Scott Adams Quotes - Page 9

Quotes about:

• Methods for predicting the future: 1) read horoscopes, tea leaves, tarot cards, or crystal balls . . . collectively known as "nutty methods;" 2) put well-researched facts into sophisticated computer . . . commonly referred to as "a complete waste of time."

  Scott Adams

  Time, Tea Leaves, Tarot

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• Dilbert: I'm obsessed with inventing a perpetual motion machine. Most scientists think it's impossible, but I have something they don't. Dogbert: A lot of spare time? Dilbert: Exactly.

  Scott Adams

  Science, Thinking, Machines

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• Everyone says there's a lack of leadership in the world these days. I think we should all be thankful, because the only reason for leadership is to convince people to do things that are either dangerous (like invading another country) or stupid (working extra hard without extra pay).

  Scott Adams

  Country, Stupid, Thinking

  Scott Adams (2007). “Stick to Drawing Comics, Monkey Brain!: Cartoonist Explains Cloning, Blouse Monsters, Voting Machines, Romance, Monkey G ods, How to Avoid Being Mistaken for a Rodent, and More”, p.446, Penguin

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• One Dilbert Blog reader noted that current research shows that happiness causes success more than success causes happiness. That makes sense to me. There's plenty of research about people having a baseline of happiness that doesn't vary much with circumstances. And given that happy people are typically optimistic, energetic, and fun to work with, I can see how happiness would lead to success.

  Scott Adams

  Happiness, Fun, Optimistic

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• I calculated the total time that humans have waited for web pages to load. It cancels out all the productivity gains of the information age. Sometimes I think the web is a big plot to keep people like me away from normal society.

  Scott Adams

  Thinking, People, Age

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• I love you like a fat kid loves cake!

  Scott Adams

  Love, Valentines Day, Food

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• I try to avoid giving advice.

  Scott Adams

  Giving, Advice, Trying

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• The children are our future. And that is why, ultimately, we're screwed unless we do something about it. If you haven't noticed, the children who are our future are good-looking, but they aren't all that bright. As dense as they might be, they will eventually notice that adults have spent all the money, spread disease, and turned the planet into a smoky, filthy ball of death. We're raising an entire generation of dumb, pissed-off kids who know where the handguns are kept. This is not a good recipe for a happy future.

  Scott Adams

  Children, Future, Kids

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• I would sometimes sit in a crowded restaurant, and say, 'You know, I'm the only person in this restaurant who can't draw.'

  Scott Adams

  Sometimes, Restaurants, Draws

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• Have you ever noticed that things that don’t kill you make you weaker? And great minds don’t think alike. If they did, the patent office would only have about fifty inventions. I started getting suspicious when I cried over spilt milk and the cashier took it off my bill.” - Wally

  Scott Adams

  Thinking, Office, Mind

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• It is better for your career to do nothing, than to do something and attract criticism.

  Scott Adams

  Careers, Criticism

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• The world isn't fair, but as long as it's tilting in my direction, I find that there's a natural cap to my righteous indignation.

  Scott Adams

  Long, World, Natural

  "Dilbert blog: The Benefits of Getting Old". August 2006.

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• As a fan, I'm distraught, but as a cartoonist looking at new vacant spaces in 2400 newspapers, well, behind me, my cats are dancing a conga line.

  Scott Adams

  Funny, Humor, Cat

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• Women are treated differently by society for exactly the same reason that children and the mentally handicapped are treated differently.

  Scott Adams

  Children, Reason, Dilbert

  "'Dilbert' cartoonist Scott Adams draws feminist outrage" by Jeff Labrecque, www.ew.com. March 30, 2011.

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• 'Dilbert' became popular during the downsizing of the '90s, and job security was a major theme of the strip.

  Scott Adams

  Jobs, Dilbert, Theme

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• One way to compensate for a tiny brain is to pretend to be dead.

  Scott Adams

  Brain, Way, Tiny

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• I love magazines. It's such McNugget kind of information.

  Scott Adams

  Magazines, Information, Kind

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• We must develop knowledge optimization initiatives to leverage our key learnings.

  Scott Adams

  Keys, Initiative, Optimization

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• As long as there are annoying people in the world, I won't run out of material.

  Scott Adams

  Running, Long, People

  Scott Adams (2011). “Thriving on Vague Objectives: A Dilbert Collection”, Andrews McMeel Publishing

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• A person with a flexible schedule and average resources will be happier than a rich person who has everything except a flexible schedule. Step one in your search for happiness is to continually work toward having control of your schedule.

  Scott Adams

  Average, Investing, Schedules

  "How to Fail at Almost Everything and Still Win Big". Book by Scott Adams, www.huffingtonpost.com. 2013.

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• I hated my work. It never seemed to me to be what I should be doing.

  Scott Adams

  Should, Working It, Hated

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• My investments have been hurt.

  Scott Adams

  Hurt, Investment, Been Hurt

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• It doesn't take many people to have a bad sense of humor to get in trouble at a corporation.

  Scott Adams

  People, Corporations, Sense Of Humor

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• I have a perverse attraction to risk. Not physical risk but emotional, financial risk - anything than can't kill you immediately.

  Scott Adams

  Emotional, Risk, Financial

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• These days it seems like any idiot with a laptop computer can churn out a business book and make a few bucks. That's certainly what I'm hoping. It would be a real letdown if the trend changed before this masterpiece goes to print.

  Scott Adams

  Real, Book, Trends

  Scott Adams (1996). “The Dilbert principle: a cubicle's-eye view of bosses, meetings, management fads & other workplace afflictions”

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