Clement Freud Quotes

• If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer.

  Clement Freud

  Funny, Witty, Giving Up

  Quoted in Observer (London), 27 Dec. 1964.

  23 Copy quote

• If anyone tells me I'm fat, I say, - That's because every time I make love to your wife, she gives me a biscuit

  Clement Freud

  Giving, Wife, Making Love

  "I find chat shows hard work these days. It was so different when Ustinov and Niven were weaving their magic on Parky" by Maureen Lipman, www.theguardian.com. September 3, 2006.

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• About one thing the Englishman has a particularly strict code. If a bird says Cluk bik bik bik bik and caw you may kill it, eat it or ask Fortnums to pickle it in Napoleon brandy with wild strawberries. If it says tweet it is a dear and precious friend and you'd better lay off it if you want to remain a member of Boodles.

  Clement Freud

  Bird, Insulting, May

  14 Copy quote

• In moments of considerable strain, I tend to take to bread-and-butter pudding. There is something about the blandness of soggy bread, the crispness of the golden outer crust and the unadulterated pleasure of a lightly set custard that makes the world seem a better place to live.

  Clement Freud

  Food, World, Golden

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• Owning a racehorse is probably the most expensive way of getting on to a racecourse for nothing.

  Clement Freud

  Racing, Way, Racehorses

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• It is essential that we understand people for who they are as individuals and not the public perception of them or their family and past.

  Clement Freud

  Past, People, Perception

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• The depressing thing about an Englishman's traditional love of animals is the dishonesty thereof ... Get a barbed hook into the upper lip of a salmon, drag him endlessly around the water until he loses his strength, pull him to the bank, hit him on the head with a stone, and you may well become fisherman of the year. Shoot.the salmon and you'll never be asked again.

  Clement Freud

  Depressing, Animal, Years

  11 Copy quote

• I've known Nicholas Parsons for a fairly long time and his geniune pleasures are in rubber tubes, metal clips

  Clement Freud

  Long, Rubber, Pleasure

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• To barbecue is a way of life rather than a desirable method of cooking.

  Clement Freud

  Food, Cooking, Way

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• Wine buffs write and talk as though the food and wine will be in your mouth at the same time, that one is there to be poured over the other. This is bullshit. Gustatory enjoyment comes from food and wine and cigars of your liking. So far no one has said that a Monte Cristo is the only cigar to smoke after Armagnac, Romeo and Juliet after Calvados ... but the time may yet come.

  Clement Freud

  Writing, Wine, Bullshit

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• I think our police are excellent, probably because I have not done anything that has occasioned being beaten up by these good men.

  Clement Freud

  Men, Thinking, Police

  8 Copy quote

• If you mind losing more than you enjoy winning, don't bet.

  Clement Freud

  Winning, Gambling, Mind

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• There's no law that decrees when not to whinge, but you reach a certain age - 80 seems about right - when you're expected to manifest querulousness - the coffee's too hot, the boiled egg's too soft.

  Clement Freud

  Coffee, Eggs, Law

  8 Copy quote

• I was going to talk about Nicholas Parsons' ignorance, but 18 seconds would be a wholly insufficient time.

  Clement Freud

  Ignorance, Would Be, Insufficient

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• Breakfast is a notoriously difficult meal to serve with a flourish.

  Clement Freud

  Food, Meals, Breakfast

  27 Copy quote

• I find it hard to say, because when I was there it seemed to be shut.

  Clement Freud

  Hard, New Zealand

  6 Copy quote

• I understand it is 13-8 against Egon Ronay publishing a Good Betting Shop Food Guide by 1997.

  Clement Freud

  Gambling, Guides, Shops

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• Congealed fat is pretty much the same, irrespective of the delicacy around which it is concealed.

  Clement Freud

  Delicacy, Fats, Concealed

  7 Copy quote

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