got a dinner!

  Red Buttons

  House, Robins, Maids

  12 Copy quote

• Uncle Remus, who said to Uncle Ben, You're a credit to your rice. Never got a dinner!

  Red Buttons

  Uncles, Credit, Dinner

  12 Copy quote

• George W. Bush, who said to Pope John Paul II, Give us a visit, and bring the missus. Never got a dinner!

  Red Buttons

  Giving, Dinner, John Paul Ii

  30 Copy quote

• Venus de Milo's mother, who once said to Venus, You never call me. Can't you pick up a phone? Never got a dinner!

  Red Buttons

  Mother, Venus De Milo, Phones

  15 Copy quote

• John Travolta, who said, My Saturday night fever was nothing compared to my Sunday morning rash. Never got a dinner!

  Red Buttons

  Morning, Sunday, Night

  15 Copy quote

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