Funeral Quotes - Page 21

• I never go to weddings. Waste of time. Person can get married a dozen times. Lots of folks do. Family like ours, know everybody in the state of Texas and around outside, why, you could spend your life going to weddings. But a funeral, that's different. You only die once.

  Edna Ferber

  Texas, Different, Dozen

  Edna Ferber (1952). “Giant”

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• Relax, Medea. We’ve come to see your mother. (Tory) Your funeral. (Medea) It’s always so good to see you, too. You’re just such a ray of happy sunshine. I so look forward to all our interactions. (Tory)

  Sherrilyn Kenyon

  Mother, Sunshine, Relax

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• My mum passing away wasn't funny, but that funeral and what I went through, the things that happened, looking back at it, there were funny moments. You have to be strong enough to look back at it, to sit and assess the situation.

  Kevin Hart

  Strong, Passing Away, Looks

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• Some other memories of the funeral have stuck in my mind. The old boy’s face, for instance, when he caught up with us for the last time, just outside the village. His eyes were streaming with tears, of exhaustion or distress, or both together. But because of the wrinkles they couldn’t flow down. They spread out, crisscrossed, and formed a smooth gloss on the old, worn face.

  Albert Camus

  Memories, Eye, Boys

  ALBERT CAMUS (1942). “THE Stranger”

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• You owe me!" -Stephanie "Why do I owe you?" -Joe "I caught your no good cousin." -Stephanie "Yeah and in the process you burned down a funeral home, and damaged thousands of dollars of government property." -Joe "Well if you are going to be picky about it...." -Stephanie

  Janet Evanovich

  Cousin, Home, Government

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• I don't suppose I can wear the flamingo tie," he said as he pulled on black socks. "It's a bit festive, given the occasion," I responded. "Can't wear it to the opera," said the Colonel, almost smiling. "Can't wear it to a funeral. Can't use it to hang myself. It's a bit useless, as ties go." I gave him a tie.

  John Green

  Ties, Black, Use

  John Green (2015). “Looking For Alaska Special 10th Anniversary Edition”, p.113, Penguin

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• An adopted son shall never take the family, name and the estate of his natural father, the funeral cake follows the family, name and the estate, the funeral offerings of him who gives ,his son in adoption cease, as far as that son is concerned.

  Guru Nanak

  Father, Son, Cake

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• Beside him a tiny elderly woman was leaning on a cane, studying him with curiosity. Since good manners seemed to require that he speak to her, Jon cast about for some sort of polite conversation pertinent to the occasion. “I hate funerals, don’t you?” He said. “I rather like them,” she said smugly. “At my age, I regard each funeral I attend as a personal triumph, because I was not the guest of honor.

  Judith McNaught

  Hate, Elderly, Honor

  Judith McNaught (2003). “Paradise”, p.52, Simon and Schuster

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• I’m the god of funerals. I know every death custom in the world—how to die properly, how to prepare the body and soul for the afterlife. I live for death.” “You must be fun at parties,” I said.

  Rick Riordan

  Fun, Party, Afterlife

  Rick Riordan (2010). “The Red Pyramid (The Kane Chronicles Book 1): The Red Pyramid”, p.283, Penguin UK

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• She folded her arms and then shouted, "Right you thieving scunners! How dare you steal Miss Treason's funeral meats!" "Oh, waily, waily, it's the foldin' o' the arms, the foooldin' o' the aaaarmss!" cried Daft Wullie, dropping to the ground and trying to cover himself with leaves. Around him Feegles started to wail and cower and Big Yan began to bang his head on the rear wall of the dairy.

  Terry Pratchett

  Wall, Missing, Trying

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• When you're at a funeral and you're crying, you're crying for yourself

  Thomas S. Monson

  Grief, Grieving, Cry

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• Bill Clinton is the only ex-president who hasn't planned his own funeral. But, in his defense, in the past he has said he wants to be buried next to Hillary. I guess he figures he never slept next to her when they were alive, might as well try it now that they're dead.

  Jay Leno

  Past, Trying, President

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• Crowned with leaves of the laurel. In England the Poet Laureate is an officer of the sovereign's court, acting as dancing skeleton at every royal feast and singing-mute at every royal funeral.

  Ambrose Bierce

  Skeletons, Dancing, Singing

  Ambrose Bierce (2013). “Delphi Complete Works of Ambrose Bierce (Illustrated)”, p.2445, Delphi Classics

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• Mama and I would go to a funeral and she'd stand up to read the dead person's eulogy. She made the ignorant and ugly sound like scholars and movie stars, turned the mean and evil into saints and angels. She knew what people had meant to be in their hearts, not what the world had forced them to become. She knew the ways in which working too hard for paltry wages could turn you mean and cold, could kill the thing that made you laugh.

  Henry Louis Gates

  Stars, Mean, Angel

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• Some men go a lifetime and never have their kid blow up a car, but I have a daughter who's knocked off three cars and burned down a funeral home. Maybe that's some kind of record.

  Janet Evanovich

  Daughter, Home, Kids

  Janet Evanovich (2007). “More Plums in One: Four to Score, High Five, and Hot Six”, p.104, Macmillan

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• It's crazy because people expect you to be funny all the time and every day is not a funny day. I go to funerals and people are like 'tell a joke' and 'say one of your lines in a movie.' It's a funeral, man!

  Chris Tucker

  Crazy, Men, People

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• Whenever I can’t sleep, I like to lie in the darkness and pretend I’ve been assassinated. I’ve found this is the best way to get comfortable. I imagine I’m in the coffin at my funeral, and people from my past are walking by my corpse and making comments about my demise.

  Chuck Klosterman

  Lying, Sleep, Past

  Chuck Klosterman (2013). “Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs”, p.199, Faber & Faber

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• Please be SILENT and LISTEN. I am the SCHOOLMASTER and you are in the CLASSROOM. Just like ELEVEN PLUS TWO equals TWELVE PLUS ONE, And even a FUNERAL can be REAL FUN, You will find my DICTIONARY is quite INDICATORY. If you want to read my story, just look... THEN UNREAD.

  Pseudonymous Bosch

  Fun, Real, Two

  Pseudonymous Bosch (2011). “The Name of this Book is Secret: The Secret Series”, p.54, Usborne Publishing Ltd

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• A recent survey stated that the average person's greatest fear is having to give a speech in public. Somehow this ranked even higher than death which was third on the list. So, you're telling me that at a funeral, most people would rather be the guy in the coffin than have to stand up and give a eulogy.

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Greatest Fear, Average, People

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• They all broke the rules. They all crossed into forbidden territory. They all tampered with the laws that lay down who should be loved and how. And how much. The laws that make grandmothers grandmothers, uncles uncles, mothers mothers, cousins cousins, jam jam, and jelly jelly. It was a time when uncles became fathers, mothers lovers, and cousins died and had funerals. It was a time when the unthinkable became thinkable and the impossible really happened.

  Arundhati Roy

  Mother, Cousin, Uncles

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• He had been bored, that's all, bored like most people. Hence he had made himself out of whole cloth a life full of complications and drama. Something must happen - and that explains most human commitments. Something must happen, even loveless slavery, even war or death. Hurray then for funerals!

  Albert Camus

  War, Drama, Commitment

  Albert Camus (2012). “The Fall”, p.37, Vintage

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• Sometimes funerals can be good. It reunites you with your cousins you haven't seen in a while.

  David Burtka

  Cousin, Sometimes, Be Good

  Twitter post from Apr 26, 2014

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• 50 Cent is a hero to me because he's overcome so many things. He's been shot nine times and lived. I had a cousin got shot once in the ankle. Dead. I had to go to the funeral. I was mad. Man, you ain't hard! You ain't hard!

  Bill Bellamy

  Cousin, Hero, Men

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• My girlfriend is despicable. I just found out she flirted with my brother, during my mom's funeral, while I was asleep.

  Anthony Jeselnik

  Mom, Girlfriend, Brother

  Twitter post from Sep 25, 2010

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• Come now, don't make such a funeral face. It isn't dying that's sad; it's living when you're not happy.

  Octave Mirbeau

  Dying, Faces, Not Happy

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