Masturbation Quotes

• If God had intended us not to masturbate, He would have made our arms shorter.

  George Carlin

  Funny, Sexy, Arms

  48 Copy quote

• The only shame in masturbation is the shame of not doing it well.

  Sigmund Freud

  Shame, Wells

  254 Copy quote

• Masturbation is a meditation on self-love. So many of us are afflicted with self-loathing, bad body images, shame about our body functions, and confusion about sex and pleasure, I recommend an intense love affair with yourself

  Betty Dodson

  Sex, Self, Confusion

  22 Copy quote

• Physics is to mathematics what sex is to masturbation.

  Richard P. Feynman

  Sex, Math, Science

  "Fear of Physics: A Guide for the Perplexed". Book by Lawrence M. Krauss (p. 27), 1993.

  141 Copy quote

  Show source

• Masturbation is a democratic pleasure, practiced by rich and poor, young and old, married and single.

  Mason Cooley

  Married, Rich, Pleasure

  26 Copy quote

• If I want low-impact aerobics, I'll masturbate. If I want high-impact aerobics, I'll masturbate again.

  Dennis Miller

  Impact, Want, Lows

  6 Copy quote

• Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love.

  Woody Allen

  Movie, Sex, Humorous

  Annie Hall (motion picture) (1977). Cowritten with Marshall Brickman.

  31 Copy quote

  Show source

• We know that more than seventy to eighty percent of women masturbate, and ninety percent of men masturbate, and the rest lie.

  Joycelyn Elders

  Lying, Men, Ninety

  "'Penn&Teller: Bullshit' ('Abstinence')". Comedy, Documentary, June 05, 2006.

  52 Copy quote

  Show source

• Masturbation: the primary sexual activity of mankind. In the nineteenth century it was a disease; in the twentieth, it's a cure.

  Thomas Szasz

  Sex, Disease, Century

  The Second Sin (1973) "Sex"

  48 Copy quote

  Show source

• We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.

  Lily Tomlin

  Witty, Sex, Believe

  36 Copy quote

• I have masturbated myself out of serious problems in my life.

  John Mayer

  Serious, Problem

  "John Mayer apologises after using N-word in Playboy interview" by Rosie Swash, www.theguardian.com. February 11, 2010.

  30 Copy quote

  Show source

• Intercourse with a woman is sometimes a satisfactory substitute for masturbation. But it takes a lot of imagination to make it work.

  Karl Kraus

  Work, Imagination, Literature

  Die Fackel, 2 July 1907

  46 Copy quote

  Show source

• I'm stranded all alone in the gas station of love, and I have to use the self service pump.

  Al Yankovic

  Self, Gas Stations, Use

  10 Copy quote

• Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

  Woody Allen

  Love, Funny, Life

  415 Copy quote

• I think that there's nothing wrong with masturbation. If you're not feeling good about your own sexuality and your own body, you're not going to feel good about anything else.

  Hugh Hefner

  Thinking, Feel Good, Feelings

  "Media: Rabbit is Rich". Interview with Jonathan Roberts, www.interviewmagazine.com. December, 1985.

  24 Copy quote

  Show source

• Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm. I really hope no one misinterprets this quote as being about masturbation.

  Audrey Hepburn

  Hands, Needs, Arms

  16 Copy quote

• Women are denied masturbation even more severely than men and that's another method of control-they're not taught to please themselves.... Most women-it takes them a while to warm up to the "situation" but once they get into it, I'm sure they're going to get just as hooked as-well, everyone I know is!

  Lydia Lunch

  Men, Taught, Method

  18 Copy quote

• You don't have to have a man! Masturbation is especially useful for older women, because men die sooner than we do. And so: Use it or lose it. It's not critical that every woman wants to stay juiced up. But if they do, it's perfectly fine. It's a lot easier to feel sexy and perform safely when you're flexible and have a certain amount of strength left. If you keep moving - walking, staying strong, doing squats - then having sex is both safer and more pleasurable, and you feel more empowered and better about yourself.

  Jane Fonda

  Sexy, Stay Strong, Moving

  Source: www.washingtonpost.com

  5 Copy quote

  Show source

• Even if times are tough and you're enduring a terrible heartache, it's important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not another person.

  Chelsea Handler

  Heartache, Focus, Important

  Chelsea Handler (2005). “My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands”, p.52, Bloomsbury Publishing USA

  24 Copy quote

  Show source

• I think that at a certain age, say fifteen or sixteen, poetry is like masturbation. But later in life good poets burn their early poetry, and bad poets publish it. Thankfully I gave up rather quickly.

  Umberto Eco

  Good Life, Thinking, Later In Life

  "Umberto Eco, The Art of Fiction No. 197". Interview with Lila Azam Zanganeh, 2008.

  13 Copy quote

  Show source

• The good thing about masturbation is that you don't have to get dressed up for it.

  Truman Capote

  Witty, Sex, Good Things

  25 Copy quote

• I can imagine you touching my private parts. With just the thought of you I can't help, but touch myself.

  Toni Braxton

  Touching, Helping, Imagine

  Song: You're Makin Me High, Album: Secrets, 1996

  23 Copy quote

  Show source

• In masturbation there is nothing but loss.

  D. H. Lawrence

  Loss

  D. H. Lawrence, James T. Boulton (2004). “D. H. Lawrence: Late Essays and Articles”, p.245, Cambridge University Press

  14 Copy quote

  Show source

• I'm a promoter of masturbation. Don't sleep around...learn yourself first! Guys do it, but girls don't. They should.

  Taylor Momsen

  Girl, Sleep, Guy

  16 Copy quote

• Masturbation is not physically necessary. There is already a way by which the male system relieves excessive spermatic fluid quite regularly through the nocturnal emission or wet dream. Monthly menstrual flow expels the female's egg and cleanses the womb. For both sexes, physical or emotional tensions can be released by vigorous activity. Thus, in a biological sense, masturbation for either gender is not necessary. In a gospel sense, it is a sin: Masturbation, a rather common indiscretion, is not approved of the Lord...regardless of what may have been said by others whose 'norms' are lower.

  Spencer W. Kimball

  Dream, Sex, Emotional

  12 Copy quote