Funny Work Quotes - Page 2

• People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.

  Ogden Nash

  Funny, Sarcasm, People

  Ogden Nash (1941). “The face is familiar: the selected verse of Ogden Nash”, Garden City publishing company, inc

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• We don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.

  George Bernard Shaw

  Life, Motivational, Positive

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• Son, if you really want something in life, you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers.

  Matt Groening

  Funny, Life, Humor

  "Fictional character: Homer Simpson". "The Simpsons". Season 4, Episode 1: "Kamp Krusty", www.imdb.com. September 24, 1992.

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• The best way to enjoy your job is to imagine yourself without one.

  Oscar Wilde

  Inspirational, Appreciation, Jobs

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• Most of what we call management consists of making it difficult for people to get their work done.

  Peter Drucker

  Leadership, Wise, Funny Inspirational

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• It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.

  J. R. R. Tolkien

  Inspirational, Life, Motivational

  J.R.R. Tolkien (2012). “The Fellowship of the Ring: Being the First Part of The Lord of the Rings”, p.255, Houghton Mifflin Harcourt

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  By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.

  Robert Frost

  Funny, Motivational, Hilarious

  244 Copy quote

• I hold a little fundraiser every day. Its called going to work.

  Stephen Colbert

  Funny, Work, Littles

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• If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.

  Claude Maxwell MacDonald

  Success, Hard Work, Keys

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• Anyone who can walk to the welfare office can walk to work.

  Al Capp

  Work, Office, Charity

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• Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed be doing at that moment.

  Robert Benchley

  Funny, Work, Procrastination

  Quoted in The AlgonquinWits, ed. Robert E. Drennan (1968)

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• After you get a job and before you have to do it. Nothing beats that.

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Funny, Jobs, Work

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• Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.

  Milan Kundera

  Inspirational, Funny, Ambition

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• In the early days all I hoped was to make a living out of what I did best. But, since there's no real market for masturbation I had to fall back on my bass playing abilities.

  Les Claypool

  Funny, Hope, Crazy

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• It's a shame that the only thing a man can do for eight hours a day is work. He can't eat for eight hours; he can't drink for eight hours; he can't make love for eight hours. The only thing a man can do for eight hours is work.

  William Faulkner

  Funny, Work, Men

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• A guy gave me a job at an information booth - no questions asked.

  Jay London

  Jobs, Work, Laughing

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• I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.

  Les Dawson

  Funny, Life, Hilarious

  "Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Life, Birthday

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• The best computer is a man, and it’s the only one that can be mass-produced by unskilled labor.

  Wernher von Braun

  Technology, Men, Computer

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• There's no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn't tell you about it?

  Kin Hubbard

  Life, Success, Congratulations

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• It might be said that it is the ideal of the employer to have production without employees and the ideal of the employee is to have income without work.

  E. F. Schumacher

  Income, Might, Said

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• It's true hard work never killed anybody, but I figure, why take the chance?

  Ronald Reagan

  Funny, Hilarious, Work

  Ronald Reagan (2004). “Speaking My Mind: Selected Speeches”, p.420, Simon and Schuster

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• There's not a single job in this town. There's nothin', nada, zip. Unless you wanna workforty hours a week.

  Jeff Daniels

  Funny, Jobs, Work

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• Whenever I call a company and get put on hold, I never really feel like I'm being held.

  Randy Glasbergen

  Company, Feels

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• He worked like hell in the country so he could live in the city, where he worked like hell so he could live in the country.

  Don Marquis

  Country, Work, Cities

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