Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: 'Whose?'
An optimist is a guy that has never had much experience.
I once heard the survivors of a colony of ants that had been partially obliterated by a cow's foot seriously debating the intention of the gods towards their civilization.
The chief obstacle to the progress of the human race is the human race.
Happiness is the interval between periods of unhappiness.
Insects have their own point of view about civilization a man thinks he amounts to a great deal but to a flea or a mosquito a human being is merely something good to eat.
A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists.
Publishing a volume of verse is like dropping a rose petal down the Grand Canyon and waiting for the echo.
The trouble with the public is that there is too much of it; what we need in public is less quantity and more quality.
An optimist is the person who has never had any experience at all.
When you can't have anything else, you can have virtue.
We pay for the mistakes of our ancestors, and it seems only fair that they should leave us the money to pay with.
An idea isn't responsible for the people who believe in it.
Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.
If you want to get rich from writing, write the sort of thing that's read by persons who move their lips when they're reading to themselves.
I suppose the human race is doing the best it can but hells bells thats only an explanation its not an excuse.
Between the years of ninety-two and a hundred and two, however, we shall be the ribald, useless, drunken, outcast person we have always wished to be. We shall have a long white beard and long white hair; we shall not walk at all, but recline in a wheel chair and bellow for alcoholic beverages; in the winter we shall sit before the fire with our feet in a bucket of hot water, a decanter of corn whiskey near at hand, and write ribald songs against organized society... We look forward to a disreputable, vigorous, unhonoured, and disorderly old age.
In all systems of theology the devil figures as a male person. Yes, it is women who keep the church going.
Middle age is the time when a man is always thinking that in a week or two he will feel as good as ever.
There is always a comforting thought in time of trouble when it is not our trouble.
A demagogue is a person with whom we disagree as to which gang should mismanage the country.
Every cloud has its silver lining but it is sometimes a little difficult to get it to the mint.
Nearly every night before I go to bed I ask myself, "Have I vibrated in tune with the Infinite today, or have I failed?
There is bound to be a certain amount of trouble running any country. If you are president, the trouble happens to you. But if you are a tyrant you can arrange things so that most of the trouble happens to other people.
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