Funny Alcohol Quotes - Page 6

• I like to have a martini/Two at the very most/After three I'm under the table/After four I'm under my host.

  Dorothy Parker

  Drinking, Two, Alcohol

  "Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine.

  Dave Moulton

  Drinking, Beer, Drunk

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• BRANDY, n. A cordial composed on one part thunder-and-lightning, one part remorse, two parts bloody murder, one part death-hell-and-the-grave and four parts clarified Satan.

  Ambrose Bierce

  Two, Alcohol, Four

  Ambrose Bierce (2001). “The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary”, p.29, University of Georgia Press

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• As long as you represent me as praising alcohol I shall not complain. It is, I believe, the greatest of human inventions, and by far - much greater than Hell, the radio or the bichloride tablet.

  H. L. Mencken

  Believe, Food, Long

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• Dost thou think, because thou art virtuous, there shall be no more cakes and ale?

  William Shakespeare

  Art, Drinking, Food

  'Twelfth Night' (1601) act 2, sc. 3, l. [124]

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• Alcohol is a very necessary article. It enables Parliament to do things at eleven at night that no sane person would do at eleven in the morning.

  George Bernard Shaw

  Morning, Drinking, Food

  Major Barbara (1907) act 2

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• No animal ever invented anything as bad as drunkenness - or so good as drink.

  Gilbert K. Chesterton

  Drinking, Beer, Animal

  All Things Considered (1908) "Wine When it is Red"

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• I don't have a drinking problem 'Cept when I can't get a drink.

  Tom Waits

  Drinking, Alcohol, Problem

  Song: Bad Liver And A Broken Heart, Album: Small Change

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• I tried to drown my sorrows, but the bastards learned how to swim, and now I am overwhelmed by this decent and good feeling.

  Frida Kahlo

  Love, Drinking, Happy Friday

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• Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough.

  Mark Twain

  Drinking, Alcohol, Funny Beer

  Mark Twain (2015). “Bite-Size Twain: Wit and Wisdom from the Literary Legend”, p.31, St. Martin's Press

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• I believe, if we take habitual drunkards as a class, their heads and their hearts will bear an advantageous comparison with those of any other class. There seems ever to have been a proneness in the brilliant and warm-blooded to fall into this vice.

  Abraham Lincoln

  Believe, Fall, Drinking

  Abraham Lincoln (1989). “Abraham Lincoln: Speeches & Writings Part 1: 1832-1858: Library of America #45”, p.88, Library of America

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• Zen martini: A martini with no vermouth at all. And no gin, either.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Food, Drinking, Alcohol

  P. J. O'Rourke (1983). “Modern manners”, Dell Books

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• If four or five guys tell you that you're drunk, even though you know you haven't had a thing to drink, the least you can do is to lie down a little while.

  Joseph M. Schenck

  Lying, Drinking, Drunk

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• The harsh, useful things of the world, from pulling teeth to digging potatoes, are best done by men who are as starkly sober as so many convicts in the death-house, but the lovely and useless things, the charming and exhilarating things, are best done by men with, as the phrase is, a few sheets in the wind.

  H. L. Mencken

  Drinking, Men, Wind

  H. L. MENCKEN (1924). “PREJUDICES FOURTH SERIES”

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• The water was not fit to drink. To make it palatable, we had to add whisky. By diligent effort, I learned to like it.

  Winston Churchill

  Drinking, Scotch, Water

  Sir Winston Churchill (1965). “The Churchill Wit”

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• Alcohol kills slowly. Good, I'm in no hurry.

  Coluche

  Alcohol

  6 Copy quote