Jackie Mason Quotes - Page 2

Quotes about:

• Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.

  Jackie Mason

  Marriage, Funny Love, Cheating

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

  85 Copy quote

• On the murder of New York deli owner Abe Lebewohl: It's almost like wiping out Carnegie Hall. A sandwich to a Jew is just as important as a country to a Gentile.

  Jackie Mason

  Country, New York, Important

  39 Copy quote

• The key is that I'm always relevant. Some of these comedians have nothing to say. They don't have any ideas so it's "F" this and "F" that. They give you a whole series of swear words and it's really just a way for them to get themselves out of trouble when they can't come up with anything. They're irrelevant and ridiculous.

  Jackie Mason

  Ideas, Keys, Giving

  Source: spectator.org

  24 Copy quote

• A person who speaks good English in New York sounds like a foreigner.

  Jackie Mason

  New York, Sound, Speak

  14 Copy quote

• It is more profitable for your congressman to support the tobacco industry than your life.

  Jackie Mason

  Death, Suicide, Support

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  26 Copy quote

• If an Englishman gets run down by a truck he apologizes to the truck.

  Jackie Mason

  Running, Humor, Apology

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  11 Copy quote

• I can't predict the future and I don't have respect for people who try to.

  Jackie Mason

  People, Trying, I Can

  "Everything Bold Is New Again: An Interview with Jackie Mason". Interview with Bernard Chapin, spectator.org. April 18, 2007.

  27 Copy quote

• I've been watching politics for 35 or 40 years and you just never know. You can have one person win the Iowa caucus and then the whole picture changes ten minutes later. The same thing can happen again after New Hampshire. I have no idea what's going to happen with our country in the future.

  Jackie Mason

  Country, Winning, Ideas

  "Everything Bold Is New Again: An Interview with Jackie Mason". Interview with Bernard Chapin, spectator.org. April 18, 2007.

  30 Copy quote

• I'm crazy about the fact that the Jewish people should survive because they have so much to contribute and so many values to contribute to the world. It would be a much better world, a much more peaceful and non-violent world if we lived by Jewish values.

  Jackie Mason

  Crazy, Jewish Values, People

  21 Copy quote

• The main problem with the Democrats is their utter negativity. They're made up of schumucks and hypocrites. They also have higher levels of immorality.

  Jackie Mason

  Hypocrite, Negativity, Levels

  Source: spectator.org

  7 Copy quote

• Prostitutes go to jail. Their customers go home and read the New York Times. In this country you're allowed to buy anything. If you need a shirt, you have a right to buy it. If you need sex, you don't. What's more important, sex or a shirt?

  Jackie Mason

  Country, Sex, New York

  28 Copy quote

• I didn't think it was fair to pretend to give of myself when I was so selfishly consumed with my own drives.

  Jackie Mason

  Thinking, Giving, Obsession

  7 Copy quote

• Did you hear about the accountant who became am embezzler? He ran away with the accounts payable!

  Jackie Mason

  Accountants, Accounts, Ran

  10 Copy quote

• Jews are living in the past and they can't get over it.

  Jackie Mason

  Past, Over It, Jew

  Source: spectator.org

  16 Copy quote

• You know how many stunning women told me they can't stand a good-looking man? ... Women feel secure with an ugly guy because a man in bad shape isn't gonna cheat.

  Jackie Mason

  Men, Guy, Shapes

  12 Copy quote

• Jews are the best dressers in the world. They buy the best clothes, the best homes, the best cars. The best of everything. The only thing is, they get it for less.

  Jackie Mason

  Home, Clothes, Car

  7 Copy quote

• The New York Times does an unbelievable amount of damage because every day television and radio stations along with the rest of media take their lead on the way the news should be presented along with what actually is the news.

  Jackie Mason

  New York, Media, News

  Source: spectator.org

  8 Copy quote

• While I have the utmost respect for people who practice the Christian faith, the fact is, as everyone knows, I am as Jewish as a matzo ball or kosher salami.

  Jackie Mason

  Christian, Practice, People

  "Oy! Jackie Mason sues Jews for Jesus". The Associated Press, www.today.com. August 25, 2006.

  12 Copy quote

• All the Democrats do is bicker. They're not concerned about the war or the fate of the United States of America. They're desperate characters.

  Jackie Mason

  War, Character, Fate

  Source: spectator.org

  5 Copy quote

• There are more Democratic schmucks than there are Republican ones.

  Jackie Mason

  Republican, Schmucks, Democratic

  Source: spectator.org

  4 Copy quote

• I don't believe that anybody has come to a conclusion on why something is funny. It's funny because it's ridiculous and it's ridiculous for different reasons at different times.

  Jackie Mason

  Believe, Different, Ridiculous

  "Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  8 Copy quote

• Predictions are preposterous. What usually happens is that people tell you that what they'd like to see happen instead of what they really think will happen. There are so many variations and possibilities that there's no way to ever really know for certain.

  Jackie Mason

  Thinking, People, Variation

  Source: spectator.org

  4 Copy quote

• The last thing we need is another Clinton to be our President. Believe me, one lowlife was enough. We don't need the lowlife's partner.

  Jackie Mason

  Believe, President, Needs

  Source: spectator.org

  6 Copy quote

• As a class, Jews give three times as much money to charity as anybody else, but they feel guilty about their wealth anyway. They simply can't accept the idea of ever being Republicans.

  Jackie Mason

  Class, Ideas, Giving

  Source: spectator.org

  5 Copy quote

• Comparing what the Democrats offer to what the Republicans offer is like comparing the money I have in my pocket to what Bill Gates has in his.

  Jackie Mason

  Bills, Pockets, Republican

  Source: spectator.org

  5 Copy quote

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