Comedian Quotes - Page 35

• 

  Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.

  Mel Brooks

  Funny, Death, Suicide

  "The 2,000 Year Old Man". Animation, Comedy, 1975.

  43 Copy quote

  Show source

• I hate small towns because once you've seen the cannon in the park there's nothing else to do.

  Lenny Bruce

  Funny, Hate, Boredom

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  19 Copy quote

  Show source

• I don't think of myself as funny - I don't fill up a room with my humor... I would fail miserably as a stand-up comedian.

  Steve Carell

  Thinking, Rooms, Failing

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

  5 Copy quote

  Show source

• Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.

  George Carlin

  Funny, Mean, Humor

  "The G20 Needs a Permanent Home" by Craig and Marc Kielburger, www.huffingtonpost.com. November 18, 2010.

  65 Copy quote

  Show source

• The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, "You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done".

  George Carlin

  Funny, Time, Jobs

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  64 Copy quote

  Show source

• The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept.

  George Carlin

  Inspirational, Funny, Truth

  George Carlin (2002). “Napalm & Silly Putty”, Hyperion

  12 Copy quote

  Show source

• I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.

  George Carlin

  Religious, Atheist, Ideas

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  36 Copy quote

  Show source

• Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.

  George Carlin

  Funny, Money, Work

  George Carlin (2015). “3 x Carlin: An Orgy of George including Brain Droppings, Napalm and Silly Putty, and When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?”, p.206, Hachette UK

  91 Copy quote

  Show source

• When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat.

  George Carlin

  Funny, Philosophy, Humor

  78 Copy quote

• May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

  George Carlin

  Funny, Sarcastic, Witty

  George Carlin (2002). “Napalm & Silly Putty”, Hyperion

  39 Copy quote

  Show source

• I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

  George Carlin

  Funny, Witty, Atheist

  George Carlin (2007). “The Best of Brain Droppings”, p.52, Peter Pauper Press, Inc.

  17 Copy quote

  Show source

• One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

  George Carlin

  Funny, Sarcastic, Witty

  105 Copy quote

• Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?

  George Carlin

  Funny, Peace, Freedom

  "George Carlin: Doin' It Again", www.imdb.com. 1990.

  69 Copy quote

  Show source

• Religion is just mind control.

  George Carlin

  Funny, Mind, Religion

  14 Copy quote

• No, I had not read any other comedian's book. Not that I don't enjoy other comedians; I'm just not a reader.

  Adam Carolla

  Book, Enjoy, Reader

  4 Copy quote

• The tragedy for comedians is there's nothing more they want than to be liked. We desperately seek approval. It's almost like a personality disorder you can do as a job.

  Jimmy Carr

  Jobs, Personality, Tragedy

  "This much I know: Jimmy Carr". Interview with Euan Ferguson, www.theguardian.com. December 10, 2011.

  54 Copy quote

  Show source

• All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.

  Charlie Chaplin

  Funny, Girl, Humor

  My Autobiography ch. 10 (1964)

  16 Copy quote

  Show source

• I've been a comedian since I was fourteen. But I've never really been a CEO.

  Dave Chappelle

  Ceo, Fourteen

  4 Copy quote

• Here's the thing about Red Sox fans, or actually just fans from that region, in general: they appreciate the effort. And if you mail it in or if you give 80 percent, even with a win, they'll let you know that's not how you do it. They want - if it's comedian, if it's a musician, bring us your best show.

  Dane Cook

  Winning, Appreciate, Giving

  4 Copy quote

• I love comedians. They're my community.

  Louis C. K.

  Community

  "Louis C.K. Talks LOUIE Season 3, Writing, Directing and Starring in Every Episode, Having Jerry Seinfeld and Robin Williams Guest Star and More". Interview with Christina Radish, collider.com. July 7, 2012.

  4 Copy quote

  Show source

• I'm not a political comedian. That's just not what I do.

  Louis C. K.

  Political

  4 Copy quote

• Comedians work great as actors because they're good under pressure. With a lot of actors, you have to make them feel like everything's going really well to get a good performance out of them. But, if you have a comedian on the set, you can tell them, 'Hey, you really are screwing this up,' and then they just get better.

  Louis C. K.

  Get Better, Hey, Actors

  "Louis C.K. Talks LOUIE Season 3, Writing, Directing and Starring in Every Episode, Having Jerry Seinfeld and Robin Williams Guest Star and More". Interview with Christina Radish, collider.com. July 7, 2012.

  15 Copy quote

  Show source

• I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Hate, Humorous

  "Laugh Off: The Comedy Showdown Between Real Life and the Pros". Book by Bob Fenster, 2005.

  94 Copy quote

  Show source

• I've been trying to find women writers for my staff for a while now and I have three women on my staff and three guys so it's pretty equal. I don't know why that is. It's been the same thing for a while. It's hard for female comedians to stand out. That's weird. That's a shame.

  Ellen DeGeneres

  Guy, Trying, Female

  4 Copy quote

• I love mixing with comedians when I'm working with them, but when I'm not I don't feel the need to hang around with them.

  Jack Dee

  Mixing, Needs, Feels

  "'I'm not an interesting celebrity. I don't snort cocaine or wear women's underwear'". Interview with Patrick Barkham, www.theguardian.com. December 4, 2007.

  4 Copy quote

  Show source