I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.
A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.
The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.
I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.
Santa Claus has the right idea - visit people only once a year.
There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.
Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.
Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love.
Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.
I will honor Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year.
Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful.
Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present.
From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist it would be necessary to invent it.
Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven.
Christmas begins about the first of December with an office party and ends when you finally realize what you spent, around April fifteenth of the next year.
The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other.
Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.
One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don't clean it up too quickly." ~ (1919-), American writer, producer, humorist.
There is a remarkable breakdown of taste and intelligence at Christmastime. Mature, responsible grown men wear neckties made of holly leaves and drink alcoholic beverages with raw egg yolks and cottage cheese in them.
or simply:
