Sarcasm Quotes - Page 20

• And sometimes, if I was really, really lucky, he’d smile at me. A real smile, too—not the dry one that accompanied the sarcasm we tossed around so often. I didn’t want to admit it to anyone—not to Lissa, not even to myself—but some days, I lived for those smiles.

  Richelle Mead

  Real, Lucky, Dry

  Richelle Mead (2013). “Vampire Academy: The Complete Collection”, p.79, Penguin

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• This looks like one of those unwelcome social summonses which call upon a man either to be bored or to lie.

  Arthur Conan Doyle

  Lying, Humorous, Men

  Arthur Conan Doyle, Scott McKowen (2004). “The Adventures and the Memoirs of Sherlock Holmes”, p.230, Sterling Publishing Company, Inc.

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• People love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can't do math. And they will readily admit to being awkward: 'I'm such a klutz!' But they will never admit to having a poor sense of humor or being a bad driver.

  George Carlin

  Funny, Math, People

  George Carlin (2015). “3 x Carlin: An Orgy of George including Brain Droppings, Napalm and Silly Putty, and When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?”, p.191, Hachette UK

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• I'd better get going or Valek will be wondering where I am." "Yes, by all means go. I noticed you and Valek have become close. Tell him, for me, not to kill anybody, will you?" Sarcasm rendered Rand's voice sharp. I lost control and slammed the oven door shut. It echoed in the quiet kitchen. "At least Valek has the decency to inform me when he's poisoning me.

  Maria V. Snyder

  Mean, Doors, Voice

  Maria V. Snyder (2012). “Poison Study”, p.209, Harlequin

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• This is what happened in love. One of you cried a lot and then both of you grew sarcastic.

  Lorrie Moore

  Relationship, Sarcastic, Love Sick

  FaceBook post by Lorrie Moore from May 16, 2012

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• People want to know why I do this, why I write such gross stuff. I like to tell them I have the heart of a small boy... and I keep it in a jar on my desk.

  Stephen King

  Writing, Heart, Boys

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• Electricity is really just organized lightning.

  George Carlin

  Funny, Sarcastic, Lightning

  George Carlin (2002). “Napalm & Silly Putty”, Hyperion

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• My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.

  Ellen DeGeneres

  Funny, Life, Birthday

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

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• Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Life, Sarcastic, Travel

  "Jerry Seinfeld: 'I'm Telling You for the Last Time'". Documentary, Comedy, 1998.

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• The direct use of force is such a poor solution to any problem, it is generally employed only by small children and large nations.

  David Friedman

  Funny, Peace, Children

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• We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.

  Vince Lombardi

  Sarcastic, Sports, Football

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• Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

  Mark Twain

  Funny, Sarcastic, Witty

  Mark Twain (2014). “Mark Twain on Common Sense: Timeless Advice and Words of Wisdom from America's Most-Revered Humorist”, p.40, Skyhorse Publishing, Inc.

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• Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand.

  Kurt Vonnegut

  Funny, Sarcastic, Witty

  Kurt Vonnegut (2016). “If This Isn't Nice What Is? (Much) Expanded Second Edition: The Graduation Speeches and Other Words to Live By”, p.131, RosettaBooks

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• Democracy is a device that insures we shall be governed no better than we deserve.

  George Bernard Shaw

  Freedom, Political, Democracy

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• All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others.

  George Orwell

  Funny, Sarcastic, Animal

  Animal Farm ch. 10 (1945) See Bierce 141

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• Action speaks louder than words but not nearly as often.

  Mark Twain

  Inspirational, Success, Sarcastic

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• Happiness is good health and a bad memory.

  Ingrid Bergman

  Positive, Birthday, Happiness

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.

  John F. Kennedy

  Funny, Forgiveness, Witty

  John F. Kennedy, Dominique Enright (2003). “The Wicked Wit of John F. Kennedy”, Michael O'Mara Books

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• If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.

  Aristotle Onassis

  Funny Love, Witty, Money

  Quoted in Barbara Rowes, The Book of Quotes (1979)

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