Winston Churchill Funny Quotes

• 

  You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life.

  Winston Churchill

  Inspirational, Funny, Life
• 

  I am always ready to learn although I do not always like being taught.

  Winston Churchill

  Funny, Leadership, Education

  Sir Winston Churchill (1966). “Irrepressible Churchill: a treasury of Winston Churchill's wit”

• Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened.

  Winston Churchill

  Inspirational, Funny, Life

• If you're going through hell, keep going.

  Winston Churchill

  Inspirational, Motivational, Change

• A politician needs the ability to foretell what is going to happen tomorrow, next week, next month, and next year. And to have the ability afterwards to explain why it didn't happen.

  Winston Churchill

  Funny, Humorous, Next Week

  In B. Adler Churchill Wit (1965) p. 4

• A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.

  Winston Churchill

  Funny, Truth, Honesty

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

• A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject.

  Winston Churchill

  Funny, Change, Business

  Winston Churchill (1987). “The Irrepressible Churchill: Stories, Sayings and Impressions of Sir Winston Churchill”, London : Robson Books

• The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.

  Winston Churchill

  Funny, Trust, Witty

  Winston S. Churchill (2013). “Churchill By Himself”, p.1079, RosettaBooks

• A good speech should be like a woman's skirt: long enough to cover the subject and short enough to create interest

  Winston Churchill

  Funny, Witty, Clothes

• A joke is a very serious thing.

  Winston Churchill

  Funny, Humorous, Serious Things

• Don't talk to me about naval tradition. It's nothing but rum, sodomy, and the lash.

  Winston Churchill

  Funny, Army, British Navy

  In Sir Peter Gretton Former Naval Person (1968) ch. 1

• A prisoner of war is a man who tries to kill you and fails, and then asks you not to kill him.

  Winston Churchill

  Funny, Sarcastic, Laughter

• You can always count on Americans to do the right thing - after they've tried everything else.

  Winston Churchill

  Funny, Sarcastic, Witty

  "Churchill 'in the year of Trump': Darkest Hour feeds America's love for Winston" by David Smith, www.theguardian.com. November 26, 2017.

• I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

  Winston Churchill

  Funny, Beauty, Sarcastic

• I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.

  Winston Churchill

  Funny, Life, Leadership

  Speech at the Reform Club, April 28, 1981.

• There is no finer investment for any community than putting milk into babies.

  Winston Churchill

  Funny, Uplifting, Baby

  Speech on radio, 21 Mar. 1943, in Complete Speeches (1974) vol. 7, p. 6761

• There are a terrible lot of lies going about the world, and the worst of it is that half of them are true.

  Winston Churchill

  Funny, True Friend, Lying

  Sir Winston Churchill (1995). “The Proverbial Winston S. Churchill: An Index to Proverbs in the Works of Sir Winston Churchill”

• I am prepared to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

  Winston Churchill

  Funny, Death, Witty

  Quoted in L.A. Times, 28 Nov. 1954

• It has been said that democracy is the worst form of government except all the others that have been tried.

  Winston Churchill

  Funny, Sarcastic, Time

• Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an ever smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose

  Winston Churchill

  Funny, Golf, Games

  Winston Churchill (2001). “The Wicked Wit of Winston Churchill”, Michael O'Mara Books

• The United States invariably does the right thing, after having exhausted every other alternative.

  Winston Churchill

  Funny, Witty, United States

  "Greenfield: Un-kept promises" by Jeff Greenfield, www.cnn.com. January 24, 2007.

• In war it does not matter who is right, but who is left.

  Winston Churchill

  Funny, Witty, War

• Democracy is an awful way to run a country, but it's the best system we have.

  Winston Churchill

  Funny, Country, Running

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

• Eating words has never given me indigestion.

  Winston Churchill

  Funny, Health, Apology

  Winston Churchill (2001). “The Wicked Wit of Winston Churchill”, Michael O'Mara Books

• I do not hold that we should rearm in order to fight. I hold that we should rearm in order to parley.

  Winston Churchill

  Funny, Humorous, Fighting

  Winston Churchill, Robert Rhodes James (1980). “Churchill speaks: Winston S. Churchill in peace and war : collected speeches, 1897-1963”, Atheneum

You May Also Like:

Queen Elizabeth II

George VI

Joseph Stalin

Franklin D. Roosevelt

Anthony Eden

Benito Mussolini

Dwight D. Eisenhower