Greg Giraldo Quotes - Page 2

Quotes about:

• Even before the kids are born, you've go to make these decisions. If it's a boy, do we get him circumcised? If it's a girl, do we keep her?

  Greg Giraldo

  Girl, Kids, Boys

  8 Copy quote

• Little did I know that earning a living at stand-up is the hardest thing you can do. But once I started doing it, I just loved it, and I realized that I was actually kinda good at it, and then that was it.

  Greg Giraldo

  Littles, Earning, Hardest

  "Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  17 Copy quote

• I've always had real trouble knowing what my actual desires and goals are. I've just been dragged along by fate.

  Greg Giraldo

  Real, Fate, Knowing

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

  11 Copy quote

• We're a spoiled, lazy culture, full of ethnic pride that has to have a parade for every nationality.

  Greg Giraldo

  Pride, Lazy, Culture

  14 Copy quote

• On a day-to-day basis, you get tired of waiting to be accepted. In show business, someone else has to say that you're good or that you're worth going to see or worth taping a show. There's a lot of pain here. There's a lot of pain inside. I'm a sad, crying-on-the-inside kind of clown.

  Greg Giraldo

  Pain, Tired, Waiting

  Source: www.avclub.com

  12 Copy quote

• You think they could stop putting these experts on the news with their doomsday scenarios of how the terrorists might attack us? Because you get the sense they're coming up with ideas that these people haven't thought of themselves.

  Greg Giraldo

  Thinking, Ideas, People

  8 Copy quote

• A good joke provides tension, and then, release of that tension. You build the tension by saying things that are controversial. The release is the laugh. The bigger the surprise or insight in your joke, the bigger the laugh.

  Greg Giraldo

  Laughing, Surprise, Controversial

  12 Copy quote

• You got a cop under five feet tall, what if he's gotta plant evidence on a high shelf? What then? What if he's gotta chase a suspect onto a ride at Disneyland?

  Greg Giraldo

  Feet, What If, Cop

  9 Copy quote

• Some people say Larry the Cable Guy's only successful because he's pandering to the lowest common denominator, blatantly and not ironically exploiting people's racist and homophobic tendencies. Don't listen to these people, Larry. They're just bitter and jealous and right.

  Greg Giraldo

  Funny, Jealous, Successful

  9 Copy quote

• It's something like 70% of American adults are obese, and the rest of them are women on Ally McBeal.

  Greg Giraldo

  Allies, Adults, Ally Mcbeal

  11 Copy quote

• We need more money for schools. We need more money for the kids. Ever think maybe the damn kids aren't worth it?

  Greg Giraldo

  School, Kids, Thinking

  13 Copy quote

• There hasn't been a more effeminate Jew in the closet since Anne Frank.

  Greg Giraldo

  Closets, Jew, Frank

  "Comedy Central Roast of Bob Saget". TV Special, www.imdb.com. August 17, 2008.

  11 Copy quote

• Some people are just really goofy kind of guitar acts, and they go out and do these colleges and start making a fortune pretty early on. And other people - I know guys who are great comics, who've done the Letterman show many times, who still barely pay their bills.

  Greg Giraldo

  College, Guitar, People

  Interview with Ken P., www.ign.com. June 30, 2004.

  9 Copy quote

• A dangerous fire retardant chemical is being found in women's breast milk. My wife's breastfeeding, but you know, you gotta be an optimist. I'm like, well, maybe it's making my child fireproof.

  Greg Giraldo

  Children, Fire, Wife

  7 Copy quote

• Edible underwear?... even during sex, we can't stop eating.

  Greg Giraldo

  Sex, Underwear, Eating

  5 Copy quote

• It's hard to distinguish when I was actually struggling from when I only felt like I was struggling - which was pretty much always.

  Greg Giraldo

  Struggle, Felt, Hard

  "Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  7 Copy quote

• If you spend five minutes with me or watch me try to balance my checkbook, you can only imagine the disaster I would make of anyone's legal issues.

  Greg Giraldo

  Issues, Balance, Trying

  Interview with Ken P., www.ign.com. June 30, 2004.

  8 Copy quote

• The reality is I'm not a 'get knocked down and come back harder' kind of guy.

  Greg Giraldo

  Reality, Guy, Down And

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  4 Copy quote

• Jesse has opened for me extensively on the road so I’ve seen him do hundreds of sets. He is always super funny, has tons of material and the crowds love him. Bottom line, Jesse Joyce is a great comedian.

  Greg Giraldo

  Comedian, Lines, Crowds

  7 Copy quote

• There are more whipped guys on television than there were on the Amistad.

  Greg Giraldo

  Guy, Television

  "Greg Giraldo: Midlife Vices". Documentary, Short, Comedy, 2009.

  4 Copy quote

• Joke stealing is a big deal to me, but I mean, I'm not going to investigate it if it doesn't effect me directly.

  Greg Giraldo

  Mean, Stealing, Bigs

  4 Copy quote

• The things that make me laugh are considered smart or whatever, I guess. But stuff that's self-consciously intelligent or self-consciously hip or cool, that doesn't do it for me either. You just try to be funny.

  Greg Giraldo

  Smart, Intelligent, Self

  "Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  4 Copy quote

• How many of you text message? It's a great way of not communicating.

  Greg Giraldo

  Way, Messages, Text Message

  4 Copy quote

• The reality is I'm not this person with this driving 'get it done' attitude.

  Greg Giraldo

  Attitude, Reality, Done

  "Greg Giraldo on Failure". Interview With Jay Dixit, www.psychologytoday.com. May 13, 2009.

  4 Copy quote

• When I heard you could get a disease from playing with your prairie dog, I thought, 'Wow, what a euphemism.' I thought playing with my prairie dog was the best way to avoid diseases.

  Greg Giraldo

  Dog, Disease, Wow

  6 Copy quote

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