Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody, and they meet at the bar.
I think a man ought to get drunk at least twice a year just on principle, so he won't let himself get snotty about it.
I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
I'm not a heavy drinker, I can sometimes go for hours without touching a drop.
I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore always carry a small snake.
First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.
If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer.
Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss.
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
Health - what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
Drinking beer doesn't make you fat, it makes you lean...Against bars, tables, chairs, and poles.
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.
I feel sorry for people who do not have a Bible to lean on.
When you stop drinking, you have to deal with this marvelous personality that started you drinking in the first place.
Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered.
Man, being reasonable, must get drunk; the best of life is but intoxication.
Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with that it's compounding a felony.
He that drinks fast, pays slow. Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. There can't be good living where there is not good drinking.
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
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