Funny Sex Quotes - Page 2

• For women, the best aphrodisiacs are words. The G-spot is in the ears. He who looks for it below there is wasting his time.

  Isabel Allende

  Love, Inspirational, Life

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• Familiarity breeds contempt - and children.

  Mark Twain

  Funny, Sarcastic, Sex

  Notebook, 1894

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• Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Sexy, Sex And Love

  11 Copy quote

• An intellectual is a person who's found one thing that's more interesting than sex.

  Aldous Huxley

  Education, Wisdom, Witty

  96 Copy quote

• Seems to me the basic conflict between men and women, sexually, is that men are like firemen. To men, sex is an emergency, and no matter what we're doing we can be ready in two minutes. Women, on the other hand, are like fire. They're very exciting, but the conditions have to be exactly right for it to occur.

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Sex, Funny Relationship, Men

  9 Copy quote

• It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who.

  Joan Rivers

  Love, Life, Sexy

  62 Copy quote

• I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Witty, Sex

  25 Copy quote

• A promiscuous person is a person who is getting more sex than you are.

  Victor Lownes

  Witty, Sex, Persons

  54 Copy quote

• Sex is God's joke on human beings.

  Bette Davis

  Love, Life, Sexy

  Bette Davis (2017). “This 'n That”, p.43, Hachette UK

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• During sex I fantasize that I'm someone else.

  Richard Lewis

  Funny, Sex, Humor

  7 Copy quote

• There is nothing wrong with going to bed with someone of your own sex. People should be very free with sex, they should draw the line at goats.

  Elton John

  Sex, Gay, People

  89 Copy quote

• I'm all for bringing back the birch, but only between consenting adults.

  Gore Vidal

  Witty, Sex, Adults

  Quoted in Sunday Times Magazine, 16 Sept. 1973

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• Older women are best because they always think they may be doing it for the last time.

  Ian Fleming

  Sex, Thinking, May

  Quoted in John Pearson, The Life of Ian Fleming (1966)

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• What I like about masturbation is that you don't have to talk afterwards.

  Milos Forman

  Sex, Masturbation, Having Sex

  17 Copy quote

• The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.

  Gloria Leonard

  Witty, Sex, Humorous

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  54 Copy quote

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• 

  To succeed with the opposite sex, tell her you're impotent. She can't wait to disprove it.

  Cary Grant

  Relationship, Money, Sex

  104 Copy quote

• Vanity, revenge, loneliness, boredom, all apply: lust is one of the least of the reasons for promiscuity.

  Mignon McLaughlin

  Witty, Sex, Revenge

  Mignon McLaughlin (2014). “Aperçus: The Aphorisms of Mignon McLaughlin”, p.111, BookBaby

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• There are three possible parts to a date, of which at least two must be offered: entertainment, food, and affection. It is customary to begin a series of dates with a great deal of entertainment, a moderate amount of food, and the merest suggestion of affection. As the amount of affection increases, the entertainment can be reduced proportionately. When the affection IS the entertainment, we no longer call it dating. Under no circumstances can the food be omitted.

  Judith Martin

  Love, Inspirational, Witty

  Judith Martin (1982). “Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior”, Scribner

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• Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.

  Saint Augustine

  Funny, Witty, Philosophical

  Confessions bk. 8, ch. 7 (397 - 398)

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• I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.

  Steve Martin

  Love, Funny, Beautiful

  41 Copy quote

• Family is the most important thing in the world.

  Princess Diana

  Inspirational, Family, Money

  118 Copy quote

• Were kisses all the joys in bed,
  One woman would another wed.

  William Shakespeare

  Funny, Witty, Sex

  William Shakespeare (1841). “The Poems of Willm Shakspere”, p.142

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• I don't need a bedroom to prove my womanliness. I can convey just as much sex appeal picking apples off a tree or standing in the rain.

  Audrey Hepburn

  Sex, Rain, Apples

  26 Copy quote

• For the first time in history, sex is more dangerous than the cigarette afterward.

  Jay Leno

  Sex, Cigarette Smoke, Smoking

  11 Copy quote

• The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest.

  Roseanne Barr

  Marriage, Sex, Food

  13 Copy quote