Funny Sex Quotes - Page 3

• The good thing about masturbation is that you don't have to get dressed up for it.

  Truman Capote

  Witty, Sex, Good Things

  25 Copy quote

• Sex on Twitter can't hurt you - unless you fall off.

  Woody Allen

  Anniversary, Hurt, Sex

  13 Copy quote

• I've tried several varieties of sex. The conventional position makes me claustrophobic, and the others either give me a stiff neck or lockjaw.

  Tallulah Bankhead

  Funny, Sex, Giving

  95 Copy quote
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  Sex: the thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.

  John Barrymore

  Relationship, Sexy, Witty

  237 Copy quote

• Masturbation: the primary sexual activity of mankind. In the nineteenth century it was a disease; in the twentieth, it's a cure.

  Thomas Szasz

  Sex, Disease, Masturbation

  The Second Sin (1973) "Sex"

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• My reaction to porno films is as follows: After the first ten minutes, I want to go home and screw. After the first twenty minutes, I never want to screw again as long as I live.

  Erica Jong

  Sex, Home, Long

  11 Copy quote

• I regret to say that we of the FBI are powerless to act in cases of oral-genital intimacy, unless it has in some way obstructed interstate commerce.

  J. Edgar Hoover

  Witty, Sex, Regret

  Quoted in the NewYork Times, 6 Oct 1980.

  34 Copy quote

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• Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

  Murray Banks

  Sex, Adults, Adultery

  16 Copy quote

• Pornography is supposed to arouse sexual desires. If pornography is a crime, when will they arrest makers of perfume?

  Richard Fleischer

  Sex, Desire, Crime

  51 Copy quote

• Being popular is the most important thing in the world!

  Homer

  Family, Money, World And Love

  28 Copy quote

• My first time I jacked off, I thought I'd invented it. I looked down at my sloppy handful of junk and thought, This is going to make me rich.

  Chuck Palahniuk

  Sex, Teenager, Funny Relationship

  Chuck Palahniuk (2001). “Choke: A Novel”, Anchor Books

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• The way to a man's heart is through his hanky pocket with a breadknife.

  Jo Brand

  Sex, Food, Heart

  10 Copy quote

• Why should we take advice on sex from the pope? If he knows anything about it, he shouldn't!

  George Bernard Shaw

  Love, Life, Sex

  13 Copy quote

• Men are those creatures with two legs and eight hands.

  Jayne Mansfield

  Witty, Sex, Men

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• A student undergoing a word association test was asked why a snowstorm put him in mind of sex. He replied frankly: "Because everything does."

  Honor Tracy

  Sex, Mind, Doe

  12 Copy quote

• Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me ... that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love.

  Butch Hancock

  Sex, Texas, Awful

  8 Copy quote

• The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.

  Fanny Fern

  Sex, Food, Heart

  Fanny Fern (1986). “Ruth Hall and Other Writings”, p.32, Rutgers University Press

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• Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?

  Rita Rudner

  Love, Funny, Life

  24 Copy quote

• Graze on my lips; and if those hills be dry, stray lower, where the pleasant fountains lie.

  William Shakespeare

  Funny, Sexy, Lying

  William Shakespeare (2006). “The Poems: Venus and Adonis, The Rape of Lucrece, The Phoenix and the Turtle, The Passionate Pilgrim, A Lover's Complaint”, p.100, Cambridge University Press

  52 Copy quote

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• Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.

  Woody Allen

  Funny, Anniversary, Sex

  "I give up" by Emily Wilson, www.theguardian.com. August 5, 2003.

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• Pornography is literature designed to be read with one hand.

  Angela Lambert

  Witty, Sex, Hands

  14 Copy quote

• Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the kids should be given homework.

  Bill Cosby

  Education, Sex, Believe

  102 Copy quote

• Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man.

  Mignon McLaughlin

  Sex, Men, Average

  Mignon McLaughlin (2014). “Aperçus: The Aphorisms of Mignon McLaughlin”, p.44, BookBaby

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• I know nothing about sex, because I was always married.

  Zsa Zsa Gabor

  Sexy, Anti Valentines Day, Married

  35 Copy quote

• Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

  Woody Allen

  Funny, Hilarious, Sexy

  Quoted in N.Y. Times, 1 Dec. 1975

  45 Copy quote

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