Scott Adams Quotes - Page 6

Quotes about:

• Reporters are faced with the daily choice of painstakingly researching stories or writing whatever people tell them. Both approaches pay the same.

  Scott Adams

  Writing, America, People

  Scott Adams (1996). “The Dilbert principle: a cubicle's-eye view of bosses, meetings, management fads & other workplace afflictions”

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• If you don't believe your salmon is wild, ask it to fetch your newspaper and see what happens.

  Scott Adams

  Believe, Salmon, Fetch

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• To the engineer, all matter in the universe can be placed into one of two categories: (1) things that need to be fixed, and (2) things that will need to be fixed after you've had a few minutes to play with them. If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own problems. Normal people don't understand this concept; they believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

  Scott Adams

  Believe, Play, Two

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• If you haven't already told your kids 'don't fellate the president' then you're probably a bad parent.

  Scott Adams

  Kids, Parent, President

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• Why aren't you signed up for the 401K? I'd never be able to run that far.

  Scott Adams

  Inspirational, Running, Inspirational Running

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• Sadness is just another word for not enough coffee.

  Scott Adams

  Coffee, Sadness, Enough

  Scott Adams (2007). “Stick to Drawing Comics, Monkey Brain!: Cartoonist Explains Cloning, Blouse Monsters, Voting Machines, Romance, Monkey G ods, How to Avoid Being Mistaken for a Rodent, and More”, p.438, Penguin

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• In the future, airplanes will be flown by a dog and a pilot. And the dog's job will be to make sure that if the pilot tries to touch any of the buttons, the dog bites him.

  Scott Adams

  Dog, Jobs, Airplane

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• If I liked food and disliked exercise as much as a 400 pound guy, I'd be a 400 pound guy.

  Scott Adams

  Food, Exercise, Weight Loss

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• This happens to me: I have this great idea and then I make the mistake of telling someone else.

  Scott Adams

  Mistake, Ideas, Great Idea

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• I'm surrendering myself to the realities of the Internet.

  Scott Adams

  Reality, Internet

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• I get mail; therefore I am.

  Scott Adams

  Humor, Technology, Mail

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• There's kind of a toll you have to pay with a cat; if you don't pet her for 10 minutes she'll bother you for six hours.

  Scott Adams

  Cat, Pet, Pay

  "'Dilbert' creator on working at home, getting his voice back". www.cnn.com. November 7, 2007.

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• The creator of the universe works in mysterious ways. But he uses a base ten counting system and likes round numbers.

  Scott Adams

  Math, Science, Mysterious Universe

  Scott Adams (2007). “Stick to Drawing Comics, Monkey Brain!: Cartoonist Explains Cloning, Blouse Monsters, Voting Machines, Romance, Monkey G ods, How to Avoid Being Mistaken for a Rodent, and More”, p.451, Penguin

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• For most of my career I did one comic a day, every day, including weekends and holidays.

  Scott Adams

  Holiday, Weekend, Careers

  "An Interview with the "Dilbert" Cartoonist Scott Adams" by Zachary Kanin, www.newyorker.com. October 27, 2008.

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• If you work in the city long enough, it begins to deal with you on a personal level. Streets reveal their moods. Sometimes the signal light loves you. Sometimes they fight you. When you're hunting for a new building, you hope the city is on your side. You have to use a little bit of thinking--you might call it the process of elimination--and you need a little bit of instinct, but not too much of either. If you think too hard, you overshoot your target and end up at the Pier or the Tenderloin. If you relax and let the city help, the destination does all the work for you.

  Scott Adams

  Love You, Fighting, Thinking

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• The best way to compile inaccurate information that no one wants is to make it up.

  Scott Adams

  Want, Information, Way

  Scott Adams (2011). “14 Years of Loyal Service in a Fabric-Covered Box: A Dilbert Book”, p.123, Andrews McMeel Publishing

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• No matter how many times I visit New York City, I am always struck by the same thing - a yellow taxicab.

  Scott Adams

  Funny, Travel, New York

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• Every year, it takes more brains to navigate this complicated world. More people are falling below what I call the 'incompetence line' through no fault of their own.

  Scott Adams

  Fall, Inspiration, Years

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• In Japan, employees occasionally work themselves to death. It’s called Karoshi. I don’t want that to happen to anybody in my department. The trick is to take a break as soon as you see a bright light and hear dead relatives beckon.

  Scott Adams

  Funny, Death, Work

  Scott Adams (1996). “The Dilbert principle: a cubicle's-eye view of bosses, meetings, management fads & other workplace afflictions”

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• You probably think Stephen Hawking is in that wheelchair because of a motor neuron disease. But if you got as much barely-legal student poontang as The Hawkster, you'd be in a wheelchair too.

  Scott Adams

  Sex, Thinking, Neurons

  Scott Adams (2007). “Stick to Drawing Comics, Monkey Brain!: Cartoonist Explains Cloning, Blouse Monsters, Voting Machines, Romance, Monkey G ods, How to Avoid Being Mistaken for a Rodent, and More”, p.364, Penguin

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• Dilbert: It took weeks but I've calculated a new theory about the origin of the universe. According to my calculations it didn't start with a "Big Bang" at all-it was more of "Phhbwt" sound. You may be wondering about the practical applications of the "Little Phhbwt" theory. Dogbert: I was wondering when you'll go away.

  Scott Adams

  Science, Going Away, Bangs

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• Technology: No Place for Wimps!

  Scott Adams

  Technology, Wimps

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• Ratbert (as lab rat, to scientist): Doc, we have to talk. Every day you feed me over a hundred pounds of macaroni and cheese. At first I thought you were just being a good host. But lately I've been thinking it could be something far more sinister.

  Scott Adams

  Science, Thinking, Labs

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• In the future, it will become increasingly obvious that your competitors are just as clueless as you are.

  Scott Adams

  Business, Clueless, Obvious

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• For five hundred dollars, I'll name a subatomic particle after you. Some of my satisfied customers include Arthur C. Quark and George Meson.

  Scott Adams

  Science, Names, Dollars

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