Funeral Quotes - Page 22

• My father? A hard drinking man from the 70's. We actually have no pictures of my dad where he is not holding a beer. Weddings, Funerals, Water Skiing, Parent-Teacher Conference. When I got sick around him as a kid growing up, he'd always warm me up a shot of 100 proof whiskey. Never got sick... that I can remember.

  Christopher Titus

  Teacher, Growing Up, Dad

  "Christopher Titus: Norman Rockwell Is Bleeding". Comedy, One-man Show, www.imdb.com. June 06, 2004.

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• I hope you die.... P.S. If you do die, I'm going to go to the funeral and finger your corpse.

  Michael Ian Black

  Fingers, Corpses, Dies

  Michael Ian Black (2008). “My Custom Van: And 50 Other Mind-Blowing Essays that Will Blow Your Mind All Over Your Face”, p.101, Simon and Schuster

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• If you're dressed for my funeral, it's too casual. If it's just street clothes, then you must be scaring the tourists.

  Laurell K. Hamilton

  Clothes, Tourists, Casual

  Laurell K. Hamilton (2002). “Obsidian Butterfly: An Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter Novel”, p.318, Penguin

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• I think you should live your life so that the maximum number of people will attend your funeral.

  Scott Adams

  Death, Suicide, Thinking

  Scott Adams (2007). “Stick to Drawing Comics, Monkey Brain!: Cartoonist Explains Cloning, Blouse Monsters, Voting Machines, Romance, Monkey G ods, How to Avoid Being Mistaken for a Rodent, and More”, p.445, Penguin

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• There's nothing that makes me laugh more than being in the situation where you're not supposed to laugh. Funerals. People crying. Breaking down. Telling you their life. I'm the worst. I'm the worst at that.

  Tom Waits

  People, Laughing, Cry

  Source: blankonblank.org

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• We spend our years with sighing; it is a valleyof tears; but death is the funeral of all our sorrows.

  Thomas Watson

  Death, Christian, Blessing

  Thomas Watson (1838). “A body of practical divinity, consisting of above one hundred seventy six sermons on the lesser catechism composed by the reverend assembly of divines at Westminster: with a suppl. of some sermons on several texts of Scripture”, p.268

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  John Towner Williams

  Needs, May

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• People don't understand that all presidents, the minute they become president, get a knock at the door. And there's a man there saying, 'Let's talk about your funeral.' At the time I thought, God, that's a terrible thing. Later on, I thought it was pretty wise.

  Nancy Reagan

  Wise, Men, Doors

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• I think you should control yourself a little bit, so you can walk, and when you die, you can walk to your own funeral.

  Debbie Reynolds

  Thinking, Littles, Should

  Source: grigwaretalkstheatre.blogspot.com

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• If God hath made this world so fair,
  Where sin and death abound,
  How beautiful beyond compare
  Will paradise be found!

  James Montgomery

  Inspirational, Beautiful, Courage

  Samuel Rogers, Thomas Campbell, James Montgomery, Charles Lamb, Henry Kirke White (1830). “The poetical works of Rogers, Campbell, J. Montgomery, Lamb, and Kirke White: complete in one volume”, p.337

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• We make mistakes, we have our faults, and God knows some of us have more than our share, but when danger threatens and duty calls, we go smiling to our own funeral.

  James Larkin

  Smile, Mistake, Faults

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• The government are considering spending £3million on a state funeral for Margaret Thatcher when she dies. For £3million they could buy everyone in Scotland a shovel, and we'll dig a hole deep enough to deliver her to Satan ourselves.

  Frankie Boyle

  Funny, Humor, Scotland

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• The wheel of Time wrote the first half of the poetry of mass destruction on the black board of the ashes of a funeral ground by dint of a pair of pens of nuclear bombs.

  Manmohan Acharya

  Mass Destruction, Black, Boards

  "Gita Milindam (Song of the Bumblebee)". Book by Manmohan Acharya, July 12, 2010.

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• Realizing that life is precious the natural tendency is to trample on it, like laughing at a funeral.

  Lester Bangs

  Laughing, Life Is Precious, Realizing

  "Psychotic Reactions and Carburetor Dung" by Lester Bangs, edited by Greil Marcus, Random House/Vintage Books, (p. 222), 1988.

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• On the left is the realist tradition of the 19th century, with its impulse to social description, radical criticism and meditation on things as they are... culminating in Courbet at his mightiest (The Studio, The Funeral at Ornans and a portrait of a trout that has more death in it than Rubens could get in a whole Crucifixion).

  Gustave Courbet

  Meditation, Criticism, Portraits

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• I will teach you my townspeople how to perform a funeral for you have it over a troop of artists unless one should scour the world you have the ground sense necessary.

  William Carlos Williams

  Artist, World, Should

  'Tract'

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• Never joke at funerals, or during business transactions.

  Herman Melville

  Transactions, Jokes

  Herman Melville (2016). “Israel Potter: His Fifty Years of Exile and Life and Remarkable Adventures of Israel R. Potter”, p.51, Courier Dover Publications

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• I've lost both parents in the last two years, so you pick up on that stuff. That's the most terrible thing about being an author - standing there at your mother's funeral, but you don't switch the author off. So your own innermost thoughts are grist for the mill.

  Terry Pratchett

  Mother, Years, Two

  "Terry Pratchett: 'I'm open to joy. But I'm also more cynical'" by Aida Edemariam, www.theguardian.com. September 1, 2010.

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• Previous generations understood about death, and undoubtedly would have seen a reasonable amount of death. Once you get into the Victorian era, you might well have seen the funerals of many of your siblings before you were very old.

  Terry Pratchett

  Sibling, Generations, Might

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• People are usually pretty hungry after a funeral. I guess it's because we all realize that time is running out and we better eat all we can. Please don't mention that to my mother.

  Peter Hedges

  Mother, Running, People

  Peter Hedges (1999). “What's Eating Gilbert Grape”, p.207, Simon and Schuster

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• I want a military funeral when I die—the bugler, the flag on the casket, the ceremonial firing squad, the hallowed ground.... It will be a way of achieving what I've always wanted more than anything—something I could have had, if only I'd managed to get myself killed in the war.... The unqualified approval of my community.

  Kurt Vonnegut

  Military, War, Squad

  Kurt Vonnegut (1988). “Conversations with Kurt Vonnegut”, p.169, Univ. Press of Mississippi

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• I like a decent funeral, and God knows in my family we've seen enough of them. Looking through family photographs now is like watching an episode of 'Dad's Army.

  Matt Roper

  Dad, Army, My Family

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• Western funerals: black hearses, and black horses, and fast-fading flowers. Why should black be the colour of death? Why not the colours of a sunset?

  Daniele Vare

  Horse, Flower, Sunset

  Daniele Varè (1954). “Novels of Yen-Ching”

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• At my aunt's funeral, I promised myself that I wouldn't be bound by the belief that I'm supposed to stay in anything - whether it's a relationship, a job, a house, or a circumstance - if it makes me miserable. She gave me the courage to find my own happiness.

  Jill Scott

  Jobs, Aunt, House

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• I am at a crossroads; I have always been against armed opposition... I have chosen civil disobedience. But I will apologize to my people if there are funerals coming out of prisons. I will criticize myself and I won't be the mayor of Diyarbakir.

  Osman Baydemir

  People, Apologizing, Prison

  "After the Hunger Strike" by Jenna Krajeski, www.newyorker.com. November 27, 2012.

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