Real loss is only possible when you love something more than you love yourself.
If it's the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number?
Reality is just a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs.
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
The first time I tried organic wheat bread, I thought I was chewing on roofing material
It's hotter than a snake's ass in a wagon rut.
I'm a very tolerant man, except when it comes to holding a grudge.
You're going to the cemetery with your toothbrush. How Egyptian
That's the formaldehyde. That's why Granny's so well-preserved.
If we were interested in making money, we wouldn't have become teachers.
You'd think all of these "atypical" somethings would add up to a typical something
My first day as a woman and I am already having hot flushes
Go pump some neurons. Expand your craniums
When I find out a hotel doesn't have a DSL, it's like "What? There's no toilet?" Once you get used to high speed you ain't going back
My religious background is that my mother is a Christian Dior Scientist.
What kind of man gives cigarettes to trees?
Montovani? They play Montovani to insomniacs that don't respond to strong drugs
We're not laughing at you - we're laughing near you
Just now when I said, "I have a crush on you," you didn't say, "no way loser". I'd rather have a lobotomy by a leper. That means something
Three wishes - no substitutes, exchanges or refunds
They say our mothers really know how to push our buttons - because they installed them
It never fails - you get in the bath and there's a rub at the lamp
You're still young. Being a true loser takes years of inaptitude
I'm looking for Miss Right, or at least Miss Right Now
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