Thanksgiving Funny Quotes

• I love chicken. I would eat chicken fingers on Thanksgiving if it were socially acceptable.

  Todd Barry

  Thanksgiving, Chickens, Chicken Nuggets

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• We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.

  Friedrich Koenig

  Love, Life, Happiness

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• It took me three weeks to stuff the turkey. I stuffed it through the beak.

  Phyllis Diller

  Thanksgiving, Turkeys, Three

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• It must be an odd feeling to be thankful to nobody in particular. Christians in public institutions often see this odd thing happening on Thanksgiving Day. Everyone in the institution seems to be thankful 'in general.' It's very strange. It's a little like being married in general.

  Cornelius Plantinga

  Thanksgiving, Christian, Being Thankful

  Cornelius Plantinga (2001). “Beyond Doubt: Faith-Building Devotions on Questions Christians Ask”, p.52, Wm. B. Eerdmans Publishing

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• It was dramatic to watch my grandmother decapitate a turkey with an ax the day before Thanksgiving. Nowadays the expense of hiring grandmothers for the ax work would probably qualify all turkeys so honored with gourmet status.

  Russell Baker

  Food, Grandmother, Funny Thanksgiving

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• Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother's tasted better the day before.

  Rita Rudner

  Sarcastic, Mother, Sarcasm

  FaceBook post by Rita Rudner from Nov 13, 2012

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• Turkey: A large bird whose flesh, when eaten on certain religious anniversaries has the peculiar property of attesting piety and gratitude.

  Ambrose Bierce

  Thanksgiving, Gratitude, Religious

  Ambrose Bierce (2016). “The Devil's Dictionary: The Devil World”, p.226, 谷月社

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• Gluttony and surfeiting are no proper occasions for thanksgiving.

  Charles Lamb

  Thanksgiving, Gluttony, Occasions

  Charles Lamb (1867). “The essays of Elia. [Followed by] The last essays of Elia”, p.125

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• We have been the recipients of the choicest bounties of Heaven; we have been preserved these many years in peace and prosperity; we have grown in numbers, wealth, and power as no other nation has ever grown.

  Abraham Lincoln

  Thanksgiving, Peace, Years

  Abraham Lincoln (2008). “The Collected Works of Abraham Lincoln”, p.156, Wildside Press LLC

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• Pride slays thanksgiving, but a humble mind is the soil out of which thanks naturally grow. A proud man is seldom a grateful man, for he never thinks he gets as much as he deserves.

  Henry Ward Beecher

  Life, Thanksgiving, Gratitude

  henry ward beecher (1858). “life thoughts,”, p.115

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• Let us remember that, as much has been given us, much will be expected from us, and that true homage comes from the heart as well as from the lips, and shows itself in deeds.

  Theodore Roosevelt

  Thanksgiving, Gratitude, Grateful

  Theodore Roosevelt (2012). “Compilation of the Messages and Papers of the Presidents Section 2 (of 2) of Supplemental Volume: Theodore Roosevelt, Supplement”, p.91, tredition

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• I give thanks to my Creator for this wonderful life where each of us has the opportunity to learn lessons we could not fully comprehend by any other means.

  Joseph B. Wirthlin

  Thanksgiving, Mean, Opportunity

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• We can always find something to be thankful for, and there may be reasons why we ought to be thankful for even those dispensations which appear dark and frowning.

  Albert C. Barnes

  Thanksgiving, Thankful, Dark

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• Remember God's bounty in the year. String the pearls of His favor. Hide the dark parts, except so far as they are breaking out in light! Give this one day to thanks, to joy, to gratitude!

  Henry Ward Beecher

  Thanksgiving, Gratitude, Religious

  Henry Ward Beecher (1873). “The Sermons of Henry Ward Beecher in Plymouth Church, Brooklyn”, p.437

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• Thanksgiving is the day when you turn to another family member and say, 'How long has Mom been drinking like this?' My Mom, after six Bloody Marys looks at the turkey and goes, 'Here, kitty, kitty.'

  David Letterman

  Thanksgiving, Mom, Drinking

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• He who thanks but with the lips. Thanks but in part; the full, the true Thanksgiving. Comes from the heart.

  John G. Shedd

  Thanksgiving, Christian, Appreciation

  "The Yale Book of Quotations". Book by Fred R. Shapiro, p. 705, 2006.

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• The thankful heart will find, in every hour, some heavenly blessings.

  Henry Ward Beecher

  Thanksgiving, Gratitude, Heart

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• The unthankful heart... discovers no mercies; but let the thankful heart sweep through the day and, as the magnet finds the iron, so it will find, in every hour, some heavenly blessings!

  Henry Ward Beecher

  Thank You, Thanksgiving, Gratitude

  Henry Ward Beecher (1858). “Life Thoughts”, p.66

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• There is one day that is ours. Thanksgiving Day is the one day that is purely American.

  O. Henry

  Thanksgiving, One Day, Biscuits

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• God is glorified, not by our groans, but by our thanksgivings.

  Edwin Percy Whipple

  Thanksgiving, Thankful, Funny Thanksgiving

  Edwin Percy Whipple (1875). “Success and Its Conditions”, p.195

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• On Thanksgiving Day we acknowledge our dependence.

  William Jennings Bryan

  Thanksgiving, Funny Thanksgiving, Happy Thanksgiving

  William Jennings Bryan, Mary Baird Bryan (1909). “Speeches of William Jennings Bryan”

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• For each new morning with its light, For rest and shelter of the night, For health and food, for love and friends, For everything Thy goodness sends.

  Ralph Waldo Emerson

  Thanksgiving, Thankful, Gratitude

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• Oh. What if we eat a lot with people that annoy the hell out of us?

  Jim Gaffigan

  Thanksgiving, People, What If

  "Comedian Jim Gaffigan Shares How To Survive Holiday Political Debates". "All Things Considered" with Kelly McEvers, www.npr.org. November 23, 2016.

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• Gratitude can transform common days into thanksgivings, turn routine jobs into joy, and change ordinary opportunities into blessings.” —

  William Arthur Ward

  Thanksgiving, Thankful, Gratitude

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• Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America's obesity statistics. Personally, I love Thanksgiving traditions: watching football, making pumpkin pie, and saying the magic phrase that sends your aunt storming out of the dining room to sit in her car.

  Stephen Colbert

  Football, Country, Aunt

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