Scott Adams Quotes - Page 11

Quotes about:

• Dogbert: So, Since Columbus is dead, you have no evidence that the earth is round. Dilbert: Look. You can Ask Senator John Glenn. He orbited the earth when he was an astronaut. Dogbert: So, your theory depends on the honesty of politicians. Dilbert: Yes... no, wait.

  Scott Adams

  Honesty, Science, Waiting

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• By definition, risk-takers often fail. So do morons. In practice it's difficult to sort them out.

  Scott Adams

  Practice, Risk, Definitions

  Scott Adams (1996). “The Dilbert principle: a cubicle's-eye view of bosses, meetings, management fads & other workplace afflictions”

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• Failure is a resource that can be managed.

  Scott Adams

  Resources

  Scott Adams (2013). “How to Fail at Almost Everything and Still Win Big: Kind of the Story of My Life”, p.17, Penguin

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• If you think it's easy to write jokes about fried calamari, you've probably never tried.

  Scott Adams

  Writing, Thinking, Easy

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• Be careful that what you write does not offend anybody or cause problems within the company. The safest approach is to remove all useful information.

  Scott Adams

  Writing, Decision, Doe

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• Management is nature's way of removing idiots from the productive flow.

  Scott Adams

  Wisdom, Flow, Way

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• Never base your budget requests on realistic assumptions, as this could lead to a decrease in your funding.

  Scott Adams

  Assumption, Realistic, Funding

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• Dilbert: You joined the "Flat Earth Society?" Dogbert: I believe the earth must be flat. There is no good evidence to support the so-called "round earth theory." Dilbert: I think Christopher Columbus would disagree. Dogbert: How convenient that your best witness is dead.

  Scott Adams

  Believe, Science, Thinking

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• I'm not happy on vacation. In those rare times when I have three hours with no work I have to do, I'm terribly uncomfortable.

  Scott Adams

  Vacation, Three, Not Happy

  "Scott Adams Keeps the Home Office Humming". Interview with Adam Bryant, www.nytimes.com. September 7, 1997.

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• Just because no one has ever gotten better from Spasmodic Dysphonia before doesn't mean I can't be the first.

  Scott Adams

  Mean, Firsts, I Can

  "Good News Day". Dilbert Blog by Scott Adams, October 24, 2006.

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• Computers and rocket ships are examples of invention, not of understanding. ... All that is needed to build machines is the knowledge that when one thing happens, another thing happens as a result. It's an accumulation of simple patterns. A dog can learn patterns. There is no "why&rdqo"; in those examples. We don't understand why electricity travels. We don't know why light travels at a constant speed forever. All we can do is observe and record patterns.

  Scott Adams

  Dog, Knowledge, Science

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• Boss: I just heard that light travels faster than sound. I'm wondering if I should shout when I speak, just so my lips appear to sync-up with my words.

  Scott Adams

  Knowledge, Science, Light

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• Swing your partner, dosey-do, now clap your hands... uh-oh, that's all the square dance moves I know... I'll bluff the rest. Slap your partner in the face, Write bad checks all over the place, Flirt with strangers, annoy your spouse, Get a divorce and lose your house, ...uh... dosey-do.

  Scott Adams

  Moving, Divorce, Writing

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• As network administrator I can take down the network with one keystroke. It's just like being a doctor but without getting gooky stuff on my paws.

  Scott Adams

  Technology, Doctors, Paws

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• The best part about being my age is in knowing how my life worked out. Sure, there's a lot more living to go, but there isn't much doubt that I'll always be the 'Dilbert guy.' Unless I go on a crime spree, in which case I'll be that stabbin Dilbert guy.

  Scott Adams

  Knowing, Guy, Doubt

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• When virtual reality gets cheaper than dating, society is doomed.

  Scott Adams

  Reality, Dating, Cheaper

  "Fictional character: Dogbert". "Dilbert" comic strip, dilbert.com. October 14, 1994.

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• He was deader than a shrunken head at a Hackey Sack festival.

  Scott Adams

  Death, Suicide, Festivals

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