Tom Lehrer Quotes - Page 2

Quotes about:

• Some of you may have met mathematicians and wondered how they got that way.

  Tom Lehrer

  Science, May, Way

  13 Copy quote

• Don't write naughty words on the wall if you can't spell!

  Tom Lehrer

  Wall, Writing, Naughty

  5 Copy quote

• Speaking of love, one problem that recurs more and more frequently these days, in books and plays and movies, Is the inability of people to communicate with the people they love: husbands and wives who can't communicate, Children who can't communicate with their parents, and so on. And the characters in these books and plays and so on, And in real life, I might add, spend hours bemoaning the fact that they can't communicate. I feel that if a person can't communicate, the very least he can do is to shut up!

  Tom Lehrer

  Children, Husband, Real

  "Alma". Song by Tom Lehrer, 1965.

  5 Copy quote

• The Army has carried the American... ideal to its logical conclusion... Not only do they prohibit discrimination on the grounds of race, creed and color, but also on the grounds of ability.

  Tom Lehrer

  Funny, Military, Army

  "Introduction to 'It Makes a Fellow Proud to be a Soldier'". CD Audio "An Evening Wasted with Tom Lehrer", March 20-21, 1959.

  8 Copy quote

• People are stupider than anybody.

  Tom Lehrer

  People

  Interview with Stephen Thompson, www.avclub.com. May 24, 2000.

  7 Copy quote

• Laughter is involuntary. If it's funny you laugh.

  Tom Lehrer

  Laughter, Laughing, Involuntary

  6 Copy quote

• I always like to make explicit the fact that before I went off not too long ago to fight in the trenches, I was a mathematician by profession. I don't like people to get the idea that I have to do this for a living. I mean, it isn't as though I had to do this, you know, I could be making, oh, three thousand dollars a year just teaching.

  Tom Lehrer

  Teaching, Mean, Fighting

  "Song: "Lobachevsky"("Songs by Tom Lehrer")". 1953.

  6 Copy quote

• I have always found it interesting... that there are people who regard copyright infringement as a form of flattery.

  Tom Lehrer

  People, Interesting, Flattery

  "Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  7 Copy quote

• There's ten stuffed heads in my trophy room right now, two game wardens, seven hunters, and a cow.

  Tom Lehrer

  Animal, Games, Two

  Song: The Hunting Song

  6 Copy quote

• If you asked me to write a rock song or a rap song, I couldn't do it because they're not in my fingers.

  Tom Lehrer

  Song, Rap, Writing

  "The Music Show" with Andrew Ford, www.abc.net.au. July 8, 2006.

  10 Copy quote

• I wish people who have trouble communicating would just shut up.

  Tom Lehrer

  Inspirational, Funny, Work

  14 Copy quote

• Apart from that Mrs Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play?

  Tom Lehrer

  Play, Enjoy

  12 Copy quote

• If you visit American city, You will find it very pretty. Just two things of which you must beware: Don't drink the water and don't breathe the air. Pollution, pollution, They got smog and sewage and mud. Turn on your tap and get hot and cold running crud. See the halibuts and the sturgeons Being wiped out by detergents. Fish gotta swim and birds gotta fly, But they don't last long if they try. Pollution, pollution, You can use the latest toothpaste, And then rinse your mouth with industrial waste.

  Tom Lehrer

  Running, Cities, Two

  "Pollution" (song) (1965)

  13 Copy quote

• But in the new (math) approach, the important thing is to understand what you're doing, rather than to get the right answer.

  Tom Lehrer

  Education, Knowledge, Math

  8 Copy quote

• Filth, I'm glad to say, is in the mind of the beholder. When correctly viewed, everything is lewd.

  Tom Lehrer

  Sex, Mind, Filth

  Song: Smut, Album: That Was the Year That Was

  9 Copy quote

• Soon we'll be out amid the cold world's strife. Soon we'll be sliding down the razor blade of life. But as we go our sordid sep'rate ways, We shall ne'er forget thee, thou golden college days. Hearts full of youth, Hearts full of truth, Six parts gin to one part vermouth.

  Tom Lehrer

  Heart, Past, College

  "Song: "Bright College Days" ("An Evening Wasted With Tom Lehrer")". March 20-21, 1959.

  17 Copy quote

• Oh, the Protestants hate the Catholics/ And the Catholics hate the Protestants/ And the Hindus hate the Muslims/ And everybody hates the Jews.

  Tom Lehrer

  Hate, Catholic, Religion

  Song: National Brotherhood Week

  12 Copy quote

• All books can be indecent books, though recent books are bolder.
  For filth, I'm glad to say, is in the mind of the beholder.
  When correctly viewed, everything is lewd.
  I could tell you things about Peter Pan
  and the Wizard of OZ, there's a dirty old man!

  Tom Lehrer

  Book, Dirty, Men

  Song: Smut, Album: That Was the Year That Was

  8 Copy quote

• For there is surely nothing more beautiful in this world than the sight of a lone man facing single-handedly a half a ton of angry pot roast!

  Tom Lehrer

  Beautiful, Men, Sight

  Song: In Old Mexico, Album: More of Tom Lehrer

  7 Copy quote

• The poor folks hate the rich folks, and the rich folks hate the poor folks. All of my folks hate all of your folks, it's American as apple pie.

  Tom Lehrer

  Hate, Apples, Pie

  "National Brotherhood Week" (song) (1965)

  6 Copy quote

• No one is more dangerous than someone who thinks he has "The Truth". To be an atheist is almost as arrogant as to be a fundamentalist. But then again, I can get pretty arrogant.

  Tom Lehrer

  Atheist, Thinking, Arrogant

  Responding to a question on whether he considered himself an atheist or an agnostic, in an interview at celebathiests.com, June 1996.

  8 Copy quote

• They love us everywhere we go. So when in doubt, send the Marines.

  Tom Lehrer

  Marine, Doubt, Politics

  Song: Send the Marines

  9 Copy quote

• The audience usually has to be with you, I'm afraid. I always regarded myself as not even preaching to the converted, I was titillating the converted.

  Tom Lehrer

  Preaching, Audience

  "Stop clapping, this is serious". Sydney Morning Herald interview, www.smh.com.au. March 1, 2003.

  5 Copy quote

• On Christmas day you can't get sore, your fellow man you must adore. There's time to cheat him all the more the other three hundred and sixty-four

  Tom Lehrer

  Christmas, Men, Three

  8 Copy quote

• The audiences like to think that satire is doing something. But, in fact, it is mostly to leave themselves satisfied. Satisfied rather than angry, which is what they should be.

  Tom Lehrer

  Thinking, Facts, Satire

  "Stop clapping, this is serious". Sydney Morning Herald interview, www.smh.com.au. March 1, 2003.

  9 Copy quote

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