Funny Single Valentines Day Quotes

• Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!

  Jay Leno

  Funny, Romantic, Valentines Day

  99 Copy quote

• If you have only one smile in you give it to the people you love.

  Maya Angelou

  Inspirational, Life, Smile

  Maya Angelou (2012). “The Collected Autobiographies of Maya Angelou”, p.424, Modern Library

  94 Copy quote

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• If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you.

  A. A. Milne

  Love, Friendship, Birthday

  "Winnie-the-Pooh: The House at Pooh Corner". Book by A. A. Milne, 1928.

  146 Copy quote

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• Love is a game that two can play and both win.

  Eva Gabor

  Love, Valentines Day, Fun

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

  66 Copy quote

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• True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked.

  Erich Segal

  Love, Inspiring, Valentines Day

  88 Copy quote

• What the world really needs is more love and less paper work.

  Pearl Bailey

  Love, Romantic, Valentines Day

  "Weekly World News" Magazine, Vol. 26, No. 33, April 25, 2005.

  59 Copy quote

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• Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

  Groucho Marx

  Love, Funny, Witty

  153 Copy quote

• Men have died from time to time, and worms have eaten them, but not for love.

  William Shakespeare

  Love, Funny Valentines Day, Men

  William Shakespeare (1998). “As You Like It”, p.57, Courier Corporation

  39 Copy quote

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• Being single used to mean that nobody wanted you. Now it means you're pretty sexy and you're taking your time deciding how you want your life to be and who you want to spend it with.

  Sarah Jessica Parker

  Single, Sexy, Mean

  64 Copy quote

• Valentine's Day: the holiday that reminds you that if you don't have a special someone, you're alone.

  Lewis Black

  Funny Valentines Day, Holiday, Special

  12 Copy quote

• All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.

  Charles M. Schulz

  Love, Funny, Valentines Day

  272 Copy quote

• Love is only a dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species.

  W. Somerset Maugham

  Love, Sarcastic, Depressing

  83 Copy quote

• A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.

  Ingrid Bergman

  Love, Valentines Day, Nature

  "An Uncommon Scold". Book by Abby Adams, 1989.

  43 Copy quote

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• Valentine's Day money-saving tip: Break up on February 13th, get back together on the 15th.

  David Letterman

  Valentines Day, Together, Beets

  21 Copy quote

• I'm single because I was born that way.

  Mae West

  Sarcastic, Witty, Freedom

  Mae West (1967). “The wit and wisdom of Mae West”

  33 Copy quote

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• Being single is pretty good. It's a nice sense of irresponsibility.

  Michael Douglas

  Single, Nice, Happy Valentines Day

  44 Copy quote

• I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.

  Dorothy Parker

  Marriage, Wedding, Stupid

  Dorothy Parker, Stuart Y. Silverstein (2009). “Not Much Fun: The Lost Poems of Dorothy Parker”, p.19, Simon and Schuster

  106 Copy quote

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• The poor wish to be rich, the rich wish to be happy, the single wish to be married, and the married wish to be dead.

  Ann Landers

  Being Happy, Funny Inspirational, Funny Valentines Day

  51 Copy quote

• Happy Valentine's Day! And if this is news to you, my guess is you're probably alone. Valentine's Day is often times a, well, it's a manufactured day that really doesn't mean anything.

  Jon Stewart

  Funny, Valentine, Mean

  18 Copy quote

• For the taxable investor, indexing means never having to say you're sorry.

  William J. Bernstein

  Love, Movie, Romantic

  26 Copy quote

• Kisses are a better fate than wisdom.

  e. e. cummings

  Romantic, Valentines Day, Fate

  E. E. Cummings (1996). “Is 5”, p.77, W. W. Norton & Company

  39 Copy quote

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• Like I've always said, love wouldn't be blind if the braille weren't so damned much fun.

  Armistead Maupin

  Valentines Day, Fun, Valentine's Day

  Armistead Maupin (1992). “Maybe the moon: a novel”, HarperCollins Publishers

  86 Copy quote

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• No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy.

  Henry A. Kissinger

  Love, Funny, Leadership

  42 Copy quote

• You cannot be with someone just because you don’t want to hurt him. You have your own happiness to think about.

  Melissa de la Cruz

  Happiness, Hurt, Thinking

  Melissa de la Cruz (2010). “The Van Alen Legacy: Number 4 in series”, p.148, Hachette UK

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• Vasectomy means never having to say you're sorry.

  Larry Adler

  Love, Movie, Romantic

  Larry Adler, Philip Judge (1994). “Me and My Big Mouth”, Blake Pub

  42 Copy quote

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