Funny Dating Quotes

• Dating is pressure and tension. What is a date, really, but a job interview that lasts all night?

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Inspirational, Motivational, Jobs

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  If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married.

  Katharine Hepburn

  Marriage, Funny Love, Wedding

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs. This is the principle behind lotteries, dating, and religion.

  Scott Adams

  Dating, Religion, Principles

  Scott Adams (1996). “The Dilbert principle: a cubicle's-eye view of bosses, meetings, management fads & other workplace afflictions”

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• A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Girl, Home

  62 Copy quote

• Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

  Woody Allen

  Funny, Hilarious, Sexy

  Quoted in N.Y. Times, 1 Dec. 1975

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• I was dating this guy and we would spend all day text messaging each other. And he thought that he could tell that he liked me more because he actually spelt the word 'YOU' and I just put the letter 'U'.

  Kelly Osbourne

  Dating, Guy, Letters

  8 Copy quote

• My philosophy of dating is to just fart right away.

  Jenny McCarthy

  Women, Philosophy, Dating

  30 Copy quote

• I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.

  Wendy Liebman

  Funny, Dog, Witty

  68 Copy quote

• I am a strong believer in kissing
  being very intimate, and the minute you kiss, the floodgates
  open for everything else.

  Jennifer Lopez

  Strong, Kissing, Dating

  "Magazine Displays a Touch of J. Lolita" by George Rush, Joanna Molloy, Lola Ogunnaike, and Kasia Anderson, www.nydailynews.com. August 10, 2001.

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• Dating is different when you get older. You're not as trusting, or as eager to get back out there and expose yourself to someone.

  Toni Braxton

  Dating, Different, Get Back

  "Toni Braxton Talks New Movie Role". Interview with S. Tia Brown, www.ebony.com. July 26, 2012.

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• Watching your daughter being collected by her date feels like handing over a million dollar Stradivarius to a gorilla.

  Jim Bishop

  Daughter, Dad, Being Single

  93 Copy quote

• If you kiss on the first date and it's not right, then there will be no second date. Sometimes it's better to hold out and not kiss for a long time. I am a strong believer in kissing being very intimate, and the minute you kiss, the floodgates open for everything else.

  Jennifer Lopez

  Strong, First Love, Kissing

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

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• I don't know the first real thing about the dating game. I don't know how to talk to a specific person and connect. I just think you have to go to person by person and do the best you can with people in general.

  Jason Schwartzman

  Real, Thinking, Games

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• I'm dating a woman now who, evidently, is unaware of it.

  Garry Shandling

  Valentines Day, Single, Funny Love

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  I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.

  Mitch Hedberg

  Funny, Girlfriend, Mad

  31 Copy quote

• No man should marry until he has studied anatomy and dissected at least one woman.

  Honore de Balzac

  Funny, Marriage, Witty

  No man should marry until he has studied anatomy and dissected at least one woman. The Physiology of Marriage Meditation V, Aphorism 28

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• We are constantly protecting the male ego, and it's a disservice to men. If a man has any sensitivity or intelligence, he wants to get the straight scoop from his girlfriend.

  Betty Dodson

  Girlfriend, Men, Dating

  65 Copy quote

• I think more dating stuff is scheduling. It's needing people who understand your work schedule.

  Jennifer Love Hewitt

  Thinking, Dating, People

  8 Copy quote

• Save a boyfriend for a rainy day - and another, in case it doesn't rain.

  Mae West

  Relationship, Boyfriend, Rain

  40 Copy quote

• Employees make the best dates. You don't have to pick them up and they're always tax-deductible.

  Andy Warhol

  Business, Dating, Employee

  Andy Warhol, Bob Colacello (1979). “Andy Warhol's exposures”

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• My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.

  Rita Rudner

  Boyfriend, Marriage, Breakup

  21 Copy quote

• If a girl breaks up with me, I want her to just die, just be dead. Not 'cause I hate her so much as it's just easier for when my friends go, 'Hey, what happened?' 'Oh, she's dead. I'd still be with her, but she's dead. What can I do? She was loving me, but she's dead.'

  Adam Sandler

  Girl, Hate, Dating

  4 Copy quote

• I pulled the boy close to me and said you see that girl, thats my only lil girl. So if you think about huggin or kissin. Remember these words. I aint afraid to go back to prison.

  Bill Engvall

  Funny, Girl, Humor

  FaceBook post by Bill Engvall from Jan 23, 2013

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• I sincerely want to meet the girl that was meant for me, but I want to sleep with the girls that weren't.

  Adam Ferrara

  Funny, Girl, Humor

  4 Copy quote

• I remember the first date I ever went out on. It was in high school. Her name was Marguerite. She was kind of a heavyset girl... I took her out on one date. We went out for dinner and a movie and a dinner.

  Kevin Nealon

  Girl, School, Names

  7 Copy quote